


L'appel du Vide

by Shorknado



Series: Ghost Stories [2]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Big boss cucked again, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Kazuhira miller reigning angst machine and Bitter Boy, M/M, Past msf medic/kaz, Slight past bbkaz, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-03-15 13:17:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 60,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13614153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shorknado/pseuds/Shorknado
Summary: There's only so much nine years and a hunk of metal can do to a man. Only so much it can change. Kazuhira Miller is a lot of things, but he's no fool.





	1. Triumph, death… We weren’t allowed either.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of Amour Sans Frontierès,! Which is a more msf medic/kaz centred fic covering their relationship before ground zeroes. You dont have to read p1 to get the gist of this, but i do suggest skimming through the last chapter if you just came for venom snake action
> 
>  
> 
> also this fic was beta read by deepspacepirate on tumblr! i literally owe them my entire life for helping with this fic! writing almost exclusively during the hours of 12am and 6am lead to some wild poetry but terrible grammar.

Kaz woke up a while ago.

He’s groggy and he feels like shit. Wherever he is, it’s bright, and he doesn’t want to open his eyes. 

So he tries to get his bearings. 

His last memory was of the doctors furiously doing CPR and shocking Snake.

"Don't you die on me," he had yelled at the body, then passed out.

Beside him, someone is writing — has been for a while. The faint scribbling is soothing, repetitive. He tries to move, and recognizes familiar tension of bandages on his limbs. Everything is sore, and everything smells like antiseptic and disinfectant. Familiar smells, not entirely unwelcome of course. A hospital is better than a tent in the jungle, or a raft on the water.

Hell, the fact that he can smell at all is a good thing, considering...last night's events? It must have been only a day or so ago...it had to be. 

He had been laying still, licking his wounds long enough. His mouth was dry and he was ready for some information.

"Can you — " God, his voice sounds like shit. Raspy and weak, he continues. "Can you dim the lights?"

The pen stops moving. He feels the weight of a notebook on the bed, then hears a soft metallic clicking noise along with the footsteps. The lights are switched off and the curtains opened. Nice, natural light.

Kaz opens his eyes slowly, there's a sting, always is, but it's bearable. The room is, well, it’s a hospital room. He turns to look at the visitor. It's a man, Caucasian, probably Russian considering his nose shape. A red beret rests on the bedside table, and he wears cowboy boots with spurs.

Who let this guy in here?

"Hello Mr. Miller," the man says. He has no discernible accent, but his careful pronunciation suggests non-native English. His instincts told him he was working with a liar and manipulator, not that he was one to talk on the topic of hiding accents. "I am a friend of Snake’s. My codename is Ocelot"

Kaz searches his memory for an Ocelot. He vague

ely remembers Boss mentioning that they don't use the codename Ocelot at MSF. Kaz never questioned it, but if Snake knew this guy then that would explain it.

Across the room, Ocelot pours a glass of water from a pitcher, then returns to his seat, passing the glass to Kaz.

He gratefully accepts and takes a sip. It's fine, if a bit of a chemical undertone. Normally he wouldn't drink anymore, but now wasn't the time to be picky.

"Can't say he talked about you much," Kaz offers after another drink. 

Ocelot nods and picks up his notebook, "I assume you want to know what happened."

Kaz nods, trying not to look too eager. He was barely fighting off the thought of...well what happened. He didn't have time to grieve right now. He needed to focus.

"I should thank you for rescuing Snake after the crash. He's obviously very important to us, and would not have been recovered without you or the Doe's assistance."

Kaz frowns. Who is Doe? He has many more questions, but the most important one burns in his mind. "Who survived?"

Ocelot smiles. "I'm afraid it was just you in the end," he says, placing the notebook on the edge of the bed. It’s opened to a page filled with meticulously lettered print.

'Mr. Miller,

I'm afraid this room is bugged, so do try to act sad about what I said.

Big Boss is alive. He has been in a coma for roughly three days, and has been moved to a different facility to keep him anonymous and safe from Cipher. They will want to finish the job. I would be eternally grateful for your cooperation in this stage of events. We want to keep you in the loop. You are important to Big Boss and we want to rebuild MSF.

The code for when he wakes up is "V has come to" I'm sure you won't forget it.'

Kaz reads twice through quickly, making sure he understands everything before passing the paper back, nodding. He takes a deep breath. Boss is alive but that's only half the battle.

"What about," his voice cracks, it’s genuine, "the other man. The medic. Did he...?" Kaz trails off, letting the painful question ask itself.

To his horror, Ocelot shakes his head, "He was hospitalized after the crash, but I'm afraid he died a few hours later."

Kaz bites back a sob and quietly nods. He clears his throat, looking at the half empty water glass in his hands. "Any other survivors?" he chokes out.

"A few, they're being held here for the time being."

Kaz nods, already formulating a plan to cover their hospital bills with the remaining MSF funds. He wasn’t stupid enough to keep his bank access on Base.

"Thank you...for telling me," Kaz says finally, setting the water on the bedside table. His eyes fall on his personal belongings sitting, on the other bedside chair, all neatly folded. His gun holster is empty, with a note saying he will get it upon leaving. His scarf is draped over the back, and sunglasses neatly folded over his black shirt. Right next to them is a glint of metal. Medic’s dog tag. The one he slipped on his neck as they waited for help.

Kaz's hands shake as he leans over and picks up the chain. He pulls it over his head and lets the metal fall in place against his chest.

"Any idea when I can leave?" he asks, his voice steadier.

"The nurses say you're cleared to leave after a final check up." He places a note on Kaz's bed. It's the name of a hotel, a room number, and a date. He turns it over.  _ Meet me here if you want to rebuild his dream. _

Nice and cryptic. If they really had a common interest, he was willing to meet him. He would bring MSF back. He would burn Cipher to the ground.

Ocelot stands. "I must be going. Get well soon, Miller."

Kaz only nods, watching him leave. He looks down at the dog tag, taking it in his hand. The heat of the explosion warped the metal, the name was illegible, but the other information remained. Kaz lets the tag fall again and closes his eyes. He wants to cry, but nothing comes.

It’s during his checkup that Kaz sees the full extent of his injuries. They’re relatively minor: a few burns on his arms, a couple of superficial cuts, and several stitches. He came out of the crash surprisingly unscathed considering the circumstances. 

 

After his check up, he gets dressed and insists on seeing all the survivors. There were barely twenty. All of them looked hurt and empty.

Kaz told them the news: Big Boss was dead and Mother Base was gone. He offered to pay their bills and give them a way home, or to stay with him and rebuild. Some agreed, most just needed time. Kaz understood. He left them with his contact information and hopes for the best.

He makes his way to the hotel Ocelot wrote on the note. His head is spinning, how was he going going to rebuild. He had the assets yes, but no place to stay, no GMP, maybe five soldiers counting him, and whatever was in his accounts. And with Cipher on his tail, he would have to stay on the move , try to avoid leaving a trail.

He sighs and enters the hotel. He waves at the attendant and climbs the stairs to the second floor, searching for room 20. When he finds it he knocks softly.

As he waits for the door to open he idly runs a hand through his hair. He needed to get some gel ASAP.

He hears the faint clink of spurs and a lock chain loosening.

"Good to see you walking," Ocelot says, opening the door and letting Kaz in. "We have a lot to discuss, please bear with me."

Kaz really thought Ocelot was a nice guy at first. He was a friend of Boss and was willing to help him rebuild a home for the man.

Turns out he was a big fucking asshole. He talked down to Kaz like he knew Boss better than him, which was probably true, and that Kaz was some sort of liability to the man. When he brought up Kaz dealing with Cipher he could barely stop himself from fucking snarling at him.

But he dealt with it. He listened to the man talk with a polite ear. He doubted Ocelot sensed anything but animosity from him. But...Kaz needed help to get to Cipher. To get to Boss. So he went along with what he can.

Ocelot wasn't too happy about Kaz insisting that he cover hospital bills and travel expenses for the survivors, or insisting that he notify the remaining family of the deceased. Ocelot said it was a waste of time, but shut up when Kaz pointed out that the men who died had names and families.

But at the end of their meeting, Kaz has a plan and a new partner. Ocelot suggested that he head to the middle east. There would be a temporary Base and helicopter ready for him to use. Good tips.

"I'm sure it will be a pleasure working with you." Kaz grits out, smiling cordially and shaking the man gloved hand.

"Of course." What a cocky bitch. Kaz pulls his hand back and heads to the door.

"Oh, Miller one more thing," He dropped the suffix already.

"Yeah?"

"Think of a new name for your PF. Militaires Sans Fronteriès will grow into a cautionary tale. Not something you want associated with you right now,"

Ocelot had a point, but his accent was repulsive.

 

He doesn't want to change the name; it was something Big Boss had chosen. But then again, this is where Boss is going to come back to. A new start, a new place. A new name."I'll think about it," is Kaz's response, and he exits the room.

He has one more thing to do.

-

The thing Kaz loves about locals is that they would give a ride to any hitchhiker with an accent that offered to pay in music and bad jokes.

Kaz sits on the sand, shoes and jacket off as he quietly tunes his new guitar. Well, new to him at least —h e bought it from a man outside of the hospital for twenty American dollars. It had been through its fair share of bumps, but the strings were broken in just right, and she played like a bell.

The waves lap at the sand, familiar and sweet as the salty breeze. If he closes his eyes he can almost pretend nothing's changed.

Kaz knows he hasn't come to terms yet. It's so hard when he hasn't seen the wreckage first hand. Hasn't seen Boss at all. It's only been four days since it all went to shit. Just days ago he was planting kisses on medic-

No. He can't. That's too much.

Boss will come back. He'll wake up in a few weeks. Put Kaz in a head lock and laugh as he CQC slams him into the ground.

But  _ he  _ won't. The medic, he's gone, forever. Kaz strums the guitar. The aftermath of the crash is still fresh on his mind. Holding the two men on that shitty dingy like Ishmael held onto the coffin.

He had asked about the body, but it had already been buried under John Doe. Kaz had sent word to the medic’s parents, and well...he tries not to think about it.

Kaz lets out a shuddering breath and slides his sunglasses off. Looking at the sunset in all its glory despite the pain. Sunsets are so pretty here.

He reaches over to the cassette deck he brought with him and hits record. He lets his fingers find the familiar strings and lets the sweet tune ring out.

Love Deterrence. The song he wrote, but would never sing. Probably will never sing.

This is going to be the last time he plays the song, but it's was too good to not record in some way. It means too much to him now, less of a song and already more of a memory.

This is Mother Base’s memorial. The beach that he took Boss to on an awkward date. The beach that held more birthdays and parties than one secluded Costa Rican beach should. Too many memories to be preserved on a singular cassette. To be felt in a single song.

Kaz gazes out at the unforgiving sea, and he can almost pretend a speck on the soft orange horizon is Mother Base. And that Big Boss and the medic and all the other soldiers were there, milling around and laughing. Dogs of war on their own private respite from the call of the field.

Almost.

The song ends and Kaz stops the recording. Setting his guitar down and stares at the sky, a distant memory playing in his head.

\--

"So, do I get a code name?" Kaz asked, leaning in close as Snake begrudgingly signed papers. His signature was surprisingly neat.

"A code name?"

"Yeah, everyone else has one! You, Dire Jackal, Preening Swan, Venom Bat. But you never gave me one!"

Snake frowns, which is only a small difference from his normal expression.

"You want one?"

Not really; Kaz likes his name. It had meaning, it was important to his family, something he would never give up.

"Hmmm, no. But if you had to give me one what would it be?"

\--

Kaz smiles, sliding his sunglasses back on as the sun finally vanishes beneath the waves. The stars take the stage in the sky, lights in the dark.

Diamond Dog. Not a bad code name. Not particularly menacing on its own, but it could be something. Given a little force, a little bit of a reputation, some money and time, it could be something great.

Diamond Dogs. Not a bad business name.


	2. No greater good. No just cause!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaz is a Bitter Man ft. Revolver "revolver "shalashaska" ocelot" Ocelot

At four months, Kaz had started to worry. At two years, Kaz had started to panic. At six years, Kaz started to become suspicious.

Of course, once he started asking more questions, becoming uncooperative. They, the fuckers in the shadows keeping him further in the dark, sent in Ocelot. He was going to help train the recruits on the side, when he could get away from the GRU. This did ease Kaz's doubts. If they were willing to keep up a ruse this long they weren't just leading him with a carrot on a stick.

At year nine, Kaz wants to give up. He isn’t going to, of course. Snake is still alive, just....sleeping. That didn't make these nine years any less shitty. They have a naval base again, another oil rig in the ocean. Ocelot insisted.

Business is booming. The world didn't realize how much it needed MSF until they were gone. Now with the PF market expanding, clients can cherry pick as much as they pleased. MSF had the monopoly, but now Diamond Dogs was just another drop in the bucket. It will all change when Boss returned. That's what he and Ocelot preached.

Boss will be back, Kaz is the last person to doubt that. But it had been nine years. What if it took another five? Another ten? Even if they put him through extensive PT for the years of muscle atrophy, they couldn't send a fucking sixty year old man into the field,. They might as well throw a cripple chicken into a fox den.

Kaz sighs and shakes his head, dismissing the thoughts. They had run through his head countless times over the years. No point dwelling on them. He kicks his feet up on his desk and leans back, eyes briefly skimming the paper. Wetwork really, but it got them paid, so it was going in the approved pile. He sorely misses the days he could discard jobs on a whim. Hubris is a mighty bitch.

Just as he's about to grab another paper, the phone rings. Probably Ocelot calling to tell him he was an impulsive dumb bastard in his own special way. Big words for a guy who didn't double major in business and psychology with minors in spanish and economics at an ivy league school. But whatever, spetsnaz, gun slinger, GRU, triple agent, silver tongue cowboy fuck was always right. And he was his connection to Snake, so he would follow that bastard through hell and high water.

Kaz rolls his chair over and picks up the phone, but before he can say anything, an accented female voice comes through.

"V has come too."

Then the line dies.

Kaz is frozen in place, his heart is racing, and he drops the phone. He hadn't forgotten it. He could never forget those words. They haunted his dreams every day. He used to wait eagerly to hear those words, prayed for them. Had practically carved them into his bones wishing for those four fucking words.

Tears pricked his eyes as he lets his hands drop into his lap. He started wearing gloves. Couldn't stand looking the burn scars from that day.

Snake was awake. Snake was alive.

Kaz lets out a quiet sob as tears stream down his face. He brings his hands up and presses his fingers against his eyes, trying to stifle the onslaught.

He smiles, and laughs through the tears. V has come to. Snake is coming home. He woke up. He's going to come back to him. Nine long years in the pound, and now these dogs were free.

The phone rings again, Kaz picks it up.

"You get the news?" Not even the phoney southern drawl Ocelot picked up three years ago can stifle his joy.

"Yeah, what's the plan," Kaz replies, hiding his joy and managing to sound all business. He wipes his tears on his scarf and rolls back to his desk.

"Well, Cipher will be tryin' to hunt him down. Hard to keep news this big quiet."

Kaz hums in understanding, waiting for Ocelot to get to the point.

"We've got to take some of the heat off him. But uh, that unfortunately requires you to be a decoy,"

Ah, of course. Kaz was the most likely person to know anything about Snake's location. Which was why he was kept in the dark so long. He had narrowly evaded capture a few times in the past already. Understandable, if not fucking annoying.

He shuffles through the papers on his desk, "I think I have something in mind," Kaz replies, pulling out a briefing paper, "It's an offer to train some mujahideen forces. Personally not a job I really give a shit about. Was gonna pass it off to Red Hawk, but now that I look at it," Kaz grins, "Looks like a perfect opportunity for me to get out of the house,"

Surprisingly, Ocelot lets out a small laugh, "Well I ain't one to question providence. When's deployment?"

"Tomorrow. It'll be a few days travel on foot, Pequod can't get in close enough. But that works out just fine," Kaz grins, already making the preparations.

"Bring some good guys with you, you'll need em'," Ocelot says before the line goes dead.

Kaz is giddy with joy. After nine long years, he gets to see Snake. He's not dumb enough to believe that will fix everything. Heal the wounds, make him any less willing to raze Cipher into the fucking dirt. But to have him back, by his side. Nine years alone, haunted by phantoms, was finally paying off. Big Boss will be back.

\--

Kaz hates the desert. He hates literally everything about the damn place. The hot sun, sand, the freezing nights. It's hell.

And trekking on horseback from a long week of yelling at volunteers didn't make it any better. So far, no action from Cipher. At least anything noticeable. Ocelot said it was helping, but that just put Kaz more on edge.

If he really was taking the heat off Snake, why hasn't anything happened to him? It makes him more paranoid by the day.

He looks at the small convoy. Him and four others. Good men, ones he trusts dearly. They knew this was more than wetwork, and they were ready for it.

"Sandstorms clearing," Kaz says, voice muffled by his yellow scarf tied around his face. He had been thinking about wearing it less, too many recruits made jokes out him and Ocelot being scarf buddies.

He tugs the scarf down as the sand stops swirling and skillfully reties it into it's Parisian knot. He frowns, shaking some sand out of his hair.

Something feels wrong. The horse shifts below him and whines, he gently pats her neck and looks around.

Nothing.

But the rest of the unit feels it too. A sickening malaise with no discernible cause. That is, until a black fog rolls in.

Kaz immediately jumps off the horse and draws his pistol, looking around. "Form up!" He shouts as the his soldiers quickly make a loose ring, signaling for their horses to take cover.

The fog is so thick, it’s hard to see anything. Suddenly, Red Hawk fires and his fearful yelp is cut short.

He's dead, but the unit is too trained to panic. And then something from the shadows grabs Green Rabbit. Then Screeching Cat.

Kaz can't see anything. He's lost sight of them all, but he can hear the faint sound of....something. It's not quite footsteps, but its...there.

He sees shining white lights in the fog. The lights move closer. Slowly and menacing. He's surrounded.

He fires at the lights, but they all miss. He's panicking, freezing up again. His hands shake.

The punch to his gut winds him, and an open palm smack across his face sends his sunglasses clattering to the ground. He blearily looks up, only to see a boot aimed for his head, then nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have some descriptions of torture, but no rape or sexual assault. 
> 
> Now with more venom!


	3. We're not junkyard hounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones a doozy, was lowkey avoiding it bcs i didnt wanna write the helicopter scene but it turned out p fun!

There's a bag over Kaz's head and the truck is moving. They’ve stripped him to just his pants and shirt. No shoes. He had begged the man stripping him not to take his dog tags, babbling about how it was all he had left to leave for his wife. Kaz saw a moment of weakness in the man and pounced. The man believed him and tucked it into Kaz's pocket. It was the smallest mercy he’d had all week. 

Interrogations are rough. But they aren’t anything he hasn't seen before from Ocelot. As gross and fucked up as his "art form" was, he was clinical, almost business-like.

That kind of torture doesn’t scare Kaz. No, the cold and systematic nature of it is familiar. Waterboarding, physical promises of violence, truth serum. He gives them nothing. He remains unshakeable. 

That is until they pass him off to another unit.

That’s the difference, and danger, of someone skilled versus someone unskilled. It was absolutely horrifying. They were unpredictable. Messy. They had barely asked useful questions.

"Where is Big Boss?"

_ Gee wouldn't we all like to fucking know. _ Kaz is in their custody only one day before they pull out the bone saw.

He can feel his heart racing as they tighten the makeshift tourniquet around his leg.

"I will ask you one more time, Ben. Where is Big Boss? What are your plans when he comes back?"

Funny how the Russians actually thought his name was Benedict. But it helped him compartmentalize the situation.

He says nothing and the man laughs.

"Well, if you can't beat them, make them bleed like pig." His accent is thick, and he repeats what he says in Russian so his lackeys can laugh.

Kaz presses his tongue to the roof of his mouth and waits.

The pain is hell.

He tries not to scream, but it comes out loud and raw. The other lackeys hold him down and before long, he's passed out.

When he comes to, there's a man changing the bandages on his....stump.

Kaz blinks down at it blearily. He's no longer lying on the table in the corner; he's back on the chair in handcuffs. The doctor turns and yells something in Russian towards the empty door frame, but Kaz can't focus.

It's just...gone. It still feels like it's there. A light tingle in his toes. But there's just air. He looks up and...in the corner of the room is a bloody severed foot. 

Kaz's eyes flicker back and forth between it and his stump leg. The scene is grotesque, cartoonish, almost comical. It’s gone. 

It’s gone. It’s gone. It’s gone.

He's begins hyperventilating. Panicking.

Kaz passes out again.

When he comes to he's back on the table. No more limbs gone, but more questions. They beat him, but he can live with that.

They take his arm the next day. That’s when he breaks. He screams. He can live without a leg, but an arm is too much. He begs in every language he knows. He even tries speaking Russian, but they just laugh. It's fucking pitiful.

When he's all bandaged up they leave him alone. No more questions, but they feed and give him water. Do unspeakable things to him.

 

The truck stops moving, they roughly yank him out and lead him into a small building. He doesn't even attempt to hop along. It's just sad.

He's dragged up a flight of stairs and tossed against a wall. They handcuff him to the wall with his remaining arm above his head. Its painful. 

They yank the bag off his head. The bright light burns. Them finding out he was photosensitive was the worst of the torture. Forcing him to look into bright lights for hours on end. His vision is so blurry now it pains him. Years of dedicated eye protection, wasted. 

He looks up at his captor, the man inserts a tape into a cassette player.

"We found this among your belongings. We figured it would be nice to let you listen to it before you die."

The man hits play and a familiar tune begins to play. It's the recording he took on the beach. He plays the tape sparingly. On days when the memory of him is too much. On the anniversary of the fall. He keeps it in a plastic case with him at all times.

He closes his eyes and listens to the sweet guitar, fingers on his remaining hand twitching. If he listens closely he can hear the waves of the beach.

His brief respite is broken by a punch in the face. It hurts, Kaz can feel his eyes swelling. "This is your last chance. If you give us the information, we will kill you now. If not you will sit here until you rot."

Kaz stares at the man, and silently offers his other cheek.

He gets punched again, and the bag is replaced.

"Be sure to let us know when you are ready to die."

When he was first captured he gave himself at least ten days. There was only three days left.

Love Deterrence is still playing, distant and sweet. If Kaz had enough water in him he would cry. Instead he just waits. Sitting in silence. Snake would come. Even if he was too late, he would come.

He floats just beneath the surface of consciousness, occasionally bobbing up for breaths of clarity before sinking back under. When he wakes this time, he fights the overwhelming desire to succumb to the comfort of sleep.

Kaz lets out a ragged cough. His face hurts. He can tell time only by the dick guard that comes in every hour just to kick him. He hadn't come in a while. Kaz is sure it had been an hour. He’s so out of it. 

The music has stopped. He was pretty sure it had stopped. Maybe it had never been there.

"Kaz?"

The bag is pulled from his head and he flinches. It had been days since he saw light. It hurts more than usual. He shakes his head, not looking at the guard.

"No more use for me, huh?" he rasps. He’s tired. Defeated.

Suddenly there's two hands on his face. One cold and metal, the other warm. They are so gentle, it's a touch like no other. They bring his sweat soaked face up.

"Kaz it's me." That voice. That nickname.

Kaz's tries to open his eyes. His left one is swollen shut, and the other is suffering from heavy light exposure. Everything is blurry and overwhelmingly bright, but he tries to focus on the man. The man is...the man has a horn, and an eyepatch. His eye is blue, bright and vivid and painfully familiar.

Kaz would know that shade anywhere. He'd know it blind. He would know it in death. It was not Snake's.

"I'm here to get you out," the man says, firm. Comforting.

"...Snake?" Kaz whispers, barely believing it himself. The voice, the touch, the name. It had to he him. But that blue, the bright blue that wasn't right. That wasn't Snake.

The hands slowly slide away, thumb gently brushing his cheek.

The man leans in, frowning slightly. Kaz tries to look away.

"They do something to your eyes?" the voice asks, concerned.

Kaz looks down and shakes his head, "No, it's..." he glances up momentarily before looking down again, "it's just bright, is all."

The man pulls something out of his bag. Kaz can't really seem to focus as his arm is released. It stings from the sudden blood flow, but it’s nice.

Cool metal slides past his temples as a familiar weight rests upon his nose. He reaches his hand up and touches his sunglasses.

Just like a weight being lifted, Kaz feels better. He looks up, and offers...Snake a smile.

"What took you so long?"

"We can talk, but not here." All business as usual.

Snake then lifts him like he's nothing and throws him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Not as heavy anymore, huh?" Kaz jokes, closing his eyes as Snake leaves the room. The sun feels brighter than ever. He can faintly hear Ocelot through the headset. He actually sounds kind of concerned. Probably worried at the thought of filing taxes.

"Boss," Kaz is feeling so faint and loose, like he's not even of this world, "I've been waiting nine years to hear it...those magic words..."

There's silence as Snake walks, then a pause.

"C'mon Snake, say them for me...kept you waiting, huh?" Kaz pitches his voice down into a shitty imitation of Snake's growl. It's never been very good.

"Kept you waiting, huh?" It’s low and growly. Almost exactly like he remembers it. Kaz almost laughs.

"Boss...it's really you."

He hears Ocelot faintly telling Snake to go to the rendezvous point. By the feeling of it, Snake is walking him down a incline, he has a arm wrapped around the back of his knee and the hand gently but firmly holding his wrist. Smart, lets him use his pistol.

He can hear the chopper rotors as a cold fog rolls in. It's black, and Kaz remembers it.

Snake tosses him on the back of a horse. D-Horse by the feel of it. Ocelot's preferred mount. He can hear Ocelot telling him to run, and surprisingly Snake does just that.

He wishes Snake had let him ride upfront, bouncing against Snake's thick thighs and solid chest would have done wonders for his morale.

Instead he's pulled off the horse and set in the chopper, and a jacket is draped over his right side. Hearing Pequod's voice is a godsend, and just like that he's out of Afghanistan. Leaving this hell hole.

"We're heading for Seychelles," Kaz says softly from his spot on the helicopter floor, looking up at Snake as he stares out the open door. "That's where our new home is now."

Snake is silent. It makes Kaz continue talking, wanting to fill the silence,

"Hey...that was some operation we had, huh? Nine years ago."

The memory of MSF still hurt; it always did. It's never stopped being a throb in his heart.

"Carving out our own world, making our own future." Kaz's glares at the ceiling, bitterness leaking into his voice. "And they took it away."

The helicopter shudders in the turbulence, and Kaz sadly looks at his remaining hand. Its covered in sand, sweat, and bruises. He swallows, blinking back tears.

"I'm gonna rebuild it. Make a new place," Kaz pauses, feeling hope flutter in his chest for the first time in a long while. "...together. That we can call home."

Kaz drops his hand and pushes himself into a sitting position. Snake has been respectfully silent. Kaz huffs and pushes himself against the seats; he had no strength to get up.

"Yeah, we were dogs alright,” he continues. “Slinking around out of Ciphers sight, digging up whatever kind of dirty money we could find."

Kaz meets Snake's eye, a quite admission to some of the more...questionable Diamond Dog activities.

"You name it, we did it."

Snake's face remains impassive. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

"You see this?" Kaz grips the sleeve of the jacket, showing Snake the patch, "Diamond Dogs. Our new home." He can't help the sense of pride he feels when Snake's lips quirk up.

"A phantom of our former selves," he adds sadly, turning to look out the door at the sandy landscape.

"Triumph...death...we weren't allowed either." He pauses, memories flooding back. Fire and death, smoke and pain. The sea breeze cooling blood of his comrades splattered on his skin. "Yeah, I remember it all." He turns to Snake. Watches him remember it as well. Misery loves company.

Snake rummages through his bag and passes Kaz water and a protein bar. Kaz manages to not look like a starving animal as he eats them. Eating too fast will make him sick.

As he finishes Snake cleans his arm and expertly inserts an IV. Where did he learn that?

"To rehydrate you," he says quietly, before sliding across the floor to sit in front from Kaz, back against the other set of seats. He meets Kaz's stare.

Snake looked so different. His face was covered in deep set scars and stitch marks. There was a large chunk missing from his ear, and the scar on lower lip was so deep, it was a miracle he could talk without an impediment.

Kaz's eyes trail up to his hair, the soft brown hair was pulled into a tiny ponytail. It was cute, a good look for him.

And...the horn. It was metal and had been sanded down, no sharp edges. The way it protruded from his skull looked almost natural, as if it were growing from his skull. It was horrifying, made him look like a demon.

It had been nine years, but it was still him. He may have the horn of a demon now but he looked like a fucking angel to Kaz.

Kaz turns his gaze to the window, he had trouble meeting Snake's eye.

Thoughtlessly Kaz reaches into his pocket, careful not to disturb the needle in his arm and tugs out the dog tag. He pulls the chain over his head and tucks the single worn tag into his shirt. He notices the slight frown on Snake's face and ignores it.

They sit in silence until the IV bag is empty and Snake carefully removes the needle. Kaz feels a thousand times better already, physically.

Snake moves away from Kaz, away from his weak gaze, to kick his feet out the side of the chopper. They were going to be home soon.

"Snake," Kaz begins, waiting for the man to turn and look at him, "Why are we here? Just to suffer?" Kaz looks away, glaring at the walls.

"Every night I can feel my leg. And my arm." Kaz slowly reaches up and takes the empty sleeve into his hand. "Even my fingers."

He looks at the Diamond Dog patch, running his hand slowly down the sleeve.

"The body I've lost, the comrades I've lost," Kaz can hear the pain in his own voice, "won't stop hurting,"

The sleeve slips away from his fingers, like his future did nine years ago. He makes a fist.

"It's like they're all still there." He slams the hand against the metal floor. It hurts, and it unleashes the floodgate that has held back his rage for years.

He reaches out, roughly gripping Snake's cold metal hand.

"You feel it do don't you?" He asks desperately, searching Snake's bright eye for anything, pulling himself closer.

"I'm the one who got caught up with Cipher. A group above nations. Even the U.S!" he grabs Snake's shoulder, pulling him down eye level. Letting his confession pour out of him after festering for nine years. Snake's flesh hand rests firmly on his side, supporting him.

"And I was the parasite below, feeding off Zero's power!" Snake is quiet. He leans forward slightly, gripping Kaz below the arm with both hands and lifting him into the seat.

Snake pulls away, Kaz holds him as long as he can, until the other man sits across from him.

"They came after you in Cypress. Then Afghanistan. Cipher...just keeps growing."

Kaz shakes his head in disgust, "Swallowing everything in its path....getting bigger and bigger." Kaz pauses. "Who knows how big now."

Snake remains silent, a pensive look on his face.

Kaz pushes himself up, hand grabbing the top of the door for balance, "I'm gonna make them give back our past," He pushes himself forward, hopping on his leg. "Give back everything we've lost!"

He falls forward, grabbing Snake's shoulder and leaning in. He can see Snake so clearly. His heart throbs, he's missed him so much.

"And I won't rest, until we do."

It's a promise. To himself, to Snake. To all the men that died that day. He leans closer to Snake. How could he be so distant after all these years?

"Approaching Mother Base."

Snake's hand gently rests on his elbow, a comforting and firm touch. It says, 'I understand. I know your pain. I'm here.' and that's all Kaz needs.

He falls back heavily, knee buckling, and nearly falls out of the chopper. That would have been embarrassing. He looks out the door, watching the oil rig draw close.

"Our new Mother Base." he says, watching Boss lay his eyes on it for the first time.

"I don't know how long it will take, but I'll make it bigger, better than before."

It’s quiet for a moment, then for the first time in a while, Snake speaks.

"Kaz," the word is raspy, almost desperate, "What should I do?" he asks, staring out the window. He looks lost, hopeless. He had been dead for years, and to be thrust into action like this. The burden was immense.

"Boss..." Kaz almost whispers, unsure what to say to such a plea from the legend.

Snake's head snaps over to him, bright blue eye suddenly burning with determination. As if Kaz's single word had reassured him.

"Tell me. Tell me like you used to." His voice is firm, and his slight smile playful. And just like that day in Columbia, Kaz falls in love again.

He lost two lovers that day nine years ago, but one was back. And Kaz won’t let him leave this time.

The chopper lands, and Snake jumps out, immediately offering his shoulder to Kaz. He gratefully wraps his arms around Snake and hops out with a grunt. Even though Snake takes most of his weight, impact with the ground still hurts. He would have to get used to being helped.

"Things have changed, Boss," Kaz says, voice firm, as Snake rests his metal hand against his chest, pressing the dog tag into his skin.

"We pull in money, recruits. Just to combat Cipher. Rubbing our noses in the bloody battlefield dirt. All for revenge."

Snake urges Kaz forward, and he takes a tentative hop. He sees the medical team approaching with a stretcher.

"The world calls for wetwork, and we answer." Ocelot approaches the edge of the helipad, relief clear on his face at the sight of the two. A little worse for wear, but alive.

"No greater good. No just cause." The staff salute, it's their first time seeing Snake.

"Kaz," Snake is close to his ear, he can feel his warmth by his side. Kaz feels truly alive. He looks at Snake.

"Cipher sent us to hell. But we're going even deeper."

Snake's face changes to an expression of resignation. "I know," he says softly, eye looking over the tropes, "I'm already a demon." There's a deep sadness in his voice. His horn catches the light, mocking him. "Heavens not my kinda place anyway." There's a touch of bitter mirth in his voice.

A staff member brings him a crutch, and he allows the man to help him grab it, but pushes him away quickly. He doesn't want to be touched.

He leans on the crutch and grunts in pain, taking tentative hops to the stretcher. He will adjust. He will.

He takes a seat, looking back to Snake. "Dogs of war, for nine whole years. That ends today." He gestures to Snake. "Now you're not sleeping. And we're not junkyard hounds."

A staff member puts a oxygen mask on his face. Kaz pulse races in panic, but he lies down. Trying to fight it off.

He can't, he tugs at the mask, trying to sit up. Ocelot holds up a hand.

"Let them talk," he says calmly to the staff, who pull back. For once Kaz might thank him.

Kaz pulls Snake down again. "We can crush Cipher, Boss," there's joy and hope that hasn't been in his voice in years, "and you can build the army that can do it!"

Snake shakes his head. "Just one thing, Kaz," he says, understanding and gentle. "This isn't about the past. We're fighting for the future."

Kaz nods, not in understanding, but in acknowledgement. He and Snake would disagree on things. It's only natural.

To him, revenge for the past is the way to the future. He will stop at nothing to burn Cipher down. They stole the future from him, from Snake, from the medic, from all the men on that base. His future is their past. He will not rest until blood is paid, in full, with interest.


	4. Won't stop hurting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is short and seems uninspired, having trouble getting from point a to point b so to speak

After spending less than a full day in the infirmary, Kaz is itching to get back to work. Much to his chagrin, however, the doctors insist on having him recover in the med bay for the next three days. Annoying yes, but understandable. If only the small cove of medical rooms wasn't boring as all hell. 

He lays awake, eyes closed, at six in the morning on day two when Ocelot quietly enters his room. As quietly as a man wearing spurs can be.

"I brought you somethin' to pass the time," he whispers, dropping a file onto Kaz's bed. He knows without looking that it's the monthly balances. Ocelot absolutely hated managing funds, and he seems to have avoided doing any of them ever since Kaz left.

"Thanks." He tries to sound scathing, but he's actually very grateful for the distraction. Sleep is fitful at best and filled with nightmare. He sits up and lets out a soft yawn.

Kaz turns on the bedside light, then grabs the empty tray on the nightstand and rests it on his lap. He takes a pen and begins dutifully looking over the papers. They weren't in too bad of shape by the look of it. Whoever covered for him did a fine job. But all things could be micromanaged.

He started scratching things down, making notes on where to cut back and where to splurge. Now that Snake was here they might be able to get better coffee. The current stuff was good, but Kaz had high standards.

"You write very well left handed," Ocelot idly comments, setting a calculator down on the tray.

Before Kaz can respond, another voice from the corner of the room speaks up, low, and scaring the shit out of Kaz. Even Ocelot jumps slightly.

"He's ambidextrous." Snake was sitting in the corner slightly hunched, horn glinting in the lamp light. He looks at the two with an impassive expression.

"How long you been there?" Kaz splutters. He had been awake for at least an hour and he hadn't heard the door open. And when did he tell Snake he was ambidextrous?

Snake shrugs, then sits up straight in the ugly plastic chair, clearly not leaving any time soon.

Ocelot glances at Kaz, then at the file in his lap. "You didn't get those from me." he says before leaving, spurs clinking on his way out. Kaz doubts the medical staff would try to scold Ocelot; they don't have that backbone yet.

Kaz looks at Snake for a moment. It's surreal to see him just...being here. Present. It was easy to forget how burning his presence was. The man oozed confidence and charisma. Sometimes it was hard to believe he was a stealth expert, with the way he drew the attention of anyone in the room when he wanted to. Made men spill their guts with barely three words. Made reading budgets god damn impossible.

"Don't be a stranger," Kaz finally says, voice low, just above a whisper. "Get over here." He pats the bed expectantly.

Almost immediately Snake gets to his feet and, to Kaz's surprise, sits on the bed. Kaz ignores the fact that he's sitting where his left foot would have been.

"I meant pull the chair up, but this works too." He spins the pen in his hand and it promptly flies out and clatters to the floor. Kaz scowls. He might be ambidextrous, but it’s obvious his left hand isn't as precise.

Snake leans down and picks the pen up off the floor, setting it on the tray.

"You should be resting," he finally says, a hint of concern in his voice. It was odd. Snake sounded the same but also different. It was deeper, more from his chest than from his throat.

"You've never stopped me before." It comes out more accusatory than Kaz intends. But it is true. Snake had let him work with a 103 degree fever before. Even though his handwriting was illegible and nothing was filed correctly.

In fact, there were a lot of things different about Snake. Now that Kaz was properly hydrated, fed, and not half dead in the desert, he was starting to see more and more...irregularities.

His eye color was certainly his top concern; that doesn't just change. But Snake had been a lot less talkative, almost demure. Nine years ago he would have been railing on Kaz with countless limb jokes and how many sheep he had eaten on his way to him, not sitting quietly at the foot of his bed avoiding eye contact.

Then again, the chunk of metal sticking out of his head could account for that. How Snake was alive despite that thing was a damn miracle.

Almost without thought, Kaz reaches up. It’s terribly rude to make advances directly in Snake's blind spot, but it can’t be helped. His fingers barely graze the smooth black iron before Snake violently jerks away, cold metal hand grasping Kaz's wrist in an iron grip. It hurts enough for Kaz to grunt in pain and he tries to pull his arm back, but Snake is unrelenting.

"Don't."

The one word sends a shiver of fear down Kaz's spine. He slowly nods. 

Snake releases his wrist, and turns in the bed slightly to face Kaz. Pulling a leg onto the small mattress and bumping his knee against his thigh, covertly moving himself out of reach.

"It...It's pretty deep in my brain," Snake says softly, pointing to the metal, "pressing against my optic nerve. When you touched it...colors faded away. Everything looked muddy."

Kaz feels a stab of guilt. What he had described was painfully similar to what had slowly been happening to his eyes. Faded and blurry colors. To inflict that on someone else, even momentarily, was cruel.

"You just...surprised me," Snake adds, probably attempting to ease the guilty look on Kaz's face.

"Don't worry about it, Boss."

The fall into a calm silence, studying each other., trying to figure out what was different, and what was the same. Kaz wonders what he looks like to Snake. Does he look broken, defeated? Does Snake see him as a once beautiful stained glass window, now tarnished by time, broken and cracked?

Kaz is afraid to look into his eye, to gauge the emotion in it. He can read people well, but he's never been able to read Snake perfectly. Until now, oddly enough. He seems to communicate with more looks and gestures than words alone. It's...uncomfortably similar to another man who died.

"How was having Ocelot on intel?" Kaz asks, breaking the silence.

"Weird. He knows a lot about animals. But I wanted you there."

The words practically have Kaz blushing like a child. "How many goats did you eat?"

Snake makes a face of distaste. "None. I was trying not to waste time."

Kaz doesn’t like how the sincere tone makes him feel, how it makes his heart ache.

"You know goat meat is lower in fat and cholesterol than beef or chicken," Kaz says after a longer pause than necessary.

Snake raises and eyebrow as if to say 'is that so?'

"It's not very common in the United States or Japan, but once you been wandering Afghanistan long enough..." Kaz trails off, unsure what to say. Snake loved talking about eating random meat raw. By now he would have interrupted him with some story about eating a goat or something equally crazy. The fucker ate snakes for fun.

Instead he just gives Kaz a politely interested, yet uncomfortable look.

"Uhh, you know I used to eat whale meat. When I was in school."

Snake frowns. "In Japan? Isn't whaling illegal now?"

Kaz finally relaxes. "It was actually served in the school lunches. And it was only outlawed in the 70s, which is a real shame. Best tasting fish there is."

Snake actually lets out a soft laugh, "Whales are mammals, Kaz."

Kaz dismissively waves a hand. "Melville said it best. Sure, it may be a warm blooded creature, but that's no reason to not call it a fish if it lives in the ocean."

"I don't think the author of Moby Dick is the leading whale expert anymore."

Kaz is actually kind of impressed that Snake caught that. He's not exactly the type of person to be into pop culture, or anything not about war, really. "Didn't realize you read it."

A dazed look falls across Snake’s face. He frowns, and raises his flesh hand to rub his temple.

"I....I don't know...if I've read it," he mumbles, frowning in thought. Kaz scrambles to fix whatever problem he started.

"Hey, it's a pretty forgettable book. Y'know a bunch of guys chasing after a white dick can only be so interesting," Snake doesn't even smile at the shitty dick joke. "Besides that hunk of metal is probably just making you forget anyway. For the better too, that book was a slog of whale facts and bullshit symbolism. I had to read it in Spanish too! You know how stupid 'gran ballena blanca' is to say?"

Kaz's ramblings seem to ease the strange storm of emotions Snake had felt. Hopefully these memory gaps would be filled and not affect him in the field.

Snake's prosthetic hand gently rests on Kaz’s shin, and Kaz is barely able to hold back his reflex to kick. Since he got back, he can't stand being touched.  _ Too many hands _ had been on him in that dark dusty room. But he resists the urge to shy away, and instead focuses on Snake’s gentle touch. Even though the hand is cold and metallic, the meaning is clear. 'I'll be ok. I won't leave you. Not again.'

And just like that, Kaz relaxes. He feels safe and secure with Snake here with him. He pushes the tray and papers off his lap, setting them next to him and he awkwardly scoots closer to Snake, shoving himself between the man's legs. Snake remains still as Kaz wraps his single arm around the others chest and leans his face on his warm shoulder. His fatigues are new, and slightly scratchy against his cheek. But Snake smells clean, like standard issue soap and disinfectant.

"I missed you." Kaz whispers softly, closing his eyes. He can hear the gentle beat of Snake's heart, reminding him that all this time, he was alive.

He feels Snake's strong arm wrap around his shoulders, he must have bulked up fast to be this in shape after the coma.

Snake is silent, but the motion is an agreement. The only thing that would make this better was revenge.

"We're going to get Cipher, Boss. I promise." Kaz's right arm throbs and  he winces, but he presses into Snake more. "Then it won't hurt anymore. We can build our future."

If Snake wanted to say something about fighting for revenge, he holds it in. He only nods in response.

"Does yours hurt too?" Kaz asks, barely a whisper into Snake's neck.

"Sometimes."

Kaz nods, hand trailing up and down the mans back.

"It doesn't hurt...when I'm with you."

Kaz smiles. It's small and timid. He won't be smiling again for a while, but it's there.

"Happy to help, Boss."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So im probs gonna go abt this writing a chapter of mission that moves the plot along, then a chapter of a few days downtime on mother base. Otherwise this thing would be a mess and it gives enough time for kaz to get paranoid


	5. Even if it's ugly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate the honeybee mission it is my least favourite fucking mission in the game it took me 2 hours to do it and i cried the whole time

It was good to have Snake back. He was running around on field nearly every other week. Bringing in troops, prisoners, destroying equipment, and raising morale to an astronomical level. It was no wonder MSF got so powerful so quickly. Snake was a one man army with enough charisma to have men of all creeds snapping at his heels. Kaz wasn't any chump, but it had been a struggle getting Diamond Dogs stable after all these years.

Unfortunately, that had some drawbacks. Once again, Mother Base was becoming crowded. Before MSF had expanded platforms a few guys had fallen off due to the Boss's tendency to scoop up any soldier that could hit a target five times out of ten. Kaz almost wishes that part of him had changed, like so many other parts.

"You're fultoning him?" Kaz finally cuts in instead of his usual confirmation of target acquisition. Annoyance runs deep in his voice, and Ocelot lets out a huff of a laugh. Snake doesn't respond. He never does.

Kaz watches the slightly fuzzy video feed, frowning as he slowly approaches another soldier. The camera on Snake's shoulder provides a live video feed — a modern marvel, and very expensive. It wasn't able to record, but photos were taken every six or so seconds and filtered through by the intel team. Audio was recorded as well, usually just soldier gossip and that one unfortunate time Snake ended up hiding in a dumpster for three hours and caught two soldiers fucking in the room behind him. Probably at the top of Kazuhira's Worst Moments With Ocelot Present list.

But really, Snake should be focusing on finding the Honey Bee. This was an important mission, not the time to go boy hunting. Thankfully, this time Snake was simply interrogating the man, learning the location of the prisoner. Snake quickly chokes him out and hides the body out of sight.

Unfortunately, the prisoner that knows the exact location of the Honey Bee is on the other side of the Relay Base, heavily guarded, about to be moved. Oh, and there's snipers. A seemingly impossible job that Snake approaches with the ease and grace of someone who's experienced the situation hundreds of times. The man easily skirts the outside of the compound, taking cover behind the solar panels and army crawling across the ditch and cliffs. Barely five minutes pass until he's already across the compound, so frustratingly close to the prisoner and the guards.

"Think he'll get the prisoner, or leave him?" Ocelot asks conversationally, now looking at the screen and tapping his fingers on the desk.

"He'll try to get him. I'm starting to think that coma gave him a hero complex." Not that Boss was ever not down to save POWs. Even at MSF he made time to help those in need. But now it seemed that prisoners’ lives were priority. It wasn’t  _ bad  _ per se, but the missions should take priority. Well, as long as hethe job got done, Kaz wasn't going to discourage him.

He watches with mild interest as Snake leaps out in front of the jeep and nails all three guards with headshots from his tranq gun. An incredible feat for most, but apparently an average Tuesday for Snake. He fultons the prisoner and one of the soldiers before driving the jeep off the side of the road, slightly hidden.

Ocelot is already busy on his com with the support unit, getting what the can from the prisoner. Apparently, the prisoner is mute and was furiously writing what he knew. Snake, meanwhile, whistles for D-Horse and continues on his way to Smaise Laman.

That is, until the loud whirr of blades descends upon Snake. Ocelot jolts in his seat, hanging up on Support and grabbing his mic.

"Boss, get down!" Ocelot shouts, panic filling his normally placid voice. Snake instantly drops off D-Horse and crouches, scanning the sky. Finally, Snake sees it, and Kaz's blood runs cold.

"Snake, that's an enemy gunship. A single burst from it's machine gun can tear a man in half. Watch yourself."

Kaz begins to nervously click his pen. That chopper looked like it could take down fifty men. If it spotted Snake, that man was as good as dead.

Ocelot gives Kaz an ok sign with his hand and begins typing up the Honeybee’s location and  sending the data to Snake's iDroid. 

Kaz nods and turns on his mic, reading through the support teams information. "Good news, Boss. Looks like that prisoner you extracted was the Hamid survivor. The guys a mute, but he pointed out the Honeybee’s whereabouts on a map. It's on your iDroid. Head on over there and retrieve it."

There is an almost imperceptible hum from Snake as he continues to the fort, slightly slower and cautious of the gunship.

Ocelot reaches over and plucks the pen from Kaz's grasp, setting in on the table.

Right, Boss will be fine. This mission is essentially a cake walk. They know where it is now, it's just a matter of how quickly R&D can analyse it before giving it back to the CIA and getting their paycheck.

Kaz relaxes slightly, there's still a chance Boss could get hurt of course, but a minor one. This mission won't directly lead them to Cipher, but the paycheck will. So there's no point getting overly stressed. Just sit back and watch Boss run around.

"Da Smasei Fort - Da Smasei Laman. Now to find the Honey Bee," Ocelot says as the video feed changes from a view of the fort to the ground. The second screen blinks on as Snake activates his binoculars, scanning the area from his prone position on the cliff.

"Think there's a reason he took his shirt off for this?" Kaz asks idly as Snake jumps down the cliff and returns to crawling on the ground. Screen now blurry dirt and grass.

"He wasn't called Naked Snake for nothing." Ocelot replies, kicking his feet on the desk, spurs jingling cheerily as he folds his hands behind his head.

"Considering how rocky and sandy the terrain is, I'm shocked his nipples haven't been eroded away," he says dryly.

Ocelot lets out a surprisingly genuine laugh, but quickly covers his smile with his hand. He always hide his genuine emotions.

Kaz turns his gaze back to the screen to see Snake already deep within the tunnels. It was almost pitch black on the screen, rendering the video feed useless. The audio feed was just drips, Snake's light breaths, and hollow echoes. The binocular screen indicates a few guards ahead, but by the looks of it, they will pose no problems.

After a few minutes, Snake enters a bright cavern. Kaz watches him almost pass the Honey Bee completely. He would have missed it too if Snake hadn’t  paused and done a double take. It was tucked halfway in a hole in the wall behind a crate. Hidden in plain sight. Clever.

"Who would've thought they'd hide it there." Ocelot remarks with benign interests as Snake switches out his sniper rifle for the missile launcher. Kaz can hear him grunt slightly when he stands. Must be heavy.

"You've secured the target, now you just need to bring it back." Kaz can practically feel Snake's eagerness through the video feed as he heads toward the exit.

"You are not to use the Honey Bee," he adds quickly and tersely. "The order was to recover it with its ammunition."

Technically, it was to recover it with at least one shot left, but every shot was a 20,000 U.S dollar bonus that Kaz was not going to give up. Ocelot raises an eyebrow, but doesn't correct him. No need to encourage needless violence.

They watch the light of the exit grow brighter. They were almost home free! 

And then  a thick and heavy mist rolls in. . Kaz can't see a damn thing. He leans forward in his chair, worried.

Snake draws his automatic and slowly makes his way forward. The audio is just as dead as the video. Kaz gently clicks then pen, biting his lip.

A form slowly emerges from the fog, hovering eight feet off the ground. As it gets closer, the screen blurs and shakes, as if there's an electrical interference. It’s...a child? A child in a straight jacket and gas mask?

"What the...?" Kaz mumbles as the child floats past Snake. Snake lets out a confused grunt and turns to watch the child vanish back into the fog.

A ear-piercing metallic grinding startles Kaz as a huge robotic hand emerges from the fog and grabs Snake.

Kaz and Ocelot exchange shocked looks, unable to articulate just what they were thinking. Snake appears to be held upside down, but it's hard to tell with the fog. Snake struggles to escape, grunting in exertion, but even he can't escape its metal clutches.

The hand lifts him up higher, and the sound of footsteps approach. Kaz's teeth clench, and a wave of disgust and rage so volatile flows through his gut he feels he could breathe fire at the voice that comes over the radio.

"You look well rested, Big Boss."

Skull Face.

"My, my, how you've changed," he drawls.

Kaz would give anything to wrap his hand around that ugly fucks neck and choke the life out of him.

"You became a demon for as little weapons as that?" 

Kaz can’t believe the little shit has the audacity to sound so condescending. As if he wasn't the reason Snake was what he was today. The leather of Kaz's gloves creaks as he clenches his fist.

"Well, I'm sure you'll see the bigger picture eventually." 

Kaz can barely keep from yelling in rage as Skull Face walks past Boss. Stopping, then turning on his heel. He’s so frustratingly  _ close _ . Kaz's arm throbs with pain, each individual finger burning.

Snake wiggles a bit, but they all know he can't escape. Can't cave that ugly rat bitch's face in with his robotic hand.

A ghost of a smile plays where Skull Face's lips would be as he watches Snake struggle. He looks into the distance. "If you get out of here alive."

Kaz's blood runs cold. The sound of screams and gunfire echo over the audio as Snake turns to look where Skull Face had turned. Unfortunately, the camera isn’t pointed in that direction, so Kaz can only watch the look of elation on that wretched cunt’s face.

"Rest in peace this time."

Kaz’s blood boils. He  can promise Skull Face there will be no peace. Not for him, not for Snake. Not until vengeance was wrought with their hands.

"I'll see you in hell. ‘Boss!’" Kaz grits his teeth. He and Boss may be going to hell, but Skull Face was going deeper than they ever would go.

The hand drops Snake, and Skull Face is already out of range by the time he gets up.

"What the hell was that thing? It was huge!" Kaz growls, more to himself than his companions.

As the hulking metal thing begins to recede, teal eyes light up through the fog and they begin their slow predatory approach. Kaz's eyes widen in fear. He knows those eyes.

"It's the Mist Unit! The Skulls!" 

Snake immediately turns and runs back, putting distance between himself and the unit. It’s the same squad responsible for ambushing and taking out the most skilled soldiers they’d had. There was no way Snake was getting out unharmed.

One of the Skulls appears in front of Snake, stopping his retreat. Snake easily strafes to the side, avoiding it.

"Dammit they're everywhere!" Kaz tries not to sound panicked, but he knows what these monsters are capable of. Snake had to run.

Snake fires at one of them, but it vanishes in a puff of smoke.

"The skulls are too fast! Maybe if you had a homing weapon....Boss maybe it's time to see what the Honey Bee can do," Ocelot says.

Normally Kaz would cut in and tell Boss to save the ammo, but his life is worth more than a few dollars. Hell, Snake could bludgeon those monsters with the Honey Bee itself and he would only complain a little bit.

Snake doesn't seem to be running. In fact he stands his ground, waking towards an unfortunate Skull and pumping him full of lead. He wanted to tell Snake to run, to get  _ out,  _ but maybe he had a plan?

The now hole-filled Skull member lunges at Snake when it gets into range, machete glowing through the fog. But quick as a whip, Snake grabs its arm and presses forward, yanking the machete out of the monster's hand and stabbing it right into its back. As the creature stumbles away, Snake nails it in the head with his shotgun four times until it falls over.

"Damn," Ocelot mutters, watching the screen, rapt.

It's almost like watching Indiana Jones. Snake calmly empties his automatic into the Skulls one by one. Lets them get close enough to CQC, then blasts them point blank with a shotgun. 

In the odd moment two group up, he tosses a grenade over, managing to take one out from the blasts alone. It’s brutally efficient.

After he violently shoves the final Skull’s machete into its throat, almost fully decapitating the thing, it falls. The mist lets up and the bodies of skulls dissipate, leaving Snake standing alone in the middle of the fort, breathing heavily.

"Boss..." Kaz almost can’t  believe what he'd just seen. Those monsters killed so many, and Snake singlehandedly just... "You took down the skulls? You really are a living legend!" he cheers, unable to  keep the awe and delight out of his voice. The pain in his arm seems to fade slightly.

"Now call the chopper to get out of there. Bring the Honey Bee back to base," Kaz’s words jolt Snake back  into action, and he pulls out his iDroid, sending his location to Pequod.

The helicopter arrives shortly, but the anti air radar was destroyed in the Skulls fight, so he's able to touch down right in the fort.

"Alright, get in! Time to go!" Kaz says cheerily. There's an unspoken  _ home  _ at the end. He's happy to see Snake get out of this one alive. The Skull unit was unexpected, and could have ended in catastrophe.

The helicopter takes off, and Kaz breathes a sigh of relief. He leans back in his chair, spinning it slightly and scratching his chin.

"There's one more thing troubling me..." Kaz says into the com with a slight frown. Ocelot quietly gathers up the intel papers, politely listening in.

"What happened to the Hamid?" Snake finishes, the first time he's talked since the mission began. He has gotten significantly less chatty in general. But Kaz couldn't blame him. Like a man out of time, e just needed time to adjust.

"Exactly.Whole squads of hardened Mujahideen killed without a fight, and no traces of BC weaponry." Kaz takes a breath, frowning harder. "What does it all mean?"

"That's what we're here to find out," Snake supplies, firm and comforting. It relaxes Kaz instantly.

"Yeah, right." His expression softens and he closes his eyes thoughtfully, "If we really need to know, then the truth will reveal itself." He pauses, eyes opening, "Even if its ugly."

Kaz lets the intel and support teams know they did a great job today, and to take it easy. He grabs his cane, gets to his feet, and hobbles out. He wants some fresh air and some time alone to think about what had just happened.

He makes the slow painful journey to a secluded part of the base, and finds himself overlooking the construction of the new medical platform, far away from the main strut. Ocelot says it's a little excessive, but Kaz wasn't making the same mistake twice. He leans his cane against the railing and sits heavily, sighing.

What was that machine? And why did Skull Face appear? He couldn't have been after the Honey Bee; he could have easily taken it from Boss when he was grabbed. Hell, he could have easily killed Snake then and there. But instead he had the Skulls come in. And even then, Snake had a horse; he could outrun them twice without a problem.

Was Skull Face really just trying to send them a message? He had called the Honey Bee, a revolutionary weapon in it of itself, a small toy. Then he brought out the Skulls, bio weapons in their own right. And that's didn’t  even scratching the surface of whatever that hulking beast or the child was.

Kaz huffs angrily. Nothing made any sense. It was all so unclear. Every time they look for answers, they only raise more questions . Cipher was so close yet they couldn't get them.

There's a tug on his sleeve. Kaz looks down and sees DD. The pup had grown considerably and was now just below his knee. Kaz brings his hand up and pets the dog’s head, scratching her behind her ears.

"Hey kid," he murmurs . He pushes himself back on the ledge, allowing her to rest halfway on his lap. She yips happily and wags her tail furiously as he begins petting her.

Kaz loves dogs. He always has. His neighbors used to have a particularly active nippon terrier that followed him to the beach. As long as he kept their dog safe, he could play with him for as long as he wished. Hell, she was still kicking when he left the JSDF. Barely, but still hanging on.

He tugs his glove off with his teeth and begins gently scratching behind DD's ears, just where she likes it. She always remained poised and serious around Ocelot and Snake, but the moment they turned away, she became a big marshmallow. Maybe Kaz babied her a bit, but the soldiers were too nervous to pet her when Snake was out, and someone had to give her belly rubs.

"Snake will be back in about seven hours," he says.

DD perks up at the mention of Snake’s name. She loves following him around base as much as she loves jumping unsuspecting soldiers.

He buries his hand in her smooth thick fur and runs his fingers through it. The slightly pink flesh of his burn is visible between tufts of hair, and he clenches his fist. He can't stand looking at it some days. So many things in his life, all consumed by fire.

He removes his hand from her fur and slips on his glove, tugging it down with his teeth. Might as well get some food and rest until Snake gets here.

"Walk." At that single word, DD leaps to her feet and circles Kaz, barking wildly. Kaz laughs softly. As he pulls himself to his feet, DD stops barking to pick up his cane with her mouth. A small smile plays on his lips as she offers it to him, and he pats her head before taking it. "Thanks." She never gave him that pitiful look most soldiers did.

He begins heading towards the stairs until his leg begins to throb. Looks like it's the elevator down kind of day. DD trots next to him, tongue lolling out and tail wagging. He knows she'd like to go faster, and if he could, he would already be racing her to the ground floor. Nevertheless, she stays by his side and keeps pace with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot and Kaz are really just youtube commentators when u think about it.
> 
> Also are shiba inu overrated? Yes.
> 
> Stop by next chapter for Snake down time or mission 10/11 ill decide in the car


	6. Your mind is your most dangerous weapon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres a few references to p1 of this fic l, i dont think youll need to read p1 to understand but if you got questions just ask!
> 
> (medics code name in this series is venom bat btw, since bat is the code given to those "equally skilled in the art of war")

When Boss touches down during early dawn the next day, he’s immediately blindsided by DD attempting to jump in his arms. He easily holds the squirming excited wolf-dog as he walks to the shower unit.

"Be out in five, gotta wash the blood off," he says walking past Kaz and setting DD down next to him with a quick, “Stay.”

Kaz frowns, looking Snake up and down. He was covered in dirt, dried sweat, and whatever it was that came out of the Skulls, but there wasn't any blood on him.

Kaz looks away. If he mentions it again he'll bring it up with Ocelot. Visual hallucinations weren’t out of the ordinary, especially considering what Snake had been through, and if it wasn't hurting him, Snake could manage. 

With that, Kaz hobbles up to the control room where Ocelot was waiting with the debriefing files neatly organized.

DD bounds ahead and turns the knob, opening the door for him. Kaz pats her head as he passes and slips her a small dog treat from his coat pocket. Ocelot will never know.

"Snake will be up soon," he says, sitting in the rolling chair. Ocelot nods and they sit in awkward silence until DD’s bark heralds in a wet Snake.

He's still not wearing a shirt, but he's much cleaner and looks refreshed. After this he will probably sleep for a full day, then spend the next week doing some side ops or training the recruits.

The reconnaissance didn't reveal anything they didn't already know. Other than the fact that Skull Face was not after the Honey Bee and had only stopped by to mock them. It was frustrating, but it gave them more insight.

"The child, I recognized him," Boss says as they're wrapping up. He's frowning slightly. "He was at the hospital when I left, along with the Man on Fire. Should've guessed he was with Cipher."

Ocelot hums. "Don't like the thought of those three workin' together. Too soon to make any assumptions, but we should be wary of them makin' an appearance from now on."

Kaz had heard of the child and the Man on Fire from both men. He would have disregarded them as hallucinations if Ocelot and Snake weren't covered in second degree burns. The idea that these things could exist didn't sit well with Kaz, and the fact that they were apparently in allegiance with Cipher set him more on edge. Nothing good will come of it.

With that, the meeting is dismissed and Kaz gets to his feet, limping out of the room to head towards his office. 

Now that Ocelot was around, he did most of the training and helped manage some of the simpler missions for the troops. With Boss helping expand Mother Base, Kaz had found himself overseeing its construction and design, in addition to the procurement, processing, and transportation of resources. More work than usual, but thankfully most platforms could use the same basic layout, just with different things inside. They could start and finish most projects in a few weeks, and with Boss bringing in GMP, they were strictly in the black.

With Cipher was creeping at their backs, administrative work like this was honestly a stress relief. 

He hears the clatter of metal on the ground when his cane snags an empty magazine clip. Kaz stumbles a bit, not missing the almost imperceptible sound of something landing lightly behind him.

On instinct, he turns on the heel of his prosthetic leg. It hurts a bit more than usual, but he ignores it for now. He swings his cane as he turns, putting all his weight behind it as it clangs against metal.

Snake grabs the cane with his metal hand and yanks it forward. Kaz, already off balance due to his leg, is pulled forward and spun again, his arm is wrenched behind his back, cane falling to the floor. A robotic hand grips his wrist and Snake's strong arm wraps around his neck, pulling Kaz into a familiar chokehold.

He grunts angrily, unable to even even scratch at Snake with his other hand-

Wait. Was Snake taller than him? Why hasn't he noticed sooner, he had at least three inches on the man. And now Snake had three inches on him? What the fuck. Do people grow in comas? Do they grow six full inches? All these questions buzz in his mind as he squirms against the mans iron grip, pressed fully into his chest.

"Mornin," Snake says softly, mouth startlingly close to Kaz's ear, warm breath washing over his neck.

"Let go or I'm going to bite you," Kaz threatens, managing to keep his amusement out of his voice. They used to do this all the time back in their MSF days. Jump out and try to catch each other by surprise. Snake still enjoyed dropping down from the upper levels apparently. His grip isn't as hard as it used to be. Kaz could have pulled his hand free if he wanted to.

Snake seems to think for a moment before releasing his already loose grip on Kaz's wrist and lowering his arm. He lays a steadying hand on Kaz's back as he picks up the dropped cane, passing it back.

Kaz had gotten better at standing on his prosthetic without the support of the cane, but it took a generous amount of weight off his stump.

"What were they feeding you in that coma, Boss? You're taller than me." Kaz looks up at Snake, feeling incredibly uncomfortable at the act.

Snake just shrugs. They stand in silence for a few moments. It was proving to be harder to adjust to...whatever their relationship was now. To Snake, Kaz was worlds different from the man he once was. And in a way, Snake was just as different.

"Boss, could you put on a shirt?"

"No."

Well that was the end of that. Kaz shrugs in resignation and continues hobbling to his office, approaching the stairs. Snake follows like a lost puppy, falling a step behind Kaz. It's a little weird.

Kaz sets his foot on the step and begins the annoying process of climbing. It consists of putting his flesh leg on the step, followed by his cane, then heaving his prosthetic foot up to the same step. Repeat until top. It was uncomfortably time consuming, hurt his arm and back, and made everyone instantly join a fucking pity party just for him. Kaz grits his teeth, and continues up, not wanting to look at Snake as he follows quietly behind him.

Today was going to be an elevator day, but not with Snake on his heels.

When they reach the top Kaz isn't exactly winded — he's not out of shape yet — but he is considerably fatigued. Putting his office on the second floor was a mistake. Hindsight is 20/20 and also a bitch.

"You need something?" he finally asks when Snake follows him into his modest office. A desk in the middle, with a few tables against the wall, all filled with intel, staff files, and construction reports. There's one uncomfortable chair in front of the desk and a single wheeled one behind. Kaz takes a seat as Snake curiously pokes around.

"Not really."

Kaz shrugs his overcoat off and picks up a pen, glancing down at his desk.

"Shouldn't you been sleeping?"

"Don't want to."

Kaz was getting nowhere fast. He sighs and ignores Snake. If the man wants to stay awake and poke around his office he can. There isn't anything of interest in here at any rate. Kaz just tries to fill out the construction plans so all Boss would have to do was give the go ahead.

He manages to focus for all of five minutes. He looks over to check on Snake, who’s staring at a photo that had been sitting among the papers and other junk he keeps on that table.

"You okay there?" Kaz asks lightly.

Snake's head snaps up, and he glances at the photo again, before walking over and holding it out to Kaz.

It was the group photo Morpho took before Boss left for that final mission. It had been sent out while they were gone and a few copies were made.

"Pequod gave it to me when he joined," Kaz says, taking the photo and looking at it sadly. Boss had a light smile on his face, cockily holding an automatic up, one arm resting, with difficulty, on the medics shoulder, who had a soft smile on his lips. Kaz and Morpho looked almost too serious compared to the other two.

"You...you know he's Morpho's kid? Pequod, that is," Kaz says softly, looking away from the image. He kept it close, but couldn't look at often.

"Flyin' must be in their blood," Snake says, taking the picture, frowning slightly.

"You mind if I keep this?" Snake asks. "I've been putting photos up in the chopper. Gives me somethin’ to look at."

Kaz doesn't want to. It's the only photo he has of the medic that isn't a serious mugshot. But the sincerity in Snake's voice is compelling.

"Sure thing, Boss."

Snake carefully tucks the photo into his pocket and continues to shuffle through Kaz's office.

Kaz tries to refocus on work, but his thoughts drift away. It had been nine years since that day. He and Medic had a...thing. For lack of better words. It was really just a three month hookup that maybe could have been more. The two had known of each other for a long time, but they never really talked until, well, until Kaz managed to flirt his way into a quick fuck that somehow turned into pseudo meal dates and guitar jam sessions watching the sunset.

He didn't think hard about how he’d felt then. He thought they had time. To figure things out with each other. He ignored the way his heart raced at the mans soft gaze and touch. The fear he felt at the idea that he wanted something like that. His flirting with girls had never been more than a means to an end, and the one time he tried to be genuine, he was shot down.

The idea that someone was willing to reciprocate those gentle feelings was more than Kaz could take at the time.

But it had been a decade. And Medic was dead. It took a while, a couple years, a lot of shitty flings with men and women, bad drinks and loud sobs for him to come to terms. He really fell in love with Medic.

Not in the same way he fell for Boss. He fell in love with what the man stood for. He loved the man behind the legend too, but to say he wasn't infatuated with the power and charisma he possessed was a lie.

Yeah, he had a bit of a crush on Boss, but he really might have had something with the Medic. Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?

In the first few years, deep down, in the dark bitter recesses of his mind, he wished that the Medic had lived. Of course, that means Boss would have died, but Kaz is a selfish man at heart, and when he can't have both, he could at least yearn for the one who reciprocated his feelings.

"Kaz?"

He jerks, having lost himself in thought, staring down at the paper. "Yes Ba-" he chokes on his words, biting his lip. No, he was gone. It was Snake. He was still here. Now was not the time to call to phantoms.

"Sorry, I zoned out. You need anything?" Kaz manages to force out. He ignored the deep frown on the other’s face. He hoped Snake didn't notice his slip. He wasn't planning on telling him.

"Wanted to know if you'd join me for whatever meal is being served when I get up," there's a slight edge to his voice. "Unless you're busy."

Shit, he noticed. Boss wasn't the jealous type, but he must have assumed Kaz was back to womanizing. Better clear this up.

"Of course. I can always make time for you, Snake." It's the truth; he would do anything for Boss. "Now get some sleep."

Snake seems to soften after that and nods, leaving silently. Kaz lets out a sigh of relief. That was awkward. And he already missed the photo.

Kaz puts the thoughts out of his mind, letting himself focus on work. He's interrupted hours later by an intel staff member. There were reports and rumors of a sniper taking out Russian officers. Along with stories of a silent, naked ghost woman spotted at the ruins near the Central Base. Kaz doesn't like the feeling he gets from them, and he’s filled with a sense of deep foreboding. He tells them to keep an eye on the reports; they might be related. It's troubling, probably Cipher related. But that might just be his paranoia speaking.

Other than that, he was getting a few missions lined up for Snake. A simple paycheck assassination — a way for him to have a bit of fun on the field since he was so nice in saving the Honey Bee ammo — and a rescue mission. Mostly wetwork, but at least the last one might connect them with Cipher. And it lets the word get out that Boss was back.

It’s just about dinner time when he wraps up. He slides out of his chair and grabs his cane after tugging his coat back on. Snake would still be asleep, so he’s eating alone tonight. Not that he minded, even if maneuvering a tray with one hand was difficult. He had been keeping with his physical therapy and could walk without his cane for a few steps. Enough to carry a tray to a table. But the phantom pain was so extreme it would be a long time before he could walk unaided.

Ocelot had pestered him about getting cybernetics, but Kaz wasn't going to. Not while the pain was so strong. It wasn't just for him, it was for his comrades.

And honestly, he isn’t going to waste GMP developing a heavy cybernetic arm when he can use his left hand just as well. Ocelot doesn't seem to realize that a forearm is much lighter than an entire fucking arm. Sure, a cane may cause back pain, but an extra fifteen pounds would probably throw his spine into fits.

Maybe after all this, when science makes lighter metals and the pain subsides, he will consider it. Besides, metal hands pack a pretty good punch. Until then, he's happy with his pain.

Speaking of pain, Ocelot rounds the corner, obviously on his way to Kaz's office, holding a small box. In the past, Kaz would shameless jump the railing and bolt just so Ocelot would have to chase after him, but now he's forced to endure the 'holier than thou' fake southern drawl. Kaz wants to ask him to stop, but he's played along far too long to say anything now. Should've put his foot down the first time that weird fuck said "y'all"

"Is Boss 'round? Need to talk to him."

"He's asleep."

"Checked his quarters, he ain't there."

Huh, that was odd, it would mean he only got six hours of sleep. It wasn't a bad amount, but usually he knocked out longer after exhausting missions.

Kas just shrugs in response, and continues on his way, Ocelot following. He grumbles to himself. Today was going to be an elevator day, but not with Ocelot watching.

"Saw him stick a photo up in the helicopter after he left your office, you give him that?"

"Yeah."

Kaz just focuses on going down the steps. Prosthetic leg, then flesh, then cane. Slow, painful, and annoying. At least Ocelot never mentioned it.

"Speakin' o’ which, we got some stuff from Eve. It was found on Boss' person after the crash. It was really just his clothes, but there's somethin' you should see before we give it to Boss."

Kaz reaches the last step and holds in a sigh, stepping forward a few paces before turning to face the man again, trying not to look annoyed.

"What is it?"

Ocelot makes a show of digging through the box before pulling out a small Polaroid. It has a bit of water damage, but looks in surprisingly good shape. There's something written on the back in neat cursive.

Ocelot holds the photo out, and Kaz passes his cane to the other before taking it.

He stares at the photo in shock. This wasn't Boss'. How did they get this? He flips the photo over. The cursive is a little sloppy and some parts are illegible due to water damage, but Kaz recognizes it.

'Commander Miller, 1974'

It was the Medic’s handwriting. He had taken the picture in his office one day, before a mission. It wasn't Snake's.

"We're not giving this to him," Kaz says firmly, and slips it into his coat pocket. His head was spinning. He snatches his cane back and turns to leave. There was no arguing over this.

He bumps right into Snake, he's wearing a shirt now. Kaz steps back, and moves around him. Not now. He needs to think, he needs to calm down, go to his room and think.

"Give me what?"

Nope. Not now. Kaz ignores the man and continues limping away. He's not exactly fast anymore, but he doubts they would try to follow him. Besides, it was a photo of himself; he's allowed to keep it.

He can faintly hear Ocelot as he draws away, turning the corner and quickly approaching the private quarters. They were near the soldiers barracks and consisted of three rooms along one wall. Ocelot's was closest to the hall entrance, the middle one had been empty until recently for Boss, and the one on the end was Kaz's. All had small ensuite showers, but unfortunately shared a water heater. Ocelot, apparently, took long hot showers.

Kaz slams the button and stomps into his room. He sits on his bed after locking the door, sliding his hat off and taking a deep breath.

How had they gotten that photo? Medic wouldn't have given it to Boss, it would have been sent home with his clothes and ashes to his parents. Not in a box of Big Boss' belongings. It didn't make sense.

The body.

Kaz's eyes snap open. He never saw the body. They said they’d buried it. They wouldn't have buried it. It should have been burned.

His hand creeps up to the single tag, under all his clothes.

No, this was just paranoia. He was just tired and stressed and jumping to conclusions. The photo was with Boss because they were treated together. It must have gotten mixed in.

And who knew how Costa Rica dealt with its dead soldiers. The nurse might have just said buried since she didn't know.

Kaz let's out a long slow breath and opens his bedside drawer. He pulls out a bottle of Famous Grout whiskey and takes a swig from the bottle.

He shouldn't ruin the one good thing going for him with paranoia. The drink marginally calms him, and he tucks the bottle and photo into the drawer.

He was just going to put this out of mind. It's just a coincidence. A slip up. No need to get an itchy trigger finger over a photo.

### 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter i skip 3 whole missions to get to quite, spoiler alert; she lives, boy drama ensues.
> 
> Side note: back up, back down is my favorite fucking mission. Blowing tanks and helicopters to bits on horseback is so fucking satisfying


	7. Nothing but a smokescreen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here she is...the gorl
> 
> Bit of a short chapter, felt tonally appropriate to split it into two instead of a long time skip. There will be absolutely no vquite miss me with that hetero shit

No one mentioned the photo the next day. The rest of the week was awkward because of it. He apologized to Snake for not going to dinner with him, and Snake shrugged it off, but he was obviously hurt. 

It’s strange. They aren’t drifting apart, but they’ve reached an odd stagnation. Kaz doesn’t know what’s worse: Snake being in a coma, or him being physically here but so emotionally distant.

Nevertheless, the next few missions generally go well. Snake takes them on them in rapid succession with only a few days rest in between. A sure sign that he isn’t feeling well. Kaz will have a talk with him about pushing himself too far when he gets back from this op. 

A few days ago, Snake had been picking up a prisoner with potential, when when a little bird suddenly contacted them, begging to be rescued. He’s currently en route to pick up said bird, their old partner Huey Emmerich. A traitorous little weasel.

If Huey wanted their help, Kaz is more than happy to give it to him—for a price, of course. Kaz had been practically chomping at the bit to get his hands on that sleazy fuck. Huey had teamed up with Cipher for nine years, but the moment he hears Boss is back, he cries for help. What a vile bitch.

He smiles softly and leans back in his chair. Vengeance is going to be  _ fun _ .

"Excited to see your old partner?" Ocelot comments lightly, eyeing Kaz from the seat adjacent to his. Kaz lets his small smile fall into a neutral expression.

"Excited for answers," he responds. It doesn’t matter who he gets answers from, but the idea of Huey at the hands of Ocelot is a nice one. Kaz isn't sadistic, but he can be vengeful.

Snake is approaching the ruins. It’s his second time out with DD and they both seem to be enjoying it. Kaz honestly has no clue how they manage to communicate, but as long as they kept each other alive it was fine.

He watches Snake steadily jog up the dirt path. Because of the mountains, he ended up having to take the long way to the power plant. Tedious, but necessary. It was approaching dusk, and the scene looks very peaceful from Kaz’s place in mission control. Just the sound of Snake's even breathing and the excited pants of DD as they run.

And then a loud shot rings out across the valley. Boss dives to the ground, and takes cover behind a decrepit wall. It had just missed him.

"Sniper? Where?" Kaz asks, sitting straight in his seat and pulls up the iDroid map. It was exactly the same as Snake's. Showing his location and a satellite view of the area. Snake had to mark the person before they appeared.

Snake peeks over the edge of the wall, and Kaz catches the glimmer of a rifle on top of the lonesome archway in the center of the valley. Another shot rings out, barely missing Snake's forehead.

"Boss, you okay? Could it be that Sniper? Quiet?"

Kaz looks at Ocelot and he nods.

"Quiet, our silent assassin. Where's the sniping point?" It will be hard to pinpoint a location while slipping in and out of cover. At least they have the general area covered.

"Boss, focus on the objective. You need to make contact with Emmerich. Get out of the sniper’s kill zone and head to the power plant." Personally, Kaz wanted to avoid a drawn out and potentially fatal sniper fight. There was no real reason to kill the sniper yet. They were honestly doing them a favor by taking out the Soviet soldiers. 

Boss could avoid them for now. Better to circumvent this and get to Emmerich.

Snake crouches silent for a moment before before crawling down the side path into a small ravine. It would be slow, but he could be out of the area in at least twenty minutes. Kaz relaxes. Boss could take a body shot or two. He would be fine.

Snake pulls out his binoculars, getting a closer look at the target, marking them. Kaz sighs internally. Of course. Should have known Snake couldn't resist a fight.

He watches, slightly annoyed, as the man makes his way downriver, staying low behind rocks. The sniper seems to have lost him. Snake has the advantage now, slowly moving around the lone arch way to flank them.

"Weird that they're alone, considering their kill count," Kaz comments as Snake crawls toward the arch.

"Hmm? Why's that?" Ocelot glances away from the screen to Kaz, his own reports now forgotten in lieu of making sure Snake remains alive.

"The average human attention span ranges from ten to twenty minutes. Fifteen is usually the top of the bell curve, so to speak," Kaz says, clicking his pen, "So snipers usually work in teams of two. One to hold the gun and the spotter to help identify the target and to ensure the sniper can focus."

Ocelot nods, he seems surprisingly interested in Kaz's explanation.

"Sounds like you have experience."

Kaz shrugs. "I was a spotter a few times. Nothing interesting about it."

They watch Snake find a vantage point and take aim at the sniper.

"Working alone as a sniper is fine, but it leaves you open to attacks," Kaz says as Boss fires his tranq gun at the sniper twice in quick succession. A headshot will take most humans down instantly, and two body shots works the same way.

Then the sniper vanishes into a cloud of smoke. Kaz grits his teeth.

"The enemy sniper just disappeared?" Ocelot frowns, leaning closer to the screen. "Zero visibility. If you can't mark 'em you don't stand a chance. Stay sharp!"

The way the sniper vanished—it was just like the Skulls did. Kaz would recognise that move anywhere, and the tranq shots didn't seem to affect their movement. Whoever this Sniper was, they had to be working with Skull Face. Maybe they went rogue, and that's why they were out killing Soviets. Or maybe it was some sort of long con. Whatever it was, Kaz didn't like the odds that Snake was going to try to bring this fucker back to base.

No. Snake had to see how dangerous they were. He would kill them, just like he took out the Skulls at the fort. Snake wasn't going to risk the entire base for one lost monster. He would put the sniper down. Kaz relaxes momentarily.

They spent the next hour watching the war of attrition between the two soldiers in silence. Every time the sniper vanished and ran, it only made Kaz more and more certain that they were dealing with a rogue Skull. It was too fast for a normal human.

Snake had managed to hit the sniper from a distance with almost a full clip of tranq rounds. Their movements were growing more sluggish, and Snake was moving in closer and closer.

"Boss, don't overdo it. You can settle the score some other time. Better to live and fight another day," Kaz says softly. A last ditch effort to get Snake to just leave and avoid the monster he was going to inevitably save.

"Don't worry." It was spoken so softly Kaz could barely hear it over the fuzz of the com. But for once, he wasn't soothed.

Another ten minutes pass before Boss hits the sniper again. They vanish, only to appear laying on the stone ruins, unmoving.

"Did you get her?" Kaz asks as Snake begins to approach. Turns out the sniper was a girl. Maybe now he could try and plead his case and get Boss to put down that thing.

"With these abilities of hers," Kaz says quickly, ignoring Ocelot's frown, "there’s no doubt about it. She has to be one of the Skulls. Now move in and finish her, Boss! She's working for Cipher!" Kaz tries to keep the desperation out of his voice as he pleads with Snake. Maybe if he frames it as an order Snake will do it. Sure he couldn't prove without reasonable doubt she was working for Cipher, but she was dangerous and Snake was not going to fucking save her like another one of his damn goats.

"Quiet is a valuable source of information, Boss," Ocelot cuts in almost as soon as Kaz finishes speaking. Kaz doesn't look at him, afraid of what he might accidentally reveal to the man. "There's no need to kill her. Think carefully."

Kaz wants to dive across the table and punch Ocelot in his stupid Russian face. He wants to scream and yell at him. Which side is he on? That bitch is obviously a Skull and could potentially kill them all. She had literally been trying to kill Boss for the past hour. They can't get keep her imprisoned on base with her abilities. She is a liability that will get them all killed.

But Kaz holds back, remaining in his seat as his rage builds.

"This is your decision."

Fucking Ocelot, he knew as well as Kaz that Boss was going to spare her. That's what he does. It's why soldiers flock to him. Kaz feels his control slipping away. Like it did in Columbia. Like it did nine years ago. Like it did when the mist first rolled in.

Snake slowly approaches Quiet and draws his gun. Pointing it at her. Hope flares up in Kaz.

'Please,' Kaz thinks as he stares at the screen. His hand is shaking. If Ocelot weren’t here, he’d already  be in angry frustrated tears. ' _ Please kill her. _ '

He watches Snake lower the gun, and he can feel rage deep in his gut.

He knew this would happen. But he also knew that if he said those magic words—"Snake, do it for me"—then Boss would have pulled that trigger.

But Ocelot was right. It was Boss' choice. Kaz had followed that man to hell, and he might as well follow him now. Let the merciful fucker do whatever he fucking wants. Who cares! Once he brings her back, they can all die on this base together like they should have nine fucking years ago.

He watches in silence as Snake wrestles the gun from her before she can off herself and cuffs her. He picks her up.

"Boss, you're not thinking of bringing her back here, are you?" he asks weakly. It's too late, but he has to try to keep her away. "She works for Cipher. We don't even know the extent of her abilities! She is not setting foot on this base!"

Kaz knows she's setting foot on their base. He knows damn well he can't stand against both Ocelot and Big Boss. But god dammit he can try. This is his home now, and he can't lose it again. He built this, dammit!

If he loses it again, he's not waiting another ten years. He's dying with his home.

"Good work, Boss. Can't believe you took her down alive." Kaz rolls his eyes at the faux impressed voice Ocelot uses. They both knew what Snake would do.

"Now bring her back here. Let's find out who she really is."

"This is too dangerous! Kill her!" Kaz pleads. "Don't bring her to our home!"

It's his final bargaining chip. Maybe if Boss can see how close Kaz is to breaking. How much he wants then to understand that he doesn't hate the woman, he hates what she is. It's better to kill her than have her live as whatever the hell she is now. She's with Cipher, and Cipher is the reason for all this pain and death and suffering. It's just not practical to bring her back.

"This is the Boss's decision," Ocelot says smugly, as if he's the one who's so righteous in this fucking situation. As if he's not a disgusting sadist who's going to torture the woman in new horrific ways when Boss brings her back.

"I'll send the extraction chopper."

Kaz knows it's the Boss' decision. It always is his fucking decision. And he always picks the same fucking option.

"Boss, you know I've always got your back," Kaz says, getting to his feet, "but if you bring her here, I'll just have her killed."

Ocelot opens his mouth to say something, but Kaz is already out the door.

Nine years ago, he wouldn't have questioned Boss. Two limbs ago he would have welcomed the lost soul onto the base with open arms.

He wasn't the same as he was years ago. He wasn't going to sit back and let Boss get him and these innocent men killed because he couldn't break a few fucking eggs.

He angrily and loudly makes his way to his office. Soldiers salute him nervously as he passes, and are thankfully silent as he stabs the elevator button to the second floor. The radio feed is silent in his earphone, only the faint sound of the helicopter blades. It remains that way until he slams the door of his office.

"Slipped the line huh? Real shame, she's one of a kind," Ocelot's voice crackles on the radio. Kaz can guess what happened, what with her vanishing and reappearing freely at the ruins. The cuffs wouldn't hold her anymore than a dam could hold back a tsunami.

"Fine by me. We don't need her type." He takes a breath, pausing to look out at the dark ocean, reflecting stars. "Boss get back to base, we need to talk. Everything else can wait." He’s still angry at Snake, yes, but he couldn't blame a bird for wanting to fly. He was going to explain himself. Get Boss to understand that he was afraid. Afraid of Cipher getting to them, exploiting Snake's compassion with a some fucked up soldier. Afraid of ruining the one good fucking thing Kaz had left.

Hopefully this Quiet business doesn’t come back to bite them. She’s doing them a favor being out there and taking out Soviet officers. He’s perfectly fine with letting her sit in the ruins alone and having Boss avoid the whole area, but a loose end like that is dangerous. They might have to hunt her down for real soon. Boss got lucky this time, but if she gets a headshot in, there's no second chances.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of ppl say kaz is too harsh for wanting to kill quiet even tho shes obviously a skull, has teleportation powers that would make her neigh invincible on a, oh i dunno, isolated oil rig in the middle of the ocean, and whos motives are unknown at best and leathel at worst
> 
> Venom and ocelot are fucking morons


	8. You know I've always got your back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of those chapters i really didnt feel like writing bcs honestly? Quiet is a big vat of wasted potential

Kaz is pacing his office when the warning comes in.

Pacing is a term best used lightly, Kaz was sitting in chair, angrily rolling it back and forth across the office.

"Confirm. One bogey on our six. Steady at point four miles," Pequod's voice says over the com, steady as always. "It's tailing us."

Not good, probably Cipher or the Soviets. "Don't lead it back to Mother Base," Kaz cuts in. He trusts Pequod to get himself and Boss out of it.

"Roger. We'll shake it off."

Maybe that was Quiet's plan all along. Get captured, plant a tracker on the chopper before she bailed, and let a plane with more firepower  follow it to base. Hey, if shooting down a helicopter almost worked once, maybe it would work this time.

Kaz listens to the sounds of gunfire over the com, biting his nails. They would be ok, surely?

"It's an LGM, hold on!" Pequod yells, and after a bit of shuffling Kaz hears turret fire. Then more shuffling. If he had less pride he would haul ass to mission control go see what was going on, but he's not going to look that pitiful in front of Ocelot.

He hears the pop of a sniper rifle, and frowns. Boss was a crack shot but he couldn't hit a pilot in a jet. Then a series of faint crashes sounds from the com. Did he...hit the pilot? Even Kaz has to admit it’s impressive.

He hears the sound of bullets falling to the floor and more rustling. He pulls out his iDroid and requests the video feed stills so he can see what the hell just happened.

"You guys ok?" Kaz asks after a minute of silence.

"Yeah."

Good. Kaz sighs, and waits another five minutes for the stills to come in.

Fuck! That bitch had been on the chopper the whole time! Stowed away, invisible until just now. He clenches his fist, then relaxes. Still, one hell of a shot, even for a subhuman like the Skulls. The fact that she's still in their custody makes the job of actually disposing of her a much easier. 

Kaz grips his cane and calls a few soldiers. Lets them know to get ready, bring guns and prepare a cage. Quiet is still on the chopper. Whatever her plan is, it involves either killing Boss or destroying Mother Base. 

He takes no joy in wanting to kill Quiet. She didn't ask for this. But if he has to choose between her and him, between a Skull and his home? Well, it isn’t a hard choice. Boss won't be happy, but Kaz doesn't care.

He watches Pequod fly in a few hours later, and the two helicopters flank him. He knows that Snake would be feeling hurt, seeing his own men point guns at him. Hell, it hurt the men to do this. But Kaz had to be certain. He had to show Boss that Quiet was a liability. A danger to everyone. It was worth the price of hurting Snake a little bit, if she didn't kill them all.

He feels unsafe, even surrounded by the soldiers as the helicopter nears. He can see her, a bit fuzzy, in the chopper as Snake moves to shield her. As if Kaz's men could actually lay a scratch on her. It's ridiculous. The Skulls took rocket launchers like pebbles. She would be fine. Snake should know better, but he does have a tendency to underestimate others.

"No way she's setting foot on this Base!" Kaz yells up to the pair as the chopper hovers above him. 

Snake had to see how dangerous she was. If— _ When _ she decides to stop playing nice, nobody will be leaving this base alive. If she could shoot out a moving fighter jet, she could shoot down any chopper or boat that tried to leave, then pick the remaining soldiers off one by one.

Sure, maybe they could get a few hits on her, but with her abilities as a skull she would essentially be trapped on the base too. Incapable of leaving until they were all dead.  Fultoning enemy soldiers back was risky, yes, but they were only human, unable to pose a threat to the entire base. Taking her back is a risk he isn’t willing to let Snake take, not until he realises that he could get everyone killed.

"Boss, she's with Cipher!"

He watches in horror as Quiet leaps out of the chopper and vanishes. His heart races. Of course. Of course. She's going to kill them all right now. At least Boss would get to watch what his damn pity got him. A bunch of dead soldiers.

She reappears on deck, her form assimilating out of mist. She slides the cuffs off—a show of intimidation—and looks around at the scared guards, unimpressed. Black marks around her eyes appear, and she glares.

The guards close in, but she vanishes again. It's just like Kaz thought, she was invincible on this Base. She could take out the entire unit in minutes, and she was toying with them! He feels anger in his chest. Unfathomable rage at Snake, at Cipher for creating this, at Ocelot for not using that pretty fucking head of his to think instead of sucking Boss's metaphorical dick and agreeing with him at every damn turn. Rage at the fact that neither would listen to him.

Ocelot steps forward, looking shocked for some fucking reason. Did he actually not expect this? Unbelievable!

"Thermals!" Ocelot yells, eyes darting around. If Kaz wasn't mistaken he could detect a slight hint of worry. Serves him right, dick.

A soldier puts his goggles on and looks around, Kaz can hear her humming in the distance. Teasing them. Only making his anger burn hotter.

The soldiers zero in on her spot, and she reappears. From the humming, it sounded like she wanted to be found. Why was she toying with them? He didn't understand.

"Seize her," Ocelot orders, tone suddenly changing. Perhaps he’s finally realized  that maybe letting a inhuman abomination with abilities and motives that neither of them understood on base was a bad idea. Kaz wants to say I told you so. But he'll save those as his last words. It's not over yet. Not until she's dead.

Her posture is not hostile. She stands still with her hands relaxed by her side. Confident, almost bored. A pretty easy read, as far as people go. Only one way to find out if she was going to kill them now, or play a long con.

Kaz walks up to the group. "Fire!" he orders, warily eyeing Quiet. The black marks on her eyes vanish, and a very brief look of panic flashes on her face.

Ocelot grabs the shoulder of the guard nearest to Quiet, stopping him, and glares at Kaz. "Miller!"

Oh, he was really angry. Good. Kaz continues to limp towards him, eyes flickering between Ocelot, the guard, and Quiet. Quiet backs  up slightly, but remains corporeal. Kaz can see her thinking, trying to devise a way out of the situation. She must have thought that Kaz wouldn't actually go against Snake so aggressively.

"She saved the Boss!" Ocelot says, his grip on the soldier unwavering.

"She was saving herself!" Kaz shoots back. He jabbins the soldier in the arm. "Fire!"

Kaz looks at Quiet, and he can see her eyes dart around, trying to think of a way out of this. Maybe the jet had not been for her—coincidences happen and there were lots of reason to shoot down an unmarked chopper—but she was in that chopper, and she would have died too. Of course she would save them.

"Put her in the cell." The voice cuts through the air like a knife. Everyone freezes, and Quiet imperceptibly relaxes. Looks like she trusts Boss already.

It at least took Kaz a few weeks to trust him fully, what the hell was wrong with this woman? It  _ had  _ to be a calculated act.

Snake walks through the crowd, hands up and gently pushing the soldiers’ guns down. They all step back, listening obediently.

"Keep an eye on her," he says, to Ocelot. His tone is gentle, letting everyone know that he vouches for this woman without directly stating so.

"Right." Ocelot's voice is soft, almost submissive. "Take her away." he adds, slightly sharper to the soldiers.

The soldiers motion for her to move, but she just stares at them, stunned.

"What are you waiting for? Move!" 

Kaz almost scoffs at Ocelot. Maybe he should take a page from Snake's book and be a little nicer if he wants her to listen. Looks like she’s having a hard time comprehending the situation. Whether it be her plan to betray Snake's trust fell through, or she actually thought she would die. Maybe she wasn't as hardy as the other Skulls. Made for a different purpose perhaps. She certainly didn’t look like the other Skulls.

Whatever it was, she instantly relaxes when Snake lays a comforting hand on her shoulder. Doesn't even flinch. They share a long look, it makes Kaz feel a little...jealous. But he understands the meaning behind it.

'I won't let them hurt you.' Typical Boss.

Quiet nods, and turns around,walking towards the cell he had prepared. He notices a slight sway to her hips, looks like she felt that way for the Boss. Kaz doesn't like it.

Snake watches the soldiers go, slight frown on his face as Kaz limps to his side. He was angry still at Boss. Whatever morality tug of war Quiet was going for wasn't worth this. Wasn't worth the base and the men.

"Boss. You are going to regret this!" Kaz can't keep the anger and desperation out of his voice. He cringes at the raw emotion but continues. "That woman **—** "

"I know." Snake doesn’t meet Kaz's eyes. "She knows our location," he says gravely, as if he just realized the implications of what he's just done.

Snake sighs. "Either way, one of these days we're gonna have to kill her,"—he pauses, collecting himself—"but now is  _ not  _ that time."

Kaz continues to stare at Snake, watching the gears turn in his head. He didn't think Kaz would do this. Must have thought he was making empty threats. Underestimating others again.

Snake turns away, looks at Quiet being escorted to the brig. "When the time comes...I'll pull the trigger."

Kaz’s anger subsides slightly. At least Snake understands that whatever comes of this, he will have to clean it up. 'Should have done that at the ruins,' he wants to say. If he were a pettier man, he would, but h

e keeps his mouth shut instead. He shuffles past Snake and heads towards his office. Better to let the man clean himself up and rest a bit before they talk.

No, his mind is a storm. He’s not ready to talk to Snake yet. Kaz changes his route, heading towards his room. He needs to calm down. Take a shower and think more about this Quiet situation. He doesn’t have a lot of information, but he needs to go over what he learned.

Kaz closes the door and sits heavily on his bed, dropping his cane to the floor. He lets himself crack.

He bounces his knees, slowly letting his nervous energy seep out of him. He grabs the thin blanket and wraps it around his shoulders, creating a flimsy, but tangible wall against the world. He hates when he gets  like this—piling layers onto himself when he’s scared or nervous—as if having more clothes could shield him from the other children's insults, from feelings of anger and betrayal.

He wishes, momentarily, for Costa Rica. For a time when he only needed go roll his sleeves down for comfort, instead of having to wear a vest and jacket and dress shirt. Where he could wear a damn speedo instead of avoiding looking at himself in the damn showers.

Kaz takes a slow breath in through his nose, and out through his mouth, shutting down his train of thought. Now isn’t the time.

He gently massages his arms stump and thinks. He knew that Quiet had an ulterior motive. She shot a man out of a moving fighter jet, while on a helicopter. There was no way she couldn't hit Snake when they were at the ruins. She wasn't aiming to kill him, but that could mean a lot of things.

Kaz tugs the blanket closer. She might have been planning to get captured all along; she could have run anytime during the protracted fight in the ruins. She stayed for a reason. The struggle with the gun was probably an act of sorts, to seem pitiful to Snake.

The stunt in the helicopter was most likely done out of necessity. No point overthinking that. Although the implications of her waiting unseen on the helicopter worry Kaz. Maybe she had been planning to infiltrate that way.

Thankfully no one got hurt, but the men were going to be worried about her being on base. The woman’s ability to teleport, her speed, and invisibility were monstrous. Not to mention that, as a Skull, she's already pretty tough. The extent of her abilities is unclear, but Kaz can guess that she isn't able to use weapons while incorporeal, and that she may not be able to teleport when hurt or exhausted. Hard to contain; the cell would be useless.

But it all leads to the same question: what is she doing? She was obviously affiliated with Cipher in some way, but different from the normal Skulls. More human, to appeal to Boss' humanity? Was she trying to get close to Snake and the others? Kill them outright or have some sort of long con against them? It's too early to tell, Kaz needs more time with her to get a good read. Time he's not willing to spend. Ocelot might be able to get something out of her. She seemed either unable or unwilling to speak, but perhaps she could write. Didn't seem illiterate.

Kaz wasn't really going to question her outfit. There was a reason. Probably.

He sighs and rubs his face under his glasses, this isn't getting him far. Too little information. If they weren't dead by tomorrow, it would be a damn miracle.

His door opens and Kaz doesn't look up. He knows who's there, and honestly doesn't particularly want to talk to him. But he did ask for it, even if he would have preferred it to be in his office.

The door closes and Kaz looks up at Snake. He’s changed out of his sneaking suit, and looks refreshed with damp hair. He avoids Kaz's eyes for a moment, a look of guilt flashing across his face. They regard each other in silence for a moment. Kaz knows he looks like shit. He wordlessly points to a chair shoved against the desk in the corner.

Snake walks over to the chair, silent, and sets  it directly in front of Kaz before taking a seat. He leans forward, slightly hunched, barely a foot away. The presence comforts Kaz. He should start.

The both open their mouths at the same time, and stop.

Kaz gives a soft laugh. "Let me go first, Boss,"

Snake nods, clasping his hands and looking at Kaz expectantly. Kaz takes a breath.

"Snake, I understand that you want to show that woman mercy and avoid needless bloodshed, but it isn't safe," Kaz begins, keeping his tone light but serious. He isn't going to get angry. "With her abilities she could kill every one of us on base with very little fight. And the fact that she didn't kill you outright means she's up to something."

Kaz pauses, letting Snake mull over his words before he continues. "Snake...whatever she is, she's apart of the Skulls. Of Cipher. 

“Those monsters took my arm and leg." His voice cracks, and he swallows hard. He's not going to cry here not over this. "I don't know what you see in her, or why you think it’s ok to bring her to base but..." Kaz's voice fades out, and he slides his sunglasses down slightly to look at Snake directly. "I trust you. I trust your judgement. She can stay, and I won't provoke or attack her." He slides his glasses back up.

"But you're responsible for her actions."

Snake nods, and they sit in silence for a few minutes. Kaz shrugs the blanket off, waiting for Snake to speak.

"I'm...." Snake looks down, avoiding him. It’s odd, usually he doesn't get like this. "I’m sorry, for causing you this stress. I know it’s....not..." Snake frowns and runs a hand down his face.

"I should have known there was a reason behind you wanting to kill her. And I was going to but..." He trails off, a distant look in his eye. "I got this...feeling. That I should help her. That I knew how to help her. I don't know how to describe it. I...I felt like a different person."

Kaz tilts his head.  _ A different person _ . He tries to push back his growing suspicions, instead laying a comforting hand on Snake's knee.

"Hey, you've been out of it for a while. Give yourself time. These things don't heal as fast as bullet wounds." Kaz squeezes his knee before pulling his hand back, only for Snake to reach out and take it, entwining their fingers. Kaz can feel his warmth through their gloves.

"I feel so lost around Ocelot," Snake murmurs softly, staring at their hands, "I trust him, and he trusts me but...he feels like a stranger. We have history, but....its all fuzzy. Like it's a movie."

Kaz nervously shifts. He's unsure what to say. Is Snake admitting to more memory loss, or something else? Kaz wants to pull away. His hand feels like its burning.

"Kaz...you feel right. I feel...whole when I'm with you." Snake's voice is a whisper, and he has a far away look is in his eye. But the fondness the pure tenderness that seeped into those words—it was unlike Snake, but hearkened of another man.

Kaz feels afraid. He feels like he is alone in the room with a stranger. A man he doesn't know, but resembles ones he does. Kaz wants to pull away, to run away to hide. This isn't the Snake he was used to know. This is someone else. This is wrong. 

This is wrong. This is wrong.

Kaz nods, and squeezes the man's hand. "Then I'll stay with you, until you feel whole without me around...John."

Snake's eyes don't light up the same way they used to when Kaz says his name, but he still smiles at the words. Eyes alighting with a different fire.

Snake leans forward, placing his metal hand on the bed as he does so. What is he...

Kaz jerks back when the cool horn touches his forehead. He pulls his hand out from the man's grasp and quickly moves away, grabbing his cane off the floor and getting to his feet.

Snake was trying to kiss him.

Kaz clears his throat, making the room more awkward. A look of hurt flashes across Snake's face before fading into a mask of cool indifference. He rises to his feet as well.

"You should go visit the troops, make sure they're okay. Emmerich can wait until tomorrow," Kaz says quickly, attempting to ease the tension. It doesn’t. 

Snake nods and quietly sees himself out.

Kaz follows and turns to walk towards his office. The sound of Snake playfully punching a soldier fades into the distance. Something is wrong with Snake and he has to get to the bottom of it. Kaz is starting to worry that he was going absolutely fucking insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dont worry, the boys wont be kissing for a while :3c


	9. We'll hear the rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long i didnt feel like it lmoa

Quiet was...well, quiet. She sat in her cell like a good prisoner and looked sad. Ocelot did what he could, but she was stubborn. Wouldn't speak, refused to write. It was...troublesome.

And Kaz wasn't the only one on edge. She had been here three days and the soldiers were starting to get antsy that she hadn't moved. Kaz had multiple reports of soldiers not going near the medical platform, claiming she had attacked them. It was childish, but bespoke real fear.

Snake puts off the mission for a few days, making sure everything at base is relatively settled before getting geared up in his sneaking suit and taking off again. 

From his place in mission control, Kaz watches Snake drive a stolen jeep down the road, Take Me On blaring on the speakers, and Kaz wants to be anywhere else but there.

"Should we tell him that we can hear what he plays?" he asks through gritted teeth as Snake rewinds the deck, starting the song from the beginning.

"Think that'll stop him?" Ocelot responds, feet kicked up on the desk and idly twirling a pistol.

"No, but he might feel bad enough to listen to something else."

Kaz remembers the day that Snake was sent in to take out the Spetsnaz commander. It was an awful day. It was the day he found a cassette for Kids in America 

Until then, he had listened to Love Deterrence on repeat in the field. He still played it often, actually. Even set it as the helicopter music. Kaz didn't have the heart to ask for the tape back. It gave Snake some comfort, he listened to it more.

But when he heard Kids in America playing from the room over, it was like a new beast was released. Snake froze and almost immediately forgot the commander. Like a bat out of hell, he raced into the room the music was coming from and snatched it up. And then played it. Nonstop. For days. It was cute at first, but Kaz shudders every time he hears the chorus now. He could never hear that song again, and it would still be too much.

"Has he...always liked music?" Kaz carefully asks. He and Ocelot had gotten over their 'Snake Likes Me More' rivalry a few years ago. Mostly. They realized that they had met Snake at very different times in his life, and their interactions with the man and relationships were different. Even if Snake liked Kaz better and Ocelot just doesn't want to admit it.

Kaz wins because Snake actually fucked him, unlike Ocelot. Who is an asshole that will die a sad virgin.

"Not that I know of. He tended to listen to whatever happened to be on, as I recall. Maybe it's the horn,"

Kaz taps his fingers on the desk and leans back on his chair, propping his stump up on a stool. It was important to keep it level while sitting.

"Do you think that...maybe we're blaming a little too much on his horn?" Kaz is careful to keep his tone casual as he watches Ocelot from the corner of his eye. The man's eyes narrow minimally, which means he's thinking, and he tosses the gun up, gracefully catching it in his other hand with ease before sliding it into its holster.

"You implyin' somethin' else is wrong?" comes Ocelot's reply. A question with a question. Typical.

Kaz shrugs, dropping the conversation before it really began as Boss finally switches songs. The first chords of Love Deterrence play, and Kaz relaxes. He listens for the waves in the background.

He was working on a theory of sorts. It was outlandish, to say the least. And unfortunately, the only person that could potentially give him a straight answer on it was Ocelot. The theory itself is based in highly biased and circumstantial evidence at best, but Kaz has a...feeling. And he trusts it. No matter how outlandish it was. If his hunch is correct, it will reveal itself in time. He just has to be patient and hold his cards close to his chest.

The music stops, and Snake carefully parks the car before getting out.

"Good, you made it to Serak Power Plant. Emmerich should be beyond the gate at the northern edge of the facility," Kaz says as Snake begins crawling along the grass, marking soldiers with his binoculars.” We have no idea what he's doing back there, but let's go find out."

Kaz didn't want to delay this mission any further. He wanted answers and soon. The power plant isn’t heavily guarded, so Snake will be able to sneak through easily. Especially with DD along warning him of approaching soldiers.

"That song Boss plays....it's your tape isn't it?"

Kaz clenches his jaw, he doesn't like the fact that Ocelot knows that.

"Yeah."

"You play the song yourself, or was it just a recording of someone else?"

He tries not to get angry at the other man. He sounded genuinely curious, it was just a sore topic.

"I played it."

Ocelot lets out a small hum, allowing a moment of silence for Kaz to let his guard down.

"It's a real shame about your arm. You got real talent." Ah there it is. What a cunt.

"Thanks."

Kaz dutifully glares at the screen, trying not to rise to Ocelot's bait.

"I think Boss would like to hear you play. We can always get you a cybernetic." 

Kaz breaks and looks at Ocelot. the man is staring at him, face expressionless.

"No thank you," he grits out, and turns back to the feed. He's gone over this with Ocelot multiple times. He isn't going to bother with a cybernetic. He’s got along just fine without it.

But...the thought is tempting, if only to play again. He misses gently strumming out a song or two after a long day. He misses playing for the soldiers during meals every now and then. He would love to play for Snake now, but they had work to do. There’s no time to think about what ifs.

Snake had just picked the lock and passed the gate when a truck drives in. He ducks behind a ledge as Ocelot and Kaz both sit up and start paying attention.

Snake follows closely, and the truck leads them to a cave mouth, filled to the brim with soldiers and steelwork. A familiar and bitchy voice floats in through the haze.

"Just a minute! This isn't what we agreed on!"

Huey. Traitorous bitch. He was on a raised platform and standing...somehow. Kaz can barely make out some sort of contraptions on his legs.

"The changes have already been finalized."

Skull Face. Two of Kaz's least favourite people. Wonderful.

"It's not operational yet! The remote piloting and AI control haven't reached the application stage!"

Sounds like Emmerich had picked up right where he left off after MSF. The only difference was management.

"Who said anything about an AI? That was Coldmans mistake ten years ago." Skull Face responds, clearly annoyed.

"Be that as it may, we'll need to modify the postural control to accommodate a human pilot."

Huh, a human piloting another battle tank? Kaz doesn't like the sound of that.

"I share your urgency. But...we need more time to finish it!"

A soldier walks up to Skull Face, and whispers in Skull Face's ear. Skull Face approaches Emmerich. "Planning on leaving us, doctor?"

Emmerich freezes up, a dumb confused look on his face. 

Damn, looks like they were caught. And with Huey stalling for time they would only have a short window to get him out of there before Skull Face either killed or moved him.

Skull Face grabs the man and spins him toward the stairs of the raised platform. "I'm taking your legs back!" he screams, then shoves Emmerich down the steps. The loud clangs and thuds sound incredibly painful, but Kaz shares no pity for the man.

"So you're just gonna...kill me?"

Skull Face walks down the steps, glaring at Emmerich. "Sahelanthropus is mine now."

Skull Face stands over Emmerich momentarily before removing his hat and leaning down and grabbing the doctor's shirt, pulling him close.

"Listen," he growls, "I may dwell in the dark, but I refuse to be judged by your standards, traitor!" Skull Face throws Emmerich back down to the floor.

Kaz snorts. "Even demons know," he mutters to himself, pulling a faint laugh from Ocelot. Not even Skull Face liked Emmerich.

"I hope your friends give you what's coming to you," Skull Face hisses before rising to his feet. 

Kaz grins. Oh, they will.

A small Walker Gear with a arm picks Emmerich up, and Skull Face turns away. "Take him to the base!" he orders.

The soldiers scramble around, forming up and preparing to head towards the Central Base Camp.

"We still have use for him." Skull Face says cryptically before jumping into a jeep, and leaving with his armoured guard.

Snake watches them leave, until a mechanical noise causes him to turn. The giant battle gear, Sahelanthropus, is being pulled back into the cave and out of sight.

Kaz chimes in. "No doubt about it, Boss. That man was Emmerich. The weapons system that disappeared into that cave, and the man who was with it....Emmerich must know something about what's going on." Kaz surveys as Snake begins the arduous task of sneaking out. Dawn is slowly creeping in, and getting into the Central Base in daylight won't be easy. Snake better hurry.

"He was transferred go the Soviets base camp. I've marked it on your map, make your way there," Kaz says, leaning forward to place a marker on the command center’s iDroid screen. Based on intel from the field crew flanking the convoy, Huey was being taken to a heavily fortified bunker. Hard to get in, hard to get out. Even harder with a target.

Snake has already made it to the pipe he snuck in on,quickly crouch walking across it. Boss will get out of this one just fine, no need to worry too much.

Snake skirts past two patrolling soldiers, CQCing them down and hops into his jeep, starting it up.

"Did you see that, Boss?` That giant weapons system that disappeared into the cave?" Ocelot leans his elbows on the table, fiddling with a pen. "I've...heard it’s one of the Kremlin’s biggest secrets. But to think that doctor has been working on it..." Ocelot shakes his head. Kaz sometimes forgets Ocelot is still technically working with the Soviets. And probably a few other government and non-government organizations. How Ocelot sleeps at night, Kaz doesn’t want to know.

"And that man...he's been on my mind since you encountered the Skulls during the Honey bee mission. It’s really him..."

Ocelot pauses, frowning at the table, "Boss, he's the commander of the Cipher strike force XOF. And probably the mastermind of the attack nine years ago."

"But I thought he and Zero parted ways…” Kaz's arm throbs, his right one. ”I'll look into it. You just focus on the mission." 

Snake doesn't reply, simply continues driving along, heading towards the objective.

"Keep me posted on what you find," Kaz says as Ocelot writes a quick note down on a small legal pad. "Please," he adds for good measure. 

Ocelot smirks and glances up at him before nodding.

Snake comes to a screeching halt near the Central Base and  hops out of the car. He gently pats the hood before attaching a cargo fulton to it. Boss gets very attached to these cars.

DD suddenly barks, alerting Snake to a pair of wolves circling him and growling. Kaz sees his vitals spike, but Snake shows no outward indication of such. With a couple of deft shots, he tranquilizes them, then quickly extracts them. Probably grinning to himself. 

Boss was going to be very excited about the Animal Conservation platform Kaz is working on. They had recently taken on a few contracts from a couple of conservationist groups out of the United Kingdom and the States. With the 40% advance from them secured, construction is slated to start within the week, , and it will be finished by the end of the month.

Snake enters the base easily and skirts around the left hand side, taking the quicker, but riskier route to Emmerich. Kaz eyes the material containers to Snake’s left as he passes. They really needed to finish developing that stronger fulton.

Boss continues onward to the back of the building Emmerich is in. Two soldiers guard the only unlocked door.  Snake takes both out. 

He pulls out his other pistol and slowly enters the bunker, cautiously scanning the room.

A robotic female voice cuts through the silence, and Kaz sees Snake startle. Snake whirls to face the source of the voice—an AI pod. "Who are you?"  it says. "Snake...? It's not you...is it?"

Is that...the Boss’s voice? Does the pod not recognize Snake...? Huey must have done something. 

"Hey!"a familiar voice calls out.

Snake turns to point his gun at him. Emmerich. 

"It's just a machine," he says.

Snake lowers his gun and approaches the man. He's crouched at a desk, a strange contraption attached to his legs. He rises as Boss nears. He squints and leans in close to Snake, scrutinizing him. As if he were just an object. Kaz wants to punch his turd face in.

"Are you...?"

"Dr. Emmerich." Boss's voice is like a knife.

"Snake?" is all he can say before Boss shoves a bag over his head.

"Hey, what gives!?"

Snake slides his knife out and cuts the cords on Emmerich's robot leg...things. The legs give out beneath him, and he cries out as he falls forward into Snake’s arms. 

"Let me go!" Emmerich whines as Snake easily drapes him over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry. "No! Give me back my legs!" Snake doesn’t even acknowledge him.

"Right on schedule!" Kaz chimes in, also ignoring Emmerich. "Now bring him back to Mother Base."

Snake activates Emmerich's personal walker, loads him up onto it, then rides it out of the bunker. Kaz watches nervously. He doesn’t like seeing Snake use Emmerich’s tech; his gut instinct says it’s a trap—a bomb rigged to explode any second. But several minutes later, the walker remains unexploded, and Kaz’s anxiety subsides marginally.  They might be able to make some use out if it after all. 

While Snake makes his way to the pickup location, Kaz calls the chopper to arrive at the outcropping the same time Snake does.

Fifteen minutes of creeping later, the chopper is finally in sight, and Snake fultons the walker. Hopefully it’s not rigged to explode when it touches down on Mother Base.. 

 

Pequod is about to descend when , something goes wrong.

Namely, the giant weapons system that falls from the sky and lands in front of the chopper. Oh, and the floating child is there too.

When the dust clears, they get a good look at it. "Sahelanthropus? How?" Emmerich cries.

"So that's the metal gear he built for the Soviets" Ocelot murmurs, leaning into the screen. 

There’s a man in the hulking metal beast's hand.

"Doctor! You're as useless as I thought!"

Kaz doesn't like agreeing with Skull Face, but he's willing to make an exception this time.

"This is the real Sahelanthropus!" Skull Face exclaims, gesturing at the Metal Gear with flourish. "You and your friend will die here!"

Kaz rolls his eyes. What a dramatic tool.

"Behold! This is the day weapons learned to walk upright!"

Ocelot snorts."He does know those walker gears are bipedal...upright walkers that use weapons, right?" Ocelot asks, watching Skull Face jump onto a helicopter.

"We used to have a Metal Gear that walked upright too. Guess it only counts when it’s his."

The Metal Gear turns to Snake, and Kaz suddenly realizes the gravity of the situation. "Get out of there, Boss! Emmerich's extraction and your life come first. Head to the LZ."

Snake bolts past the weapon’s feet and crouches next to an outcropping of rocks. The Metal Gear roars loudly and stomps around. They watch tensely as Snake slowly maneuvers himself out of the creatures sights until it begins to wander away, roaring. The AI must be pretty dumb.

"I think you lost it..." Kaz says, relieved. "The chopper’s touching down—don't waste anytime getting on."

Snake runs to the chopper, then throws  Emmerich in and hauls himself up. Kaz feels he can breath easy for a moment. One step closer to getting to Skull Face. One step closer to revenge.

Until the Metal Gear leaps onto a high outcropping, staring down the chopper. Shit.

"Here it comes, use the chopper’s minigun! Shake em' off!"

The beast fires off a volley of missiles, but Snake quickly shoots them down with short accurate bursts. It turns to follow them, red almost-eyes glowing. It crouches and then honest to god leaps at the chopper.

"Shoot that thing!" Ocelot yells. His grip tightens on his mic and he grimaces.. If Snake died now...it was all over.

The turret is loud over the speakers, and the machine practically moves in slow motion, arm raising to punch the chopper out of the sky, until it explodes falling back to earth in a fiery ball. That wouldn't be the last of it.

Snake leans out the door slightly, watching the bits of metal fly off it, until Emmerich speaks.

Emmerich stares dejectedly at the Metal Gear as it recedes into the distance. "An upright bipedal weapon. In terms of hominids, it's a Sahelanthropus. How did they complete it without me?"  

Kaz rolls his eyes; there are smarter people in the world than that jackass. "We'll hear the rest back at base," he chimes in, getting to his feet and stretching. He watches Snake give Emmerich a look before he tugs the black bag down. Kaz wishes he could see the look of disgust on his face, but they would soon.

"Feel free to get your...room ready," Kaz says to Ocelot. Room 101. The interrogation room. Where Ocelot practices his “art form”.

"Miller," Ocelot begins, also standing from the desk, "I know you don't like doin' what I do, but do you think you could be in there with me?"

Kaz guesses the face he makes in response says no, because Ocelot quickly continues.

"Not the whole time, mind you. Give me n hour or two alone. But I think havin' you around might get him to make mistakes. Panic enough for us to catch him in a lie."

As much as Kaz hates Emmerich,  he's not willing to be apart of the peanut gallery unless there's a good reason. And he's not fully convinced.

"...you can always join in."

Kaz rolls his eyes. It’s  very tempting, but he's not giving Ocelot a solid yes. "I'll come in after an hour, then stay as long as I need to."

Ocelot smiles. It churns Kaz's stomach.

"Thank you, Miller."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is millers death anniversary so rip kazuhira mcdonnel benedict miller
> 
> Hes been dead for 13 slutty, slutty years


	10. Odd one out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huey is a nasty bitch

The chopper touches down six hours later on the intel platform, far away from the majority of the base’s resident. The fewer soldiers that see Emmerich, the better. For the sake of his own safety. 

DD jumps out and trots over to Kaz, butting her head against his leg. Kaz stoically pats her head as he watches Snake pull Emmerich out. 

Kaz looks at Snake, then nods in the direction of room 101, motioning for him to follow. Snake had only been in the room once during a quick tour. 

The door opens to a long hallway with a large tinted window overlooking the interrogation chamber. The room is mostly empty, save for a few chairs and tables. What’s not illuminated by  the single stark fluorescent lamp above the door is bathed in the dim red of the emergency lighting. It gives Kaz the creeps.

Snake lugs Emmerich down the narrow corridor and into the interrogation room, then drops him unceremoniously on the floor. His constant whimpering is starting to get on all of their nerves. 

At the desk in the middle of the room, Kaz sets down a cassette recorder and a few extra tapes for Ocelot and takes a seat. At the clink of spurs, Kaz turns to see Ocelot walk in, a bucket of water in hand.

"I'll wait outside," Snake says, silently walking towards the door. "You know what to do."

Ocelot smiles a thin cold smile that makes Kaz shudder. "Of course."

 

Ocelot straightens Emmerich up and maneuvers him and his robotic legs into a sitting position, ignoring the doctor’s whines of protest.

"Dr. Emmerich. I'm afraid we haven't met," Ocelot says cordially before he rips the black sack off of the man’s head.

Emmerich gasps dramatically. "Wh-who are you? Where did Snake go?"

Ocelot doesn't reply immediately. Instead, he gives Emmerich a through pat down, emptying his pockets, taking his glasses away, and setting them all on the table in front of Kaz.

"My name is Ocelot. I'll be asking you a few questions."

Emmerich's eyes fill with fear and dart quickly around the room. When his gaze falls upon Kaz, he furrows his brows in disbelief. As if he saw a ghost.

"M-Miller? I thought you were dead!"

Kaz scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Well aren't you happy to see me, Emmerich." Kaz glares at him, but he has nothing more to say. He sees the way the doctor’s eyes widen at the sight of Kaz's missing limbs, and his eyes flick to the shadowy form of Snake behind the glass.

"I...is that Snake?" He weakly says, shaking.

"Now don't worry about him, he can't hear us. It's just you, me, and Miller." Ocelot hits record on the tape deck and crouches in front of Emmerich, a gentle smile on his face.

"Doctor Emmerich, you're smart man. Why don't you tell us what you've been up to these nine years?"

Emmerich proceeds to stutter out the most heaping pile of shit Kaz has ever heard. He manages not to laugh at half the trash he says. When he's done, Ocelot gives him a patronizing pat on his shoulder.

"Are you gonna let me go now?" he begs as Ocelot turns away to face Kaz. He raises two fingers and Kaz nods, getting to his feet to leave.

"No," Ocelot says. "But I can offer you a cold drink."

Kaz closes the door to Emmerich's shriek and walks over to Snake. The man is staring pensively into the room, watching Ocelot play good and bad cop.

"I doubt he's telling the truth," Kaz begins, shaking his head. "Ocelot wants some...one on one time with him." 

Snake shrugs and lets out a weary sigh. "He'll know what to do. I trust him,"

Kaz can't help but think of what Snake said a few days ago about the man. How his memories of them seemed distant and unreal. It left Kaz feeling suspicious of Ocelot, but apparently despite that Snake trusted him.

Kaz trusts Ocelot as much as one could trust a broken clock. Right at least twice a day, but otherwise highly suspect. Despite his worries, he trusts Snake.

Kaz limps to the door and opens it, Snake following quietly behind him. Maybe they could file some reports together, just like old times.

"Mind driving me back to the main platform?" Kaz asks as Snake falls in step beside him, salty breeze ruffling his hair.

"Don't you know how to drive?" Snake replies, a soft smile on his lips.

Kaz can't help the irrational spike of rage that envelops him.

"Hard to shift gears with one arm, Snake."

His words are sharp, spiteful and bitter. 

The smile fades from Snake's lips, and Kaz regrets his words immediately. It's not Snake's fault. They cut his arm off after a week. He couldn't have saved him. He should apologize, but he’s too prideful, too angry, to say anything.. 

Instead he pulls the jeep door open and sits in the passenger side, slamming it shut with more force than necessary.

Snake starts the car and and looks at Kaz, but Kaz avoids his eyes and stares out into the ocean, determined to suffer the ride in silence. 

He remembers when he first got to America. Only ten, could barely speak English beyond basic numbers, greetings, and broken statements.

His dad cried when he saw him at the airport. He walked up to Kaz and kneeled down, opening his arms for a hug Kaz eagerly gave him.

He whispered  _ Ben  _ as he cried. Kaz learned later that it was his brothers name. His dead brother.

The first few weeks were awkward—hard to bond with a kid that barely shared a language and looked like the spitting image of a recently deceased son—but they made it work.

One of the first things his dad did was teach Kaz to drive. In retrospect, putting a ten year old behind the wheel was probably a little irresponsible on his dad’s part, but Kaz was a quick learner.  After a few driving lessons,his dad had let him drive to the nearest restaurant. It was there that they had eaten the best—and first—burgers Kaz had ever tasted. The whole experience had been exhilarating.

That was America. That was freedom. For once in his life, he felt like he belonged. He was with others that looked like him. Even if he was worlds apart, he felt at home. He felt alive.

And now Kaz has to ask recruits to drive him around. It’s pathetic. Refusing cybernetics was him being a cocky bitch, but to refuse basic help was just hubris. He will keep the dignity he has left, and bear his rides without complaint.

They pull onto the main platform and come to a stop, but Kaz continues to stew in his memories. From the corner of his eye, he can see Snake staring at him, hand still resting on the wheel.

"You should rest," he finally says, when he realizes Snake isn't moving to get out. Kaz still isn’t looking at him. 

"I was thinking about seeing Quiet."

Kaz feels his anger spike once more. The look must have shown on his face, because Snake's averts his eyes. It takes Kaz a moment to realize he was asking permission.

"You're the Boss. Do what you want." he spits. Kaz reaches to open the car door when Snake's robotic hand grabs his hand.

Kaz grudgingly turns to look at Snake, feeling his bitterness dissolve slightly at the mans face. He’s upset—whether over Kaz's words or reactions, Kaz doesn’t know—but there’s a hint of desperation in his eye.

"Can I stop by after?"

Kaz grits his teeth. Boss never asks permission.

"Don't see why not. You should be sleeping." Kaz says carefully. He doesn't want to give Snake a yes or no. He shouldn't need to give him one. Snake doesn't need Kaz's permission to go around base. He doesn't need Kaz to tell him what to do. Not that he listens anyway.

Snake nods and releases Kaz's hand. 

Kaz exits the car and slams the door. Snake watches him as he makes his way to his office—he knows because he doesn't hear the jeep drive away—but he refuses to look back. He spitefully stabs the elevator call button with his finger. Today is a fucking elevator day, and he’s not about to let Snake’s presence deter him. Still, he doesn’t dare turn around until the doors close behind him and he hears the faint squeal of tires.

Ocelot will be having his go at Emmerich for the next few hours, no use bothering them. Snake will go see that bitch then probably come bother him. The angry thoughts flutter through his mind as he closes his office door.

Kaz is exhausted. His brain has been running over time for hours. So many things to keep track of. Emmerich, Skull Face, Mother Base, Quiet, whatever the hell is wrong with Snake, job offers, recruit training... 

Running MSF had been rough. Hell, the early Diamond Dog days hadn’t been easy either. But this? This is another beast entirely. Every day runs him through the gamut of emotions and leaves left him dead tired after only a few hours.

With a deep sigh, Kaz tugs off his hat and sunglasses and sets them aside before taking a seat at his desk. He rests his head sadly on his arm and closes his eyes. He wants to sleep. Sleep for years.

He just has to be patient. Everything will come in time. Emmerich will give them new leads on Cipher. They’ll make progress on improving Mother Base. Quiet will be dealt with in time. Snake will heal and be back to his old self.

A cold wash of dread runs over him at the last thought. He doesn't want to think about it—to believe that something is  _ wrong  _ with Snake. But the thought clings to him like a leech. It’s been in the back of his mind for days, ever since his rescue—since seeing those bright blue eyes instead of storm grey. Every time he looked at him, it became more and more difficult to ignore. 

He sifts through his memories for a while. There are so many...discrepancies. He’s too gentle. Too tall. Too quiet. He doesn’t train soldiers the same ire tone or jokingly mock them for their mistakes. No, he’d help them fix it; he would tell them what to do in his soft yet commanding voice that bespoke his utmost conviction in them and their abilities. Even the way he does up his boots is different. Everything about him is still familiar, but ever so slightly different. 

Does anybody else see it? He can’t be the only one. But even the most senior soldiers, the ones that had stayed with him him since MSF, had said nothing. Ocelot, who knew Snake just as well as Kaz, also hadn't said anything. Is he just being unreasonably paranoid? He wants to ask Ocelot—that cagey fuck—what the hell is going on, what’s wrong with Snake, if that’s even—

He freezes, a wayward thought coming to his mind. He feels absolutely preposterous just considering it. 

Is the man here on Mother Base a fake? Who is this man taking Snake’s place? Why is he here? And if the Snake here is fake, then where’s the real Big Boss? Who arranged this?

His head is spinning. Snake is missing, and the man in Mother Base is an impostor.

Where the hell is Snake, really? 

Ocelot knew where Snake had been hospitalized. He played a role in all this somehow. If anybody knows what the fuck is going on, it'll be him. But Kaz is never going to get any answers from him—not any truthful ones at least. He’ll have to do the digging himself.

He begins with speculate. Find a situation that would result in the current outcomes.

Maybe Snake died on that helicopter nine years ago and it had taken as long to create a believable facsimile of him. Or maybe he really is in a coma, but they had decided nine years was too long to let his legend stand and sent in Venom to let the legacy come back to life. Or maybe he had died in his sleep sometime between now and then, and that was when they had decided to conveniently replace him.

Kaz runs his fingers through his hair and leans back in his chair with a sigh. Do the details really matter? Corpse or comatose, he’s either dead or functionally dead, and he's not coming back.

Huh. He finds the thought surprising easy to handle. In fact, it actually feels somewhat liberating to finally admit it. Perhaps it's what he'd been waiting for all along. Big Boss is gone.

He finds himself wandering down a familiar mental path, contemplating familiar thoughts, ones he had denied himself for nine years--ignoring them in the vain hope that one day Snake would wake up. And now those thoughts are...free. No longer a taboo but something for him to finally accept. Snake is dead.

His moment of inner peace, however, is aborted almost as soon as it started. No, he's not allowed to be happy. He still has to figure out what the hell is going on.

There's a man with Snake’s face running around base right now, and that really sets Kaz on edge, knowing that this double is leading Diamond Dogs now.  _ Is that why he'd brought Quiet to base? _ To sabotage him? 

He could run these doomsday circles through his head all day about. The dark paths this impostor could take them down. But he sets aside that train of thought for now. It won't do him any good for the time being. There are forces greater than him at work, namely the shadowy cabal that had put him here.

Is this part of Snake’s posthumous agenda? To execute his plans in the case he was dead or incapacitated? No. Snake wouldn’t do this to him--keep his own XO in the dark about a fucked up will and testimony. He would know about this. He was loyal to Snake through and through. He would follow him to the ends of the Earth. Into battle, into death, into hell. No, some organization had usurped control.

He slams his fist into the table.

God,  _ fuck _ ! Why can’t anybody around him ever just tell him the fucking  _ truth _ ?

They had lied to him, manipulated him. Strung him along for  _ nine fucking years _ . They’re using him. They're using  _ Snake _ —his name, his legacy, his  _ face _ . And Diamond Dogs—everything he had built for nearly a decade—just a tool for them. And for what? What the hell do they want from him? Why are they doing this? 

Someone had clearly gone to great lengths to conjure Snake’s ghost. Because he was more than just a person. He wasn't just a man with a name. No, he was Big  _ fucking  _ Boss. A battlefield legend  that countless soldiers were willing to lay down their lives for.  A phantom worthy of worship. 

And they had just given him to Diamond Dogs.

Why? Why return him to them? What is Diamond Dogs to them? A weapon? A fall guy? A cover? How did their goals coincide at all?

He sighs in frustration.

Well, it doesn't matter. Regardless of their intentions or allegiances, he’s not going to be their puppet. Once he’s done hunting down Cipher, he’s going to destroy them too.

And Ocelot. Ocelot is working with them as well. Does  _ he  _ know about Snake’s situation? Was he lying to him too? Or has he been duped? How high is he on this organization’s ladder? Kaz thinks back to his first meeting with Ocelot, and then their subsequent meeting in the hotel, but he can hardly remember anything incriminating. Anything that would imply he knew the whole time.

He ruminates for a while, but comes up with nothing. Eventually, he drifts back to the question that started it all: who is the man the phantom used to be?

With Snake’s face, any two bit soldier worth their salt could go around calling themself Big Boss. But this Venom Snake? He had the skills to back it up. A natural born killer trained to perfection. 

But not just any well trained soldier. He was too familiar. In the helicopter for the first time, Kaz felt as if he was staring into the past. Clearly someone he used to to know.

The only plausible answer is that he'd been on Mother Base nine years ago. Perhaps one of the soldiers that never got into contact with him, that vanished into the night. Whoever it may be, he was awfully buddy buddy with him. Of course, he'd been buddy-buddy with quite a few of the guys back in the day, so that doesn't narrow the list down very much.

Kaz yawns. One question answered, and a hundred more raised. There’s too many loose threads and biased evidence. All just more gibberish. He’ll have to wait for more information...

 

Kaz wakes to a hand centimeters from his face. He jerks up in his seat, looking around the room. The sun is still up, shining through the window, too bright. Kaz squints up at Snake, who pulls his hand away.

"What time is it?" Kaz asks, finding his sunglasses and putting them on.

"Its five. You've only been asleep for an hour." Snakes hair is damp, pulled into a loose ponytail. At least he had showered. He looked tense.

"You okay?" Did his visit with Quiet go badly? Maybe he would do them a favor and kill her.

"Yeah..I'm fine..." Snake's eye is slowly scanning the room, his fingers twitching. Kaz turns and follows his gaze.

There's nothing out of place. The room is...normal. Kaz turns back to Snake, who's now looking directly at him.

"You don't see it?"

Kaz frowns. "See what?"

This causes Snake to sigh. He takes a seat in the chair in the corner, then leans forward and places his elbows on his knees, burying his face in his hands.

"Its nothing."

Kaz scoffs. He looks at his cane and his foot aches. instead, he rolls his chair towards Snake and lays a hand on his shoulder, rubbing slow comforting circles. Just because he isn’t the real Snake doesn't mean he’s a monster. Snake is dead, and this guy is suffering in his place.

"Tell me, Snake. You always tell me these things." it was like Kaz said a magic word. The tension in Snake's shoulders lessens marginally.

"It's the horn. I'm...hallucinating right now."

Oh.

Kaz's expression softens, and he slowly wraps his one arm around Snake. He knew the man might be experiencing some but he always hid it well.

"What...do you see?" Kaz waits a moment before adding, "I'm real, by the way."

That draws a small laugh from Snake. He gently rubs his temples, and closes his eye.

"The room....it's on fire." Snake opens his eye and turns his head to look at Kaz. He studies him, trying to determine what's real and what isn't. "You're not dressed the same," he says finally.

Kaz forces a smile. "Oh? What am I wearing?"

Snake smiles back, just a slight upturn of his lips. It hurts Kaz to see this man forced to look at him that way.

"Your old uniform. Without the jacket."His eyes trail down to his chest and he frowns. "And that dog tag," he says, a tinge of bitterness in his voice.

Kaz looks away, uncertain if there's any meaning to that. He jolts when a cold metal hand touches his shoulder.

"Boss...?"

He moves off the chair to crouch in front of Kaz. Under his icy stare, Kaz remains frozen in place, carefully watching his face.

Wordlessly, Snake slowly reaches for Kaz's neck, and Kaz tenses, but remains still. He knows he can't fight off Snake, not anymore.

Snake’s fingers brush just above his collar, warm against his skin, before dipping below his shirt. Snake’s movements are slow and calculated. Similar to how people handle spooked animals. Snake isn't going to hurt him, not physically.

Callused hands find the chain there, tugging the dogtag up out from under the layers. 

He holds it in his hand like a curiosity, as if it were no more interesting rock on the road, his inscrutable blue eye examining it.  

Kaz breathes in softly, afraid. Of what, he's not sure.

"Who is this?" he asks, low and quiet. 

Kaz doesn't answer. It’s the man he loved, truly and deeply. It’s the man that willingly sacrificed his own life to save Snake’s.  _ Or maybe not even that _ , he realizes now. He doesn't know what to say.

But Snake's eye turns up and bores into him, clear and cold.

He has to answer.

"It's..." Kaz can lie. Say it's his father's, his brother’s, anyone in the world. "It's from someone I love," his traitorous mouth says instead.

Snake's eyes instantly harden, his face shifting to a glare and shoulders tensing. He closes his fist around the tag and yanks the chain, breaking it.

_ What the fuck! _ Enraged, Kaz grabs his wrist and digs his nails in, squeezing as hard as he can.

"Boss," he says firmly, a warning. 

The man stares back. He isn’t really Snake. He’s just Snake’s ghost, revived from the dead. Some phantom. A fake. A puppet. He isn’t allowed to manhandle his past like this. Walk in and expect Kaz to kiss him like it’s '74 and Kaz is a lovesick fool on a beach. Like he's the real Big Boss and not some fucked up science experiment.

He still loved Snake with an almost fanatical devotion, yes.. But those feelings don’t extend to the phantom. Kaz will give him kindness and courtesy, but he owes him nothing more.

These five grams of warped steel are the only thing he has left of the medic, and he isn’t letting this monster touch him.

The demon lets go of the tag and lets it fall to the floor with a small clink. 

Quickly, Kaz releases his wrist and reaches down to pick it up, further pissed off by the fact that he’ll have to get a new chain. He jams it into his pocket. As if shielding it from the open will protect it.

"I'm sorry...That's yours. I gave—" He cuts himself off and stands up, stumbling a bit as he does. He holds his head as if dizzy.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Kaz hisses.

He shakes his head and abruptly leaves, letting the door swing shut instead of closing it. Kaz glares at the door, then gets to his feet.

Fuck this. He's going to watch Ocelot torture Emmerich. It’ll better than this.

 

Six hours later finds Kaz still in room 101, sitting at a desk a few feet from an unconscious Emmerich. Indifferent, he splays the photos they had confiscated from him earlier out on the table. Ocelot wanted him to come into the room this time instead of sulking in the viewing area, He can feel the Snake’s dark presence behind him, watching them grimly from the viewing area. He’d come in only ten minutes ago. He’s still trying not to think about him.

He checks his watch. Emmerich’s thirty minute break is almost up. And on the dot, Ocelot saunters in with another bucket of water to douse Emmerich with.

The man heaves and coughs dramatically. "Why do you suspect me? What did I do? I'm on  _ your  _ side!" he pleads, staring at Ocelot as the man prowls around him. 

Ocelot turns to Kaz and gives him an incredulous look.  _ Can you believe this guy?  _

Kaz manages to not smile at that look. Good to know Ocelot was on the Emmerich hate train.

Emmerich follows his gaze to Kaz, and his eyes light up. "What about him!?"

Oh no, not today. Not to-fucking-day. He looks down at the photos, and idly picks up Emmerich's glasses.

"Miller was in contact with Cipher nine years ago! He was working with them! He's the traitor, Snake!" he says, eyes darting wildly across the directional glass in the hopes of meeting Snake’s eye.

Emmerich really is delusional. Kaz fessed up about Cipher long before the inspection. No skeletons in his closet anymore.

"W-what's that? More truth serum?" Emmerich's nasally voice stutters out.

"No, stronger truth serum." Ocelot had ditched his friendly disposition hours ago. 

"Oh please! Please keep me here. I need protection!"

They’d started talking about tossing Emmerich back to Cipher a few hours ago. It was the one thing that seemed effective. Skull Face would kill him.

Ocelot quickly and easily injects the man with the chemical, they must have gone through quite a few needles.

Kaz sets the glasses down to press record on the tape deck before he takes his cane, he's tired of wasting money on this prick. His cane clanks on the floor, loud and menacing.

"You're the odd one out," he growls. It’s the first thing he's said to the man in hours.

"Why me?" He whimpers in response. Pathetic. Afraid.

Kaz and Ocelot close in, two predators converging on prey.

"We all lost something." Kaz says, as Ocelot crouches down and pluga in Emmerich's mechanical legs. Kaz can't help but appreciate the way the man thinks sometimes.

"What...?"

"Except you," Kaz takes the manual control from the side of the robotic leg. Holding it up just so Emmerich can see it. He lost everything that day. And Emmerich didn't lose shit. Yet he was sniveling. Crying.

Kaz presses the button and the leg begins to lift. Kaz stares into the man’s face. Looking for remorse. For guilt. For any human emotion.

"Please....don't!" There’s only panic and fear in his eyes, only survival instincts. Fucking disgusting. 

Kaz shoves him to the floor and watches his metal leg click up and up, straining his knee further. Emmerich screams. Kaz feels nothing for him.

If Kaz had been younger, he might have yelled more. Screamed, hurt him. But really, Emmerich is a sad excuse for a person; hurting him won’t make Kaz hurt any less now. Maybe back then, but all he wants now is the truth.

Kaz turns away from him and limps to the door. On his way out, he sees Ocelot give Emmerich a look that makes his own skin crawl. 

He opens the door and slowly makes his way to the viewing room. Snake is there watching the interrogation with a scowl. Kaz decides he isn’t going to mention earlier. Just silently add it to the evidence pile.

Kaz maintains a careful distance from him. "The truth serum isn't working. Either some procedure he had done boosted his metabolic enzymes or he's undergone gene therapy."

Snake watches Ocelot lean down to loom over Emmerich. "What's he saying?"

"Same as six hours ago." Kaz looks to Boss, pitching his voice up slightly to imitate Emmerich’s nasally whine. "I had no idea the nuclear inspection nine years ago was a ruse. Cipher forced me to do their research after the attack."

Snake looks at Kaz, and he immediately averts his gaze to look at Emmerich. Not wanting to stare into the familiar blue.

"Do you think he had a hand in it?"

Kaz remembers the way Emmerich had acted that night. He was nervous and jittery. He’s asked them to disarm the guards. Something Snake should remember.

"I do," Kaz replies. "But there's no solid proof yet." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out an interrogation recording. "Take a listen to this later," he says before turning to leave. He has to get back to work.

"We need proof before we can pass judgement," Venom says, shaking his head.

Kaz holds back a scoff. Since when did Snake act so high and mighty?

"Keep an eye on him. And don't tell anyone he's here."

Kaz pauses nearing the door. They can still use him. "We’ll have him continue his research in there. Its for his own good,” he says over his shoulder, a light sarcasm in his voice. “The older guys will want his head. We can’t guarantee his safety if we let him out."

Snake looks away, but he understands.

"Boss!" Ocelot says as he enters the room. 

Kaz watches Snake approach Ocelot for a moment before looking back to the door, leg hurting too much to make the effort to turn around. He just listens to their conversation. 

"He mentioned something interesting. The reason why they pulled their plug on the operations in Afghanistan."

Kaz perks up at Ocelot's words. They’re finally getting somewhere.

"He said their funding started going to central Africa instead,” he continues. “‘Cipher is pursuing new research in Africa.’"

"Africa, huh?" He pauses. "What research?"

There’s a long silence while the two shuffle around behind him.

Ocelot begins again. "Emmerich doesn't know the details but one thing he said does make sense. Sahelanthropus alone isn't enough to cause an RMA."

Kaz tilts his head, mind already racing with the possibilities.

"He claims that what they're doing in Africa is the missing piece. A weapon to surpass Metal Gear." Ocelot's tone is deathly serious, and Kaz turns, leg be damned. The implications of such a weapon are immense. The global political landscape could change in an instant if they were making something bigger than Zeke. Something worse.

Snake looks at Kaz, his face etched with worry and dread. It makes Kaz's stomach twist. "Meaning it's not just another nuke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im going to a convention this weekend so there wont be a new chapter in a bit! If ur going to anime crossroads in indy come beat the shit out of me tho


	11. This pain is ours and ours alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for rape mention

Following Ciphers money trail was almost impossible at best, and even with Emmerich's tip off the intel team was still trying to zero in on the AO of Ciphers cut outs. Afghanistan is a big place, but Africa is bigger. They were currently following a few promising leads around the Zaire border, but nothing was concrete at the moment. 

This did nothing to ease the stress from the past few weeks that was building in Kaz. Ocelot and Snake managed to somehow bring Quiet out into the field on various side missions. The audacity of Ocelot having Quiet almost destroy the very expensive helicopter and then undermine his authority and let the bitch go made his blood boil. But he would listen to Snake if he really wanted that woman out there with him.

Everything she did just made him more stressed. She wasn't running, meaning she had a plan for on base. She hadn't killed Snake, meaning she had a plan for Snake. He didn't like it, and only a little of the was jealousy.

Kaz didn't go out in the field with Snake often. He wasn't an incompetent soldier, but he was more useful in other places. Even if the man wasn't really Snake he still wanted to be of use to him in some way. He was enough like the man that Kaz can delude himself into loving him again. Better than living with two dead lovers.

Which brought Kaz to the task at hand. Figuring out just who was behind the façade. With the intel team busy Kaz was having some of his more intel inclined Base Development Staff search for missing MSF members. Wanting to offer them a home back with Big Boss was a good cover, and not entirely untrue. It allowed him to covertly look into staff that had gone of the radar, bodies that hadn't been recovered and compare. He set up a relatively crude facial recognition program for his Idroid that compared the facial features in the staffs picture to Venom Snake's. Along with height, print records, and blood type.

Unfortunately he hasn't yet found a match that was higher than 55%, but it had been slow going to begin with. The answers would come in time.

Kaz clicks his Idroid to a familiar bio. The medics stern face is at the top along with the medical information matching his dog tags. Old records from MSF that Flame Wolf had managed to recover from a black box near the medical platform on the old mother base. Many of the staff bios had been too garbled to read or get a clean photo to run the facial program, but medics had survived unscathed.

It was pointless to look at a dead mans information. It was things Kaz knew long before they had anything. That he had a S+ in medicine, A+ ranks in everything. He could only speak English. It was cute, considering how many other staff could barely light a fire but could speak four languages.

Kaz hadn't run the program on the picture. He was determined to let the medic rest in peace. He wasn't going to doubt the only thing that was true. Even if it was an awful truth.

His hand clicked over to the facial scan button never the less. What would he really prove by running the scan? The two already looked uncomfortably similar, it would just prove Kaz had a thing for brunets.

He pockets his Idoid and gets to his feet. He's not going to press it, not today. It's almost midnight anyway he might as well go to bed and get up early tomorrow. Snake would be leaving for another set of side operations to keep GMP and staff flowing. Kaz didn't want to admit that he had been childishly avoid Snake since the fiasco with Quiet. It was unfair by all accounts, Ocelot was the one pressing Snake to bring the freak along, but Kaz wanted some sort of repercussion.

It was nice to have Snake around training the tropes more. Ocelot's hand to hand combat and survival skills are adequate at best and laughable at worst. But he could train the worst to shoot a gun like the best. Its not like Kaz could train anyone anymore. He missed his drills on MSF more than he thought he would. He wanted to help these soldiers have a better chance of living until they could die without a gun. His cane clicks in the ground and a passing soldier salutes.

"Commander Miller! Boss was looking for you earlier!"

Kaz stops and raises his eyebrows, "Oh really? He say what for?"

"No sir!"

Kaz holds back a sigh and nods, "At ease, I'll find him eventually,"

Snake had been avoiding Kaz's office as much as Kaz had been avoiding him in general. Only speaking during meeting couldn't sustain mother base forever. Especially when Snake was finally sent go Africa for more important missions. Kaz would find him, maybe apologize. Maybe.

God, Ocelot was right. This base was a fucking kindergarten. He would go find Snake and apologize like an adult. Put this shit behind him.

He hears the tap of paws as he nears the stairs and turns. DD is standing behind him, she yips and gets to her feet. Walking a few steps towards the stairs leading upwards and sits. Staring at Kaz.

She wants him to follow her. Kaz hesitates, it would be weird to just follow a dog around, but DD was smarter than the average dog. And knowing her she was trying to lead him to Snake.

Kaz reluctantly follows the dog up the stairs, climbing with some difficulty to the very top of the main base comms tower. His leg was burning in pain, but he grit his teeth and leaned against the railing. Trying to ease the weight.

He sees him on the far end of the deck, feet hanging off the side. Arms folded over the lower railing, staring out into the sea. Kaz had never seen a sight so heart wrenching. He hated that the more he looked at this man, the more he saw Snake he saw the medic. He saw someone in need of help.

Kaz took a heavy step toward him, cane clicking on the metal. Something was resting next to him on the ground, but Kaz ignores it an stands on Snake's left side. Staring into the ocean and the stars.

"You needed me," 

Snake doesn't reply, he simply pats his hand on the ground next to him, signaling for Kaz to sit down.

"You're gonna have to help me up," Kaz grumbles, but sits with some difficulty. Swinging his leg out over the ledge and setting his cane down next to him.

The breeze is cold, nipping at his exposed face. He can feel slight warmth from Snake and fights the urge to slide into it. He was still mad.

"I'm sorry about Quiet," 

The words are so soft they're almost lost on the wind. Kaz doesn't reply, what can he say? He's not going to ever be ok with her being near him.

"She's no different from us, Kaz. A dog of war being used by Cipher."

He grits his teeth, adamant on not responding. He doesn't give a shit that she's being used. It makes her more dangerous.

"She deserves some kindness. A few days where she can enjoy what's left of her life,"

Kaz doesn't give a shit about her. He hopes she dies a shitty awful death.

"Kaz, look at me,"

He turns to look at Snake, the mans blue eye is boring into him. Bright despite the darkness around them. 

"I won't question your decision, Boss" Kaz replies evenly. 

That wasn't the reply Snake wanted, he looks away back into the sea. This wasn't going well, but that probably constituted as an apology in a way.

"Kaz...can you do something for me," 

"Anything." 

Kaz looks back to Snake as he picks up what was laying by his side. Kaz's stomach drops. Its his guitar. He shoved it in the corner of his room without a second glance months ago.

"Snake where did you get that?" 

He doesn't respond, only scoots closer until their thighs are pressed together. Kaz wants to pull away.

"Play it with me,"

Kaz feels a familiar spike of rage in his gut.

"Snake you know damn well I can't-"

"You can play the chords with your left hand. I can strum. I got some pointers."

Kaz falls silent. He looks at the guitar in Snake's hands. He was right, Kaz did know the cords. His left hand twitched at the thought. But he couldn't just....

"Can you...play it for me like you used to,"

Kaz hates the pain in his chest at Snake's voice. It was the voice of a man lost at sea, desperate for any land to stand on. How could Kaz say no?

"Fine." He growls and moves closer, letting their shoulders touch. He tugs his glove of with his teeth and tucks it in his pocket, then wraps his hand around the familiar neck of the instrument. His hands find a familiar chord and he waits. His right arm throbs, the motion of strumming feels so real, so close. 

Snake holds the guitar steady with his flesh hand, allowing his robotic hand the run along the chords. Its in tune, and the sound makes Kaz's chest hurt. 

Kaz allows Snake to strum a rhythm before he moves his fingers along the neck. Its not the best, the rhythm is uncertain and the chords are off. Its not quiet a tuneless sound, its a soft and shakey song. Two souls in the night, trying to connect with the only other language they share.

Kaz rests his head against Snake's shoulder, closing his eyes. The wind fades into the background, it feels like he and Bat are the only people on earth.

Kaz's eyes snap open. Snake. He was with Snake.

The medic was dead.

"Kaz, do you think we can play Love Deterrence,"

Kaz shakes his head, "No...it's difficult to play as one person,"

"I miss hearing you play it," Snake says softly, metallic fingers running over the strings. 

Kaz can't recall ever playing it for Boss once. He only played it to three people. Paz, Galvez, and Bat. He closes his eyes, pushing the thoughts away. Snake's flesh hand leaves the guitar and circles Kaz waist, his arm was warm against Kaz's back.

"Maybe one day," Is all he can bring himself to say.

Snake's hand begins to rub slow circles on his back. Kaz closes his eyes again. He can't hide from the truth forever.

He feels Snake set his guitar behind them,  then the cold brush of metal fingers on his face. Kaz looks up. He and Snake are almost nose to nose. Kaz leans in ever so slightly, pressing his forehead against the others, careful not to touch the horn.

He can feel Snake's soft exhales against his lips. He was going to find out the truth.

"Kiss me," 

Snake presses his scarred and chapped lips against Kaz's. Despite the tension the kiss is gentle albeit firm. Its familiar.

Kaz pulls away first.

"Come to my room," he whispers against Snake's lips, somehow keeping the fear out of his voice.

Snake nods, and pushes forward, placing another kiss on Kaz's lips. The mans tongue darts out, and gently runs along Kaz's bottom lip.

Kas opens his mouth and allows Snake to deepen the kiss, their teeth clacking together. 

He tastes like wormwood and citrus fruit. 

Snake pulls away and gets to his knees. Offering Kaz his shoulder. Kaz wraps on arm around the man and allows himself to be pulled up. Snake passes him his cane and picks up the guitar. Kaz tries to look happy as they slowly descend the stairs. He discreetly pulls his Idroid out and runs the scan.

98.5% Match.

Snake waves at a passing soldier as Kaz opens his door. Allowing them both to enter his small room. His hand is shaking, he can back out any time.

He shrugs off his heavy coat as Snake wraps his arms around Kaz from behind. His hands run up Kaz's chest as he presses soft kisses into the exposed part of Kaz's neck.

"You look nervous,"

The hands undo his tie and begin unbuttoning his vest. 

"It's....been a while," Kaz mumbles. Allowing Snake to pull the vest and dress shirt off him. Dropping them to the floor. He can't look at Snake.

"It's been nine years for me,"

Kaz lets out a small laugh and turns, cane still awkwardly in hand. It feels wrong to have his layers off like this, standing only in a tshirt. Snake is already undoing the numerous straps on his body to tug his shirt off. Kaz watches, eyes tracing the scars on his body. He was absolutely beautiful.

Snake rests his hands on Kaz's hips and leans in for another sweet and slow kiss. Kaz closes his eyes, leaning his weight onto the man. He's so afraid of what he's doing, but he can't stop. He has to know.

Snake's hands undo his belt buckle, and drag his hips forward. He can feel the other mans erection against his own. Kaz hadn't touched himself since getting back. He couldn't. It was...too wrong.

"Sit," Kaz orders firmly.

Snake pulls away and dutifully sits on the edge of the bed. Kaz straddles his lap and wraps his single arm around his shoulders as he grinds down onto Snake's dick.

The man lets out a quiet moan, and runs his tongue slowly up Kaz's neck, before trailing soft kisses down. His hands are resting at Kaz's hips, gripping with enough force to be noticeable, but allowing Kaz to take the lead.

Kaz nervously licks his lips, and he reaches behind his head to tug his shirt off.

"Kaz...keep it on,"

He lets out a slow breath and nods, that was just a coincidence.

Snake kisses him deep once more before pulling away, "Do you have lube?" He pauses, frown on his face, "if you want that,"

"Bottom drawer."

Snake nods, and Kaz gets out of his lap, shoving his pants off. He glares at his prosthetic leg and quickly takes it off, leaning it against the bed while Snake roots around in his drawers. He sits, where he is, uncomfortably exposed.

Snake turns back to Kaz, bottle of lube in hand and crawls toward him on the small bed. 

Kaz shivers as Snake lovingly runs his hands over his body. Snake avoids the stumps, focusing anywhere else.

"I missed you, Kaz," 

The longing in his voice is strong, the joy in those words make Kaz's heart throb.

"Happy to be with you, Venom," 

Snake's eyes light up in recognition and he slowly pushes Kaz back on the bed, maneuvering himself in between his legs and tugging Kaz's boxers off. 

Kaz looks away, closing his eyes. The feeling of Venom's fatigues against the back of his bare thighs is achingly familiar.

"Is this ok? I....they didn't..." The question is unsaid, but Kaz reads between the lines.

"No, they never raped me. Only touched me to hold me down when they were cutting my arm off," Kaz never really thought about it, or talked about it. He could forget it all if his arm wasn't always hurting.

"They made me eat it," Kaz says, staring blankly at his roof. Not the best thing to say during sex, but he felt...safe. Able to confess to something he swore to take to his grave.

Venom is silent above him, Kaz is staring past the man concerned face. He didn't want to see pity.

"I'm here now, Kaz. You won't be hurt like that again,"

Kaz feels tears pricks his eyes, and blinks them away.

"Thanks Boss. Now why don't you go ahead and fuck me,"

Venom plants soft, tender kisses down Kaz's chest. His warm hand running up the back of Kaz's thighs and gently palming his hardening dick. Kaz lets out a soft moan.

He hears the pop of a cap, but turns his head away, staring at the clock on the night flashing 1:00 and as Venom spreads Kaz's knees and presses a slick finger against his ass.

"Kaz,"

"Yeah?"

"Look at me,"

Kaz turns his head and stares up at the man through his sunglasses. His eyepatch was firmly in place, and his eye was that bright blue. Venom didn't look lost, he looked firmly, resolutely determined. He had found his island.

"Please....Venom," 

He pushes two finger in and Kaz moans. It had been a few years since he ever took it from another guy, and he wasn't one to experiment while jerking off. He closes his eyes beneath the sunglasses as Venom slowly pushes hus fingers in and out. Robotic hand running all over Kaz's body, attempting to relax the man.

Kaz gripes the sheets when Venom adds a third finger, stretching Kaz more. He whines softly and thrusts his hips up. He was desperate.

He hears a shuffle of fabric and cracks an eye open to watch Venom unbutton his pants with his free hand, tugging them down and freeing his dick.

Kaz looks away, only letting out soft moans and grinding onto Venom's fingers until he removes them. He hikes Kaz's legs further up on his shoulders and the pop of a cap again. Venom lets out a low moan as he lubes up his own dick. Kaz tenses in anticipation.

"Relax," Venom's rough voice is close as the man leans down, placing kisses against Kaz's neck as he firmly presses his cock against Kaz's ass.

Kaz does, he forces his body to relax as Venom slowly pushes inside him. 

Kaz lets out a long and loud moan. He forgot how good it felt to have a cock inside him. Venom lets out a low deep moan and buries his face into Kaz's neck. They lay unmoving for a minutes, until Kaz rolls his hips.

Venom sighs in pleasure and gently sucks Kaz's neck, pulling out so slow its almost painful. He thrusts back in, slow but firm and Kaz moans.

Venom begins his brutal pace, twi quick thrusts and one slow firm one. Every single movement was calculated. Every roll of the mans hips, the way his hands held Kaz's hips up. It was a man who knew exactly how to fuck a guy. It was unforgettable, one of a kind.

Kaz feels tears prick his eyes, crying out softly every time Venom fucked him in the just the right way. Kaz was panting, rolling his hips desperately, his arm wraps around Venom and he runs his nails down the mans back. Begging in desperation for more, he was already so close and Venom had just started.

He was tired of pretending. He knew exactly who was above him. Who was touching him so gently, who's dick was currently fucking him until he saw stars. The stranger who took over the Boss was no stranger at all.

Venom thrusts in, and Kaz can't hold it. He comes with a loud and shakey moan. Legs wrapping around Venom's hips as the man slowed his thrusts to a gentle rocking. Watching Kaz come all over his chest.

Kaz is breathing heavily, a little embarrassed to have cum so soon, even if he was justified.

"Don't stop," 

He can sense Venom's frown, "Kaz...are you sure you alrea-"

"I know," Kaz interrupts sharply, "keep going. Cum inside me just...."

He trails off, swallowing thickly. He didn't care that he already came, the he was over stimulated. That he was so tired. He just wanted to be useful to the medic. He wanted to feel the man inside him one last time. He didn't want to see Big Boss or Venom Snake he just wanted Bat. He was the one damn human on the planet who had loved him without wanting something. Snake was dead, and he had used him for nothing but sex and the talking end of business. Venom Snake was half of that, but the other half was the medic. Tried and true. And that half loved Kaz. Kaz could just focus on that, be could forget Big Boss and have what he lost nine years ago back at last.

"Use me," Is all he can say as tears begin to fall from his eyes.

Venom moves slowly, he begins thrusting again at Kaz's orders. He's uncertain now, Kaz can tell. He doesn't want to hurt him. Kaz rolls his hips, causing him to moan. Its not the same, but Kaz can pretend.

Venom's thrusts become erratic as Kaz continues to roll his hips, he's panting and moaning above Kaz. Until he thrusts in hard, it hurts a bit, but when he moans Kaz's name he can't help but moan Bat in return.

Venom stills above Kaz, he sits up and Kaz finally opens his eyes.

Venom looks hurt, he looks lost again. He brings his hands up to Kaz's face and slowly removes the sunglasses. 

Kaz realizes he's still crying and wipes his eyes. Venom pulls out and looks away, disgust on his face. Kaz panics, to Venom he just moaned another mans name in bed. 

"I...I'm sorry Kaz I...I should have stopped,"

 

Wait, what? Kaz realizes what Venom is implying and reaches out, forcefully pulling the man into a one armed hug.

"It's not that...I'm just so happy to be with you, Venom,"

There's a moment of silence, and Venom wraps his arms around Kaz, pulling their chests together despite the slightly dried jizz.

Kaz feels himself crying again. He was wrong. He hasn't lost one lover. He lost two.

Big Boss was dead, and the soldier they used to make a body double was Venom Bat.

They both died on that raft. Kaz was holding a physical phantom in his arm. The ghost of two men.

Kaz squeezed tighter, burying his face in Venom's shoulder. The weight of his loss was finally resting on his shoulders.

He well and truly lost every shred of hope, except this man. He was different, yes. But Kaz had loved both parts of him, and he was going to love him now.

Because if he had lost everything that night, this man had nothing. Only fake memories in the wrong body. Kaz couldn't fix him, but he was going to love him. 

He was done hiding from the truth that was right in front of him. He would play along and keep this man safe. All they had left was each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rumor come out, does venom snake is msf medic?


	12. You're faultoning him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have jo excuse for how long took other than the fact that mgsv has a plot line that sucks fucking Ass

The hardest part of accepting that Venom Snake was the medic was seeing the shadow of that man in every movement. Kaz couldn't help but pick apart Venom's every single action. Finding what was Boss and what was medic. It was impossible to ignore, impossible to see him as a singular man instead of two halves.

They had been keeping their distance since that night. Only light touches infront of others, nothing too noticeable. Whenever they were truly alone, however, Venom would pull Kaz close and press soft desperate kisses to his lips and face then....hold him. Kaz could never bring himself to pull away in those moments. He just leaned in close and pretended to be nine years in the past with the Medic.

It wasn't fair to Venom. It wasn't fair to Medic's memory. But who was he hurting but himself?

"I need to attended to a drill, think you can handle Boss alone for a bit?"

Kaz looked up from the report he wasn't really reading and nodded. They don't usually need to watch Venom do his side operations, but Africa was still new territory. They nailed down the location a few weeks ago and began accepting job offers in the Zaire border region. Such as destroying the oil refinery, pick up prisoners, and most concerning of all, take out walker gears. Venom still needed more guidance in new territory than I'm Afghanistan.

They seemed to be digging up more questions in Africa than answers. The bodies in the oil field still hadn't left his mind, they had to be connected to whatever Cipher was doing here. Not to mention the influx of walker gears in this area, it was all rotten.

Thankfully the prisoner they rescued gave them information on a caravan that would be passing through. There was a chance that would give them more answers. Snake was burning a few days doing side ops before the arrival date to ensure there would be no delay, meaning he had been away from base longer than usual.

"Hey Venom, can you talk?" Kaz asks, looking at the screen. Venom was riding D horse along the plains, a soft rain was falling.

"Yeah," 

Finding out what Venom remembered was a tricky game. Kaz wasn't willing to push whatever delicate balance the man had found in his psyche. He was willing to poke at it, with similar turn a phrases and questions. It was a dangerous game, but confronting Ocelot was out of the question, and there was no one else he could get answers from. 

"Would you rather fight one Metal Gear sized duck, or one hundred duck sized Metal Gears?"

Venom is silent on the other end. The soft sound of rain was clear through the speakers. Kaz knows whats coming next.

"Do the metal gear sized ducks have duck sized nukes?"

Kaz blinks, that was unexpected, "Of course they do,"

There's another long pause before Venom responds.

"One hundred metal gear sized ducks," Its resolute, leaving no room for debate.

"Figured you'd say that,"

An answer that was a perfect mix of Medic and Boss. Kaz shouldn't have expected anything less. 

He missed having dumb conversations with Snake on the field, they could discuss Chave for hours while he travelled. But Venom was always dead silent on missions, only speaking when absolutely necessary.

Was that how Medic had been? Kaz never worked support for the man, he only called him a few times while he was away. For short joke conversations and shitty pick up lines. And the one mission they did go on together had been about stealth, no use for talking.

Kaz needed to stop this thinking. Venom wasn't either of those men now. He was his own man, no matter how much he was forced to play Big Boss. Kaz looked at the clock, the caravan would be arriving in less than a day. 

"You should get some rest at the check point soon. Grand theft auto is easier with a good few hours of sleep," 

Venom lets out a contemplative grunt, and opens his Idroid. Kaz's own Idroid rings, a chopper request. He could have just said something.

"I didn't mean right now, aren't you doing something?" Kaz chides playfully as he forwards the request to Pequad.

"It's just a skilled soldier. He'll be there when I'm done," Venom slides off D horse and walks towards a nearby tree, taking a seat to watch the gentle rains fall against the rolling fields. 

Kaz would give anything to be there with him. Enjoy the feel of rain on his skin and the fresh air. To be able to support Venom on a real physical way, instead of being a crippled voice on the radio.

"Hey Venom have yo-"

"Why are you calling me that."

His voice cuts through, stopping Kaz in his tracks. His tone wasn't angry, but it was firm and demanding. Kaz licks his lips, he doesn't want to lie to him. Better doge the question.

"You don't like it? Should I go back to calling you Naked Snake?"

Venom scoffs, and presumably shakes his head.

"No it's not that," He pauses for a moment, "It's just strange. That name feels familiar to me. More than Boss or Snake do now,"

It hurts to hear him say that, it only proved that medic was still there. Deep in his fake memories just below the surface.

"I can keep calling you it, if you want," Kaz offers quietly.

"Thanks,"

They sit in comfortable silence until the whirr of Pequads chopper sounds over the rain.

 

Six hours later Venom is galloping away from the small tent that held the trucks route. The intel team was working on fine tuning the information and adjusting the route. If Venom hurried he could make it to Nova Braga airport before the truck left and either tail it to a safe spot or faulton it there. A surprisingly simple mission.

Venom is taking a wide circle around the airport, approaching from the northern end. He takes out his binoculars and fines a convenient gap in the barbwire fence near a box. He jumps off D horse and runs toward it, easily infiltrating the airport.

"This feels too easy," Ocelot remarks, he had been obnoxiously pacing the room for the past few minutes. His spurs clinked loudly with every step, and Kaz was seriously considering physically destroying every pair that man had.

"Yeah, this caravan shouldn't have such a glaring weak spot," 

 

They watch Venom slowly approach the van, pulling out his binoculars to get a better look from his perch.

"That's the target," Kaz says, then squints, "is that zero risk security? The cargo must be important if they have three different PF groups guarding it," 

Venom slowly begins to approach the guard, readying to grab him when a black mist starts to form. Four human figures form from tje corporeal darkness, their eyes lighting up.

"The Skulls? Are they guarding the truck too?" Kaz says, leaning in. He feels Ocelot by his side, looking close.

"Be careful Boss!"

The soldier Venom was about to grab suddenly turns and lunges at him, his eyes glowing as a mist rises from him. Snake lets out a startled grunt and violently slams his fist into the side of the mans face, shoving the zombified soldier away and stumbling back.

"Venom look out!" Kaz yells out, a second too late.

A skull jumps at Venom, bringing its machete down. He watches Venom jump forward slightly and bring his hand up, avoiding the glowing blade and taking the force of the blow with his forearm. Kaz hears a sickening crack and Venom grunts in pain, pushing the Skull away. He backs up, dashing around tje side of the building he had been hiding in to catch his breath.

"Venom that's a serious injury," Kaz says, eys flicking the the screen showing Venom's vitals. 

Snake grunts, and pops his elbow back into place. Ocelot and Kaz wince at the sound. 

"He didn't bring any rocket launchers did he," Kaz growls, fear mounting in his gut. Venom was dressed for speed and stealth in his sneaking suit, only equipped with the bare minimum, no way he could fight the Skulls like this.

Venom peeks out the side of the building and dashes back towards the truck. He dodges a Skull and attaches a faulton to it with lightning speed. Immediately he turns and draws his assault rifle, blasting into an approaching Skull.

Kaz's Idroid beeps, faulton extraction successful.

"Get out of there boss!" Ocelot says firmly into the comm, just as worried as Kaz felt.

Something wasn't right however. Venom had be spraying the Skull with bullets. He had even tossed a few grenades at them while waiting for the truck to extract, yet they barely looked hurt. The Skulls were no joke, but before at the fort Venom had taken them out with just a shotgun and CQC. Now he could barely evade their attack in time.

"Are they....getting stronger?" Ocelot mutters, voicing Kaz's thoughts in a bad accent.

Venom ducks behind a building to reload. Just as he cocks the gun back, preparing to leap out just as a Skull appears in front of him, and shoves its glowing blade into Venom's stomach.

The mans cry of pain cuts through the air, and Kaz feels a cold fear in his bones.

Venom could die here. He was going to be killed.

"Boss, get out! Run!" Kaz yells, leather glove creaking as he clenches his fist.

Venom pushes the Skull away, machete and all, then turns away. His vital screen is lighting up red, fatal injury flashing on the screen.

Venom's breathing is heavy and pained as he runs, bullets from the Skulls clinking near his feet. He might be able to make it out of the rear entrance and escape the hot zone without loosing too much blood thanks to his suit.

Venom stops in his tracks, turns on heel, and begins running towards a red material container.

"Venom what are you doing? Now isn't the time for that!" Kaz yells angrily. Had he lost too much blood? Had he hit his horn?

Kaz watches in horror as Venom climbs onto the container, bullets whizzing past him as he attaches a faulton.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Kaz growls, why wasn't Venom running? 

Venom pulls a cord from his pack and knots it around the faultons wires as the balloons begin to inflate. Kaz frowns, confusion overtaking fear. Venom attaches the rope to his belt, then grabs the cords in an iron grip. The container and Venom lift into the air, rising to the waiting faulton extraction plane.

Ocelot let's out a small weak laugh as Kaz's Idroid beeps. Extraction Successful.

"Well, that's one way of doin' things," 

Kaz can't help but chuckle at that, "Mission complete, amazing work Boss," Kaz can hear the pride in his voice, that was his Venom.

Now to see what the fuss around this truck was all about.


	13. For Our Peace

The contents of the truck were disturbing to say the least. Yellow cake, the basics for nuclear weapons creation. But everything is off. There are too many things that don’t add up. For instance the amount of yellowcake, and malachite in the truck aren't nearly enough to make any nuclear arms. All that work and they still had learned almost nothing.

Kaz doesn't like visiting the medical platform. It’s where they keep Quiet, and the environment always reminds him of Medic. But still, he’s here. For Venom’s sake.

Thanks, Bull," Kaz says as he climbs out of the jeep. 

As impressive as Venom is, he can’t walk off a stab wound as easily as a bullet hitting kevlar. It had been three days since he pulled that fulton stunt and was rushed to the ICU on base. He and Ocelot had already caught him up on the contents of the truck, but Kaz makes sure to visit as often as he could.

Venom, so it seems, goes stir crazy. Kaz has had heard multiple arguments between Venom and Ivory Skull over how healthy he is and his ability to walk.

"Commander Miller!"

Speak of the devil. 

Kaz turns to face Ivory Skull with an exasperated sigh and prepares for the news on Venom’s latest stunt. "What did he do this time?" he says, sounding more angry than intended.

"He took out his stitches out again." She sounds just as annoyed with Boss as Kaz is. "He insists on doing it himself. Do you think you could ask him to, I dunno, chill?"

Kaz sighs and nods. "I'll see what I can do."

He turns away, and limps up toward the room reserved for Venom.

"Oh, and one more thing. He's been listening to True on repeat for six hours. I'm sure it's not healthy."

Kaz laughs. "Yeah he does that."

Ivory rolls her eyes and gives a salute before walking off to do more doctor stuff. 

Kaz adjusts the files under his stump and continues on his way. Venom got up to as much trouble as Boss when injured. Kaz is certain that as soon as Venom was cleared to walk, he would be climbing railings and punching soldiers out left and right. Although the staff managed to keep Venom confined to his bed longer than they could ever keep Boss in one room.

Kaz huffs and adjusts his cane, then pulls the door open, only to be greeted by the sight of Quiet’s ass. She’s leaning over Venom and shaking her tits in his face. Kaz isn’t too proud to admit he’s a bit jealous, but seeing Venom’s positively constipated expression in response eases his mood. Medic had been a gold star gay and that had evidently carried over despite everything he had been through. Quiet has a snowball's chance in hell at getting into his pants.

Kaz pauses in the doorway and coughs pointedly. Venom's eyes dart over and a look of relief washes over his face.

Quiet, though, pretends as if she hadn’t heard anything. No, of course she’s not going to stop just because he walked in. It’s a show dominance, and Kaz won’t let it go unchallenged, so he turns to leave.

"Wait!"

Kaz holds back a small smile, and turns to look at Venom. He gently places his hands on Quiet's shoulders to push her away and jerks his head towards the door.

Quiet stands and silently walks out. She stares at Kaz, face steely and impassive as she passes him, swinging her hips for Venom as she walks, and then vanishes into a cloud of smoke. Presumably back to her cage like a good prisoner.

"She...we weren't doing anything," Venom says quietly as Kaz closes the door.

Kaz pushes the plastic chair closer the the bed before taking a seat. He leans his crutch on the bed and sets the file on his lap.

"I know Boss. We have to watch her in the chopper too."

Having to sit in a small room with Ocelot and watch Quiet mechanically shake her ass at Venom is at the top of his "Worst Moments In Ocelot's Presence" list.

Venom sighs and shakes his head, pushing himself into a sitting position. The light blue hospital scrubs look strange on him.

"I don't know why she does that. Makes me worry she's trying to...repay me for saving her by..." Venom looks intensely uncomfortable and trails off. Snake had always been bad with women, but this was something else. It was endearing.

"I'm sure if you tell her no, she'll stop eventually," Kaz replies, surprisingly calm even to himself. Normally he’d be seething with rage. Snake was the type man that would sleep with a woman when not on a mission just because they asked. Medic, however, was very much not into women.

Venom nods, and reaches over to the tape player sitting on the tray and hits rewind, restarting True. 

Kaz digs through the files in his lap and passes Venom a stack of paper. "I have some mission reports for you and a couple contracts I think look promising. Silver tells me you're bored,"

Venom begins looking through the papers, face impassive. "I am, but if I knew you were going to bring the desk job here I'd have kept my mouth shut."

Kaz snorts. Of all the people on base, he's the only one actually willing to do the boring administrative work necessary to keep the place running. "Where would you be without me?"

"At the bottom of the ocean."

Kaz rolls his eyes and starts filling out papers, letting a comfortable silence fall over them. There’s only the sound of their breathing and a faint panting.

DD? He frowns, glancing around the room. It’s seemingly empty, but Kaz can hear her breathing..

"Something wrong?" Venom asks innocently.

"Where is she? You know animals aren't allowed in here."

Venom tilts his head and looks around the room. "Don't know what you're talking about."

Oh, he was playing this game. Kaz squints at him, and lets out two sharp whistles in quick succession.

DD yips excitedly and wiggles out from under the bed, tail wagging, and sits in front of Kaz expectantly. Venom's face manages to remain passive.

"Huh, wonder how she got in."

Kaz pulls two treats from his pocket, passing them over to the excited dog. She wolfs them down, then jumps on the hospital bed, laying on Venom's feet.

"You could at least try a little harder at lying," Kaz sighs. He leans over to pat DD's head. "When you get scolded by Ivory don't come whining to me."

Kaz pauses, eyes trailing to Venom's stomach, "She said you were doing your own stitches again."

Venom grunts and looks at the papers. "Wolf doesn't do it right. He does a horizontal mattress suture. And they’re always too tight. He should be doing a running subcuticular suture, lasts longer. Rookie mistake."

Kaz can't help but smile. Venom is one hell of a critic. "Have you let Ivory know yet?"

"Yeah, she said she would work with him."

Kaz nods and makies a note to look into the training regime for medical staff. Natural talent needs to be sharpened by skill to be useful. Especially something as delicate as medical work.

"Have you visited Paz recently? I think I've been making progress with her after getting some photos from the old staff I picked up."

A cold chill of dread runs up Kaz's spine, and his head snaps to Venom, searching for anything in the man's expression that hinted at a cruel joke.

He saw nothing but cold hard seriousness.

"P-Paz? I'm..," Kaz clears his throat, trying to hide away the shake and stutter. "I'm afraid I haven't...how's she doing?"

Paz is dead. Her body was completely obliterated by the second bomb. Any scrap of her had become fish food a long time ago.

"She's been talking a bit more, but her stitches...they look the same as they did in the chopper." Venom leans back against the wall and sighs. "I can't seem to figure out what to say to her either."

Kaz nods. This isn't a joke. Venom is being serious. He thinks Paz is alive and on base. Kaz wracks his brain, trying to figure out where Venom had seen her on the medical platform. All he could think of were rumors that Venom had been loitering near the rooms still under construction on the second floor.

"I'll pay her a visit soon. She's on the second floor right?" Kaz replies slowly, testing the edges of Venom's delicate cobweb of memories.

"Yeah, the one with the guard."

Kaz nods, making a note to stop by. He stares at the papers, mind racing. The only two people who had survived that crash were in this room. Kaz did everything in his power to contact and recover any of survivors, but when he was airlifted out of the ocean, Cipher’s choppers had shot down every single drifter they could find. They had gotten lucky.

What does Venom remember from the crash? Kaz gave his statement, but he didn't know what had happened to Paz en route to Mother Base. Before he had woken her by calling her a bitch...the last thing he ever said to her. Did they take those memories away? Or did they put in new ones?

"Venom...what do you remember from the crash?"

There's a long silence. Kaz looks up to see Venom staring at DD, brow furrowed and deep in thought.

"We recovered the black box from the chopper and we were able to discern some of what happened but," Kaz offers a supportive smile, "better to hear from the one there for it all, y'know?"

Venom closes his eye. "When I got Paz on the chopper, we noticed the cuts on her abdomen. There obviously something in her gut."

Kaz nods. The story is consistent so far.

"There wasn't any time for anesthetics. We had to operate immediately. The first bomb was tossed in the ocean. But then Boss told me to check her again."

Kaz feels his breath catch in his throat, unable to speak.

"When I felt her stomach, there was a bulge in her abdomen. Skull Face...he had a bomb inserted into her vagina." Venom opens his eye and stares into his lap. His hands are trembling.

"But I got out, Kaz. I removed it. I saved her. But she was scared .She didn't realize and jumped out of the helicopter before I could grab her."

Venom lets out a shuddering breath, pressing the palm of his hand against his forehead, wincing in pain.

"The XOF chopper shot at us and I dove in front of Boss. I..." Venom trails off, hand slowly lowering, "I..I dove....in front...."

His breathing quickens and his eye darts wildly around the room. Hallucinating.

DD immediately jumps to her feet and into Venom’s lap, forcing herself under his arm.

Kaz feels a stab in his chest, equal parts fear and guilt, and quickly stands up, tipping his chair with a clatter. He had pushed too far. He was hurting him. Just so he could sate his sick curiosity.

He slowly leans forward and tentatively puts a hand on Venom's cheek. "Venom? Are you ok?"

There's no response, only the click of his robotic hand clenching.

Kaz licks his lips. This had been weighing on his mind since the night they had sex. "Bat?" he says, voice barely above a whisper.

 

Venom's eye snaps to Kaz, his distant gaze focusing on him, and not whatever ghosts he was seeing. 

"It's ok. You don't have to remember," Kaz whispers. "Thank you for telling me."

Venom nods and closes his eye, leaning into Kaz's hand, breathing slow and even.

Kaz looks at him. After losing so many memories he was forced to create his own. To give himself something to hold on to. Even after all this, he still responds to his old name without hesitation, still feels the same guilt.

He leans forward, and presses a chaste kiss to Venom's lips.

"I have to get going. Leave your stitches in this time, ok?"

Venom nods and looks down at the papers as Kaz scoops them up and sets them aside. "Just focus on getting better. Work can wait."

Venom laughs weakly. "You're one to talk."

He smiles at him and collects his papers and cane, then gets to his feet. "No working. XO's orders."

He shuffles out of the room, and immediately bee lines to the stairs, scaling them at record speed. Howling Turkey salutes as Kaz passes. He limps past the sign blocking the hallway to the door. He slams the button down and limps through the doorway.

He's standing on the wire scaffolding. The cool wind blows past him as he looks around. Next to the door is a peace sign. Drawn in dried blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: you don't have to read p1 to get this part!  
> Me, 12 chapters later: i changed my mind fuck you


	14. Happy to be with you, Boss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im gonna start busting out missions real quick like so expect a few meeh chapters

As much as Kaz doesn’t want to talk to Ocelot, he has to tell him about Boss. Kaz trusts him about as far as he could throw him when he was up two limbs, which is more than anyone would think, but still less than Ocelot would hope. He had been told to put unquestioning faith in Ocelot as his contact with Snake, and while he wouldn't call his trust unquestioning, he had put a lot of faith in the cat bastard for nine years. More than these puppet masters deserved. Hopefully that faith will pay off, and Ocelot might let something slip regarding Venom, or at the very least not call him crazy.

It's hard for him to visit any platform as it is. But surprise check ins from time to time were good for morale. Kept the soldiers on their toes.

Thankfully Ocelot was talking some new recruits through shooting practice, so Kaz didn't have to hunt him down. He limps over to the man and watches the soldiers practice. Looks like today is assault rifle day instead of handguns. Seeing Ocelot with an automatic is a very strange sight indeed.  Waiting for a good place to interrupt, Kaz watches Ocelot instruct the recruits sternly and silently from afar, his presence clearly making some of the recruits anxious. It’s been a while since he’s drilled soldiers himself, and none of these fresh recruits would have ever seen him conduct drills or been subject to them firsthand, but word gets around fast. He smiles inwardly.

"What brings you here today?" Ocelot drawls, slowly spinning the rifle like it's a High School Color Guard practice and not a drill for soldiers in a militia.

"It's about Boss. Yesterday, he told me something you should probably hear. Alone."

Ocelot nods and gives a once over at the soldiers present, then motions for Eye to take over the drills. Kaz follows him as he makes his way to his office. 

Ocelot's office is in the first floor, and as usual, it’s crowded with various reports . Every surface is covered with intel, everything from political uprisings to the weather. There’s only one chair on the other side of Ocelot’s crowded desk, but it’s covered in papers. Kaz eyes it pointedly, be he doesn’t have to say anything before Ocelot moves the stack of papers and sets it haphazardly on another large stack before taking a seat. Kaz takes a spot on the freshly cleared chair and sighs.

As much as Kaz dislikes him, he respects the fact that Ocelot is mindful of his injuries. He’d always always made sure to open doors for him or hand him things on his the left side. And not in a pitying way like everybody else. Kaz would never say it, but he appreciates it.

"How's Boss doin'? He givin' the staff a hard time again?" Ocelot asks, leaning back in his chair, ill at ease.

"Isn't he always? No it's....something else." Kaz pauses, rubbing his chin in thought. Ocelot  _ is  _ aware of Paz; he had been briefed on what happened in the helicopter and the few months leading up to it. But as far as Kaz knows, Ocelot thinks Venom is the real Big Boss, or is in on the conspiracy regarding the real Boss's death.

"You know Paz, right?"

Ocelot raises an eyebrow and nods slowly, eyeing Kaz warily.

"V- Boss told me he's been...visiting her." Kaz pauses, cursing himself for the slip up. "He has this whole story on how they got the second bomb out and we found her after the crash. He says she has amnesia and thinks shes just a school girl."

Ocelot had sat up during Kaz's explanation, a deep frown on his face.

"He says shes on the second floor on the medical platform. Near the unfinished ER."

"The balcony?"

"Yeah."

Ocelot lets out a sigh, running a hand through his hair in an uncharacteristic display of unease. "Well...that ain't good,"

Kaz lets out a small laugh. "Not good is an understatement."

A silence falls between the two as they mull over the situation. Kaz may have a minor is psychology, but Ocelot is better at getting results.

"Any idea why he's having these delusions?" Ocelot asks, standing up to pace the room. Kaz watches him from his chair.

"A few. Mostly likely grief over the situation.” That’s an outright lie. The real Boss wouldn't feel this bad about Paz. She was a traitor with a crush, and he never cared much for people infatuated with him unless they could hide it.

“He hasn't had time to mourn the loss of MSF,” Kaz continues. “It's all still recent to him. Not to mention the stress his hallucinations have on his mind on and off the field. It's probably just a way he can project his pain and cope. By creating a phantom."

Ocelot's spurs jingle softly as he stops near the door, and another sigh escapes his lips. "We might be better off not telling him about Paz."

Ocelot raises a hand before Kaz can open his mouth. "I know, it's cruel. But Boss is very...touchy about his hallucinations. He doesn't want to talk about them, as you've noticed."

Kaz nods. He remembers the day before their interrogation with Emmerich in his office. The way he always talked about scrubbing blood off after missions. Venom was deathly afraid of what his mind had created, and how it would hurt others.

"It might be easier for him to figure out himself, instead of havin’ us tell him."

"So you want me to pretend I never heard it?"

Ocelot fixes Kaz with a hard stare and nods. Unfortunately, Kaz can't argue with the logic. As long as Venom kept a level head on missions, his hallucinations weren't a problem for now.

"Consider it done," Kaz finally says, and pushes himself to his feet, making his way to the door.

"Thank you, Miller. For telling me."

Kaz nods. "Boss should be ready to go on more missions in a week. That client who contacted us about taking out his defectors looks promising."

He can hear Ocelot let out a hum of acknowledgment as he begins to rustle through papers. His hand rests on the button, not quiet opening the door.

"It's strange...I never would have thought Boss would feel so guilty over Paz," He says carefully, keeping his eyes forward as the sound of Ocelot moving stops. "It's not like he was the one removing the bomb."

There's a long beat of silence, and Kaz smiles softly. Ocelot always gave more away in his silences than with his words.

"Maybe you don't know him as well as you thought you did," Ocelot replies, voice a cool collected drawl. But Kaz already got what he needed.

"Maybe so."

Kaz pushes the button and limps out onto the deck, warm breeze ruffling his empty sleeve. Ocelot was, on some level, aware that Venom was not Big Boss. That pause was no accident; Ocelot was remembering something.

Two contradictory ideas. Venom Snake is not the real Big Boss, Venom Snake  _ is  _ Big Boss. Both held at the same time, and knowledge of each remembered and forgotten at will. So fully forgotten was one fact that the act of forgetting is itself forgotten. One hell of a ruse, that's for damn sure. Whoever needed Boss's legend wanted to be certain there were no leaks. News that the “real” Big Boss was dead would demoralize the troops, and Diamond Dogs would fall to pieces. No matter how charismatic Venom was, he couldn't keep the soldiers here if they knew the truth.

 

The best way to keep a secret, was to keep it from yourself. Ocelot knew that better than anyone.

It’s getting late, and Kaz is starting to like the idea of an early night, catch up on some lost sleep. He’s halfway to his room when his codec rings.

"What?"

"Uh, it's about Boss...He's...gone missing?"

Kaz sighs. Typical.

"Look for him. He's probably hiding away to smoke somewhere. If not. he'll be back soon. No need to cause a panic," he says, opening his door and shuffling inside. He’s eager for a shower and good nights rest.

"Kaz."

He lets out a weary sigh. Of course he’d be here. Venom is lounging on his bed, wearing just hospital scrubs and a pair of boots on. His guitar in hand.

"You get lost on the way to the bathroom, Boss?"

Boss gently strums the guitar, playing a familiar tune. "No, wanted to take a walk."

Kaz rolls his eyes and takes his jacket off, hanging it on the back of his chair before stripping off his gun holster.

"Ivory's going to start graying at this rate," he jokes, undoing his tie and unbuttoning his vest. 

Venom continues to strum the guitar. It's a shaky rhythm guitar version of True. Seems even a savant like Venom has trouble mastering the F chord.

Kaz digs a pair of sweats out of his clothing chest and makes his way to the bathroom.

"You want company?" Venom says, a playful smile on his face.

Normally, Kaz would agree in a heartbeat. He's not one to miss out on rubbing soap on Venom's tits, but... "Sorry Boss, I don't have any gauze for your stitches."

Venom makes a sad, almost puppy like face. 

Kaz gives him an apologetic shrug and continues to the bathroom. 

With only half his limbs, everything's a damn ordeal now, but he's managed to get his showering routine back down to under five minutes, barely longer than what it used to be. He strips down, takes a seat on the shower stool to unstrap his leg, then leans it against the external shower wall before turning on the water. Something about having to sit and shower made him feel pathetic.

As he scrubs down, the comforting rhythms of Venom's playing drifts in from the other room. He feels at ease with him around--more comfortable with himself than he's been in weeks.

When he's done, he shuts off the water and towels off in his seat. He doesn't bother with his leg before getting dressed, pulling his under shirt on with some difficulty, and his sweats on with less. 

Cane in hand, he hops out of the bathroom and flops onto the bed, dropping his cane on the floor with a clack.

Kaz waits for Venom to set the guitar down before inserting himself into Venom's arms, directly into little spoon position. "You stayin’ long?" he mumbles.

"As long as you'll have me," Venom replies, wrapping his arms around Kaz to pull him closer. His beard tickles the back of Kaz's neck.

"I'm always happy to be with you," Kaz says softly, already drifting away. The sound of Venom's soft breaths mixes with the distant sound of waves crashing against steel struts.

"You should grow your hair out,” Venom says. “It would look good on you." His voice is distant through the haze of sleep, and Kaz feels him mumble something else, but he's too far gone to hear it.


	15. Heaven or Hell

After their night together was rudely interrupted by Ocelot walking in, then quickly walking out, After getting Venom back to the medical bay, the doctors reduced his painkillers to discourage future escape attempts. He had, for the most part, remained confined to his hospital room after that, largely miserable. There were no more long nights cuddling for the following weeks either. Venom, thankfully, smade a full recovery.

Then, like a machine, he went right back out onto the field to do wetwork. As excited as Venom was to get back to it, Kaz couldn't help but feel like it was still too soon, when the scar tissue was still so tender.

"That's Bampeve Plantation. The target is mixed in with the soldiers there. Use the VI to identify them," Kaz says, trying to not sound as bored as he feels.

After putting Ocelot on the spot several weeks ago, he had gotten more cautious, a little less chatty. Which meant Kaz was onto something. But that also meant the long hours in mission control were more boring than usual.

Kaz spins his chair and leans on the table, tapping his fingers on the desk. Ocelot is silent, scratching away at a document for one of his side organizations. Whenever Boss was on base, Ocelot would fly out to do god knows what with some Russian agency before returning. How that man was only gray and not completely bald from stress was some sort of damn medical miracle.

Ocelot glances up when the screen view of Venom's binoculars turns on, looking at the small headshot of the target taped up next to it.

"Boss is going to extract him," Ocelot says cryptically.

Before Kaz can even reply, Venom had already jumped down from the building he was on, rolled across the street, and knocked the target out. He straps a fulton to him.

"Extracting the target? Our contract was to kill them," Kaz says with an annoyed sigh. "But I'll go with your decision."

Thankfully, he didn't have time to reply to Ocelot. "One day we're gonna get in trouble for extracting our targets instead of killing them," Kaz says to Ocelot.

"You think he's going to actually kill the other five?"

Kaz just lets out a huff. Ocelot is right; Venom is going to extract every single one of those soldiers. He's hell bent on filling Mother Base to capacity with any soldier that could hold a gun. Just like Snake all those years ago.

Kaz leans back in his seat and watches Venom traipse through the fields towards the mine where the soldiers were apparently locked up.

In no time at all he's at the gate to the mine, carefully picking the lock. He slowly makes his way through the cave, and then suddenly stops when he sees the cage. Kaz can feel a palpable silence descend on them.

The rebels were children. They had been paid to kill children. One of the kids moves forward, sticking his hand through the bars and opens his palm. Venom slowly lowers his gun as he approaches, and picks up a single, shining diamond from the child's hand. He places the diamond back in the palm of his hand. The other children's hands shoot through the bars, palms opening to reveal shining diamonds.

"Their lives for a fistful of diamonds, huh? And what happens after that?" Kaz muses quietly, dread growing in his heart as the children cower. "They can't go home. They have two options."

Venom checks the magazine, counting the ammo.

"Heaven or Hell," Kaz says as Venom reloads the gun, pointing at the children.

"No." Venom's voice is steely, almost emotionless. "There's another."

Ocelot reaches over and presses the audio record button, nodding at Kaz.

"Tape’s rolling, Boss..." Kaz says, holding back his emotions to a cold professionalism. It's Venom's choice.

Venom raises his gun, and fires into the cage. The children scream, then whimper, then fall silent. Ocelot stops the tape.

"How about it, Kaz? Looks like our client got outbid."

Kaz holds back a sigh of relief. 

"We got the recording. Objective accomplished," Kaz says, popping the tape out of the drive. He writes “mission objective” on it in neat script. .

Venom puts his gun away and picks the lock. "Lets go," he says quietly, opening the cage.The children look around nervously before running out.

"We’ll bring them back to Mother Base," Kaz says, already preparing orders to have a section of the base cleared out for the children.

"I'm setting the RV at a high point down river," Kaz says as Ocelot sends the information to Venom. "And listen, the kids don't get hurt. No matter what, you bring them back alive," Kaz orders.

He has no doubts Venom will risk life and limb for those kids, but Boss was never as kind, and the extent of his influence on Venom…well, it's still unknown. .

Venom returns to the cage and gently lifts the kid with the hurt foot, gesturing for the others to go on ahead, and follows them closely.

Kaz glances at Ocelot.He had stopped writing and was now watching the screen intently, worry evident on his face. Ocelot never struck him as a kid person, but maybe he was wrong.

Kaz doesn't like kids much. He saw too much of himself in them. But there’s no way in hell he’d let these children die on his whims, or anyone else's whims. They’re going to get a life outside of war.

As annoying as it is, Quiet takes out most of the guards posted down the river, so Venom can lead the children to the RV with almost no trouble. She even helps him put the kids in the chopper with a odd look on her face.

Kaz and Ocelot let out simultaneous sighs of relief. Another mission completed at the very least. 

Kaz gets to his feet. "I'll make sure their quarters are prepared."

Ocelot nods, already working on sending their client proof of a job well done. And hopefully to blacklist the fucker that thinks Diamond Dogs gets a kick out of killing kids.

Six hours later, Pequod sets down on the medical platform, where Kaz and a few soldiers wait. The base had been abuzz with the news of children arriving, and Several soldiers on duty had conveniently extended the range of their patrols or abandoned post entirely to watch.

Venom jumps out of the chopper, gesturing for the nervous kids to follow. Kaz walks up as the kids look around, nervous and scared. One in a yellow hat turns and backup to look at the helicopter, only to crash into Kaz and send them both tumbling.

Kaz grunts as the full weight of the kid lands on top of him. It's easy to forget how off balance he is until the boney kid knocks him on his ass. The boy scrambles off, and Barracuda helps Kaz up. He looks at Kaz with a mixture of curiosity and dismay, and Kaz just scowls at him.

"What'cha thinkin', Boss?" Kaz says, focusing on Venom.

"I'm thinkin' he's tougher than he looks," he says, stepping forward. "A little training and he'll make himself useful."

Kaz holds back a grimace. Is Venom serious? Arming children like they're adults? He saw what happened with Chico; he was there in that helicopter. Kaz had let Snake make that call, but he won’t let Venom make the same mistake.

"Never liked kids," he says casually, stepping closer. These kids aren’t going to be able to stay calm under pressure. They can’t fight like men.  _ Shouldn’t  _ fight like men. "Especially ones with guns..."

Kaz lifts his cane, and none too gently whacks the kid in front of him. Not something he's proud to do, but he was making a point. Had to break a few eggs.

The kid yanks the gun from Venom's loss grip and points it at Kaz. His form is atrocious, grip weak and no trigger discipline.

"See? Kids a natural."

Kaz glances at Venom for a moment, wondering who's ghost was speaking before looking back to the child. A child holding a gun isn’t natural. It’s manipulation, desperation, violence that put that gun in his hands.

"No...he's no natural," Kaz growls, bracing himself on his legs. He snatches the gun from the child's grip with ease, tucks the stock under his stump, and quickly removes the magazine, tossing it aside before ejecting the first bullet by hand.

"Far from it," he scoffs, holding the empty gun out for Venom to take. It's no godlike feat to disarm a child, but the fact he was able to do it doesn't stop the small glow of joy in his heart.

The kids are escorted away to the medical bay to get cleaned up. 

Kaz looks to Venom, who looks tired as usual. "You probably noticed on the way, we expanded housing. They'll have their own quarters. Separate from ours. Won't be counted as staff."

Venom smirks slightly at the harsher tone in Kaz's voice. "So, what, we running a daycare now?" he says jokingly.

Kaz ignores Venom's flippancy."They'll learn how to read and write. Do basic jobs." 

The smile slips from Venom's face and is replaced by a faraway melancholy. "A chance at a real life...just not from behind a gun."

There's a sadness in that simple statement. It reminds Kaz of their first night together. How he couldn't help but think about what they could have been, had life not led them down this path. But it’s impossible to stop now, to set down their laurels and be normal people.

"Being behind a gun is what we do, Boss," Kaz says gently. "There's no room for angels in our Heaven."

Kaz begins to limp away, sparing a small glance at Venom. He’s staring into the distance, eye unseeing. Maybe there's a memory stirring behind his blue gaze, a time where he was once an angel.

Venom blinks, and the look is gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, important question:
> 
> Would you guys be ok with a really big time skip? Like im talking all the way to after mission 29 time skip. Mainly bcs this story isnt about me rewriting missions or going thru the shitty plot that is mgsv but its abt vkaz and idk i feel the missions are a bit boring to read.
> 
> The main ones i was planning on covering are mission 20: voices  
> Mission 23: the white mamba  
> And mission 29: metallica archae
> 
> But if you guys dont want boring garbo and more hearwrenching angst let me know (;


	16. For old times sake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo im not gonna do a huge time skip. But! I will only be covering Voices and The White Mamba missions, then ill be skipping most of Metallica Archaea proper, but there will be a stuff about it yknow? Im sure you guys will like it (; 
> 
> (this chapter was gonna flos into voices but ill split them up bcs voices is a bit...gross"

The children, for the most part, adapt seamlessly to life on Mother Base. Enthusiastic soldiers, both with and without backgrounds in childcare, take part in the rehabilitation effort, giving them an education and a stable environment.

 The staff psychologist on base is trying their best as well, even though she isn't exactly trained to deal with trauma in children, and had requested several journals on it.

Kaz himself, though, had been avoiding the children. Unsurprisingly they avoided him in turn. Hitting one of their friends with a cane will do that to most anyone. But ever since they had gotten a translator they had started to open up to their counselors more, enough to request a mission from their white knight.

Speaking of, that child saving hero was currently lounging in his spare chair, feet propped up on the desk and blasting Dancing With Tears In My Eyes at full volume, no regard for the poor fucker actually working in the room.

"Boss, don't you have some other duties to attend to?"

Kaz knows he doesn't have anything to do until tomorrow, when he ships out at dawn for the Ngumba Industrial Zone to find the kids’ leader, Shabani. Might as well have given him the Annoy Kaz for a Day mission.

"No."

"Let me rephrase that; go away or be quiet," Kaz says, vitriol dripping from his voice. It's mostly for show though. As annoying as Venom is insisting on being, Kaz missed this.

Venom only laughs softly.

"After nine whole years...rubbing your noses in the bloody battlefield dirt….Cipher sent you to hell."

Kaz groans, dropping his pen and glaring at Venom.

" But I-," Venom pauses, popping out the tape and inserting....oh god no.

"I'm taking you even deeper."

Kaz grimaces as the first beats of Kim Wilde's “Kids In America” begin playing. He picks up his pen and throws it at Venom."You're already a demon, asshole."

Venom catches the pen in his robotic hand and twirls it, flaunting his recent precision upgrade, before tucking it into his fatigue pocket. Then he stands and starts taking every single pen off of Kaz's desk, stuffing them into his ammo pouches.

"What are you doing?" he asks, trying to sound annoyed instead of amused.

"Confiscating your weapons. It's break time."

"Really now?" Kaz reaches forward and takes Venom's robotic hand, turning it so he could check the time. It's only 5:40. Kaz shakes his head. "Venom you should know the hours between 3pm and 2am are when I-"

"Do the most paperwork and consume the most caffeine. How could I forget my tardy sub commander’s schedule?"

Kaz pulls his hand back quickly, as if he had been burned. He swallows nervously as Venom finishes searching his desk for writing instruments. Satisfied with having completed his task, he stands tall and looks down at Kaz expectantly.

"Sorry, Boss. Work can't wait," he says before nonchalantly pulling a pen out of his coat pocket and returning to his paperwork.

Venom takes that pen too. "Do I need to strip search you?"

Kaz raises his eyebrows. They were way too old to be playing these games.

"Don't be dramatic, Boss. A pat down will do just fine."

Venom smiles and pushes himself in-between Kaz and the desk. "Arms up, commander."

Yeah, they were way too old for this. But Kaz gets to his feet and raises his arms anyway. He tilts his head up and looks expectantly at Venom.

Venom begins slowly running his hands down Kaz's sides, not quite patting. He frowns when he reaches his coat pocket, reaching in and pulling out a dog treat.

"Are these for DD?"

"No, they're for me."

Venom snorts and returns the treat to his left pocket before confiscating the two pens in Kaz's right pocket.

"You done yet?" Kaz asks, unable to hide his amusement anymore.

"No. Coat off. Hands against the wall."

Now this is getting interesting. Kaz does as he says, awkwardly maneuvering around his chair before pressing his gloved hand to the metal wall. 

Venom's hands run down his sides again, slowly unbuttoning his gun holster and jacket before patting him down. He removes his iDroid and the last pen from his pants pockets before not so subtly squeezing his ass.

"That's the last pen Boss. You've disarmed me," Kaz teases, turning his head to peek at him.

"So I have," Venom says, moving closer to press a series light kisses to Kaz's barely exposed neck. His hands trail up to loosen his tie before slowly unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt.

Venom steps closer, pressing his chest against Kaz's back. He's incredibly warm and Kaz can't help but lean into him, fingers now barely pressed against the wall. He and Venom haven't really...done anything since that night, and his gentle touches are really getting to him. A soft gasp escapes his lips when Venom's hand slips under his shirt, cool gloves contrasting nicely with the warmth of his uncovered fingers.

"Kaz."

Venom's raspy whisper so close to his ear sends shivers down his spine. He can barely hold back a quiet moan.

"Turn around."

Kaz obeys instantly, turning in Venom's arms and allowing himself to be gently pushed against the wall, taking some weight off his feet

. Venom's cold robotic hand gently brushes his cheek before trailing up to take his hat off. Venom eyes the hat for a moment before putting it on and letting his now free hand run through Kaz's hair.

A small smile reaches Kaz's lips. The hat sits on Venom’s head at an awkward angle to accommodate his horn, but it's still very...cute on him. "That's not a bad look on you," he says, reaching up and adjusting it slightly. 

"Thanks," Venom says, leaning forward and pressing a chaste kiss to Kaz's lips.

Kaz smiles and loops his arm around Venom's neck, pulling him down for a deeper kiss. His lips are chapped, and Kaz can feel the deep scar on his lower lip. He remembers how bad it looked during the crash, the injury almost caused him to drown in his own blood. Hindsight it always 20/20, but the fact that Kaz was fooled so long despite all of Venom's facial scars matching medic's fresh wounds during the crash was frankly embarrassing. Even the shrapnel in his skull was similar to the rough, black void of a wound that night.

Venom pulls back, studying Kaz's face. He gently taps the sides of his sunglasses, making a satisfying clicking noise.

"May I?"

"Show me yours, I'll show you mine," Kaz replies, flirtatious tone back in his voice.

To his credit, Venom laughs and nods, giving silent permission. Kaz brings his hand down, brushing the sturdy leather of his eyepatch. Venom closes his eye for a moment, and Kaz flips the patch up.

The skin under it is pale, giving Venom an odd tan line. The undeniably surgical precision of the scars around his eye is nothing like the Boss's; in fact, his left eye looks more marred than his right. It lacks the jagged pink scars and burns that radiated from where Ocelot's bullet had grazed his eyelid and had permanently burned a strip of hair off his eyebrow. 

As if on cue, Venom's eyes open, and Kaz finds himself staring at the white, cloudy fake eye similar to his own now.

"Looks better than I remember."

Kaz then closes his own eyes, allowing Venom to push his sunglasses up to the top of his head. He braces, and opens his eyes, wincing at the sting of the bright light, and squinting slightly to get a better look at Venom.

The downside to wearing sunglasses is how dim the world tended to look with the slight dark tint. Despite all these months of being back with Venom he hadn't seen him in pure, bright color. Marred only by the slight white cloud of cataracts, Venom looked beautiful. Without the eyepatch Kaz could almost see past the surgeries, the slight adjustments to his appearance to make him match Boss and see the medic looking back at him. Despite the scars, the rugged beard and melancholy eyes Kaz could see the phantom of the man he loved looking back at him.

But if he pulled himself away from the past, away from the ghosts, he could see Venom Snake. Not quite the medic, not quite Big Boss. An entirely unique man was staring back. And god did Kaz love him. He could feel it deep in his bones as he stared at the other man, the throbbing warmth of love. The feeling he felt hints of almost a decade ago. The feeling he pushed away in fear. But nine years of cold pain made it easier to accept. To allow himself the joy he did not deserve.

He loved Venom, heart and soul.

And it didn't hurt. For once in his entire life he didn't fear the feeling nipping at his heart. Tearing at his soul.

"Your cataracts have advanced,"

"Yeah." The crack in his voice is loud and embarrassing. His already cloudy sight blurring further from the tears in his eyes.

He reaches up and wipes them away, "Sorry it’s just..."

"I know,"

The silence between them is filled by the soft sounds of waves hitting steel struts, and almost simultaneous breaths.

Kaz pulls Venom forward, and they kiss. Soft and slow. It feels as if they're the only two people left on this man made island. He feels...happy.

"Kaz..I-"

Venom is cut off by a sharp, official knock on the door. Kaz jumps, but Venom quickly and calmly buttons up his shirt, adjusts his jacket, gun holster, and tightens his tie. Stepping away, tugging his eyepatch down, and returning to his seat. Kaz clears his throat and grabs his cane, quickly retaking his own seat.

"Come in."

Ocelot opens the door, a stack of papers in his arms. He looks impassively between the two of them before setting a stack of papers on Kaz's desk.

"Some more reports on the Ngumba Industrial Zone."

"Thanks," Kaz says as he slides the papers towards himself. He begins flipping through them, instinctively opening his desk drawer to find a pen, only to remember that Venom had taken all of them. Shit. He closes the drawer and returns to skimming the paper, anxiously waiting for Ocelot to leave.  

Ocelot's spurs clink as he nears the door and Kaz sighs inwardly in relief.

"Oh, Boss, I like your hat."

Kaz feels a blush rise to his cheeks, and stares down at the papers. Fucking Ocelot.

"Thanks."

The door closes, and they let out a sigh in unison. Kaz looks at Venom, who's already looking back at him, and realizes he hasn't put his eyepatch on. Kaz unsuccessfully tries to fight back a smile, and soon the pair are giggling like children.

"So.....break time?" Venom says.

Kaz leans back and pulls his sunglasses off his head. "My room?" he says, winking at Venom before sliding his shades back on.

Venom gets to his feet and rushes over to Kaz, lifting him and tossing him over his shoulder.

"Boss, what the hell?"

"I'm faster."

Kaz huffs as Venom grabs his cane, and a little too easily sneaks all the way to his room without getting caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They fuck, btw
> 
> And no, I'm not writing porn for this chapter, it ruins the Precious FeeFees //:


	17. War is how they'll die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought i posted this a few days ago lmoa whoops

Venom's calloused fingertips send shivers down Kaz's spine as they run over his small collection collection of pink burns and bullet scars scattered over his chest.

"Was this from the crash?" Venom asks quietly, his gloved fingers brushing over a particularly large and nasty looking scar under his ribs.

"Yeah, I didn't get out of it as scott free as it seems."

Venom leans close and presses his lips to the sensitive skin, his prickly beard almost tickling Kaz.

"Cut that out. I don't need you to kiss my scars."

Kaz can feel Venom smile against his skin, and the sudden warmth of his tongue on him. Venom slowly runs his tongue up Kaz's chest, stopping at his collarbone and gently kissing up his neck.

After they had gotten to his room Venom had dutifully stripped Kaz down to his boxers. Kaz had tried the same, but despite his best efforts he had only managed to get Venom's equipment and shirt off. It had been rather difficult when he only had one hand and Venom was hell bent on kissing and touching every inch of his body.

It was strange, to have sex like this. He kept a careful arms length with medic, and all his past flings. Foreplay was important, but these touches were different. And it didn't help that Venom had insisted on playing True from his tape deck.

"May I?" Venom's rough whisper interrupts his thoughts, mouth a few inches away from Kaz's ear. His hand was resting on corner of his shades.

"Go ahead."

The room is dim, lit only by a pair of speciality red lights from his lamp. His eyes barely sting when Venom sets the glasses gently on the table. He looks back to Kaz, gently cupping his cheek and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Stop that, I'm not five."

"No." He says, almost inaudible as he presses kisses all over Kaz’s face. 

"At least take the hat off."

There's a pause and Venom sits up a bit, single eye squinting in thought. He tilts his head left, then right. Like a dog.

"No."

Kaz rolls his eyes. Venom is truly impossible. He gently takes the man's gloved hand, bringing it to his mouth. He meets Venom's eye and watches his face closely as he lightly runs his tongue over the pads of Venom exposed fingers, savoring his very slight intake of breath before slowly pulling the glove off with his teeth. He lets it fall away before sitting up and gently pressing his forehead to Venom's, the cool metal of the shrapnel contrasting with the others warm skin.

He removes Venom's hat and tosses it into the corner.

"I was wearing those, y'know."

Kaz laughs and kisses him. Venom's tongue gently laps at Kaz's lips, and he opens his mouth, tilting his head for a better angle. It's surprisingly gentle, even when Venom pulls away and lightly nips his lower lip.

"How far do you want to go?" Venom asks between light kisses and nips to Kaz's neck. He tilts his head to the side, letting the other push the rumpled shirt off his shoulder and suck a few light hickeys to the tender skin.

"I want you to fuck me," Kaz whispers. It's almost painfully ironic how Venom seems to unconsciously echo the words of his ghost. It seems some things can never be wiped away.

And he can't help but play along, dancing with the phantoms of his pasts as if he were the star of a greek tragedy.

Venom nods, leaning over to fish the lube out of the bottom drawer and set it on the nightstand. "We don't have to fuck, Kaz."

Kaz frowns curiously. What is Venom playing at? They’re going to fuck, right? He’s already half naked. 

Venom's hands gently cup Kaz cheeks, tilting his head up to look directly into his bright blue eye. "We can make love."

Kaz shouldn't feel so shocked. He was always careful to avoid that word, to avoid hearing Venom say it. They were too close to medics last words.

Kaz closes his jaw, and nods. "P-please,"

Kaz feels breathless as Venom slowly, lovingly, slips his shirt off and drops it off the side of the bed. His hands slowly run across his body. 

Kaz gently tugs the bottom of Venom's shirt, feeling a bit childish. "Take this off."

Venom pulls back, quickly removes it and tosses it aside. Kaz nervously runs his hand across Venom's chest, returning the slow gentle touches as best he can.

\---------------

Venom had always liked warm showers. Kaz was the type to take them cool, due to the constant balmy heat outside but a change of pace was fine. More warmth was an easy price to pay for a chance to soap up Venom's chest.

Kaz was really just running his hand over the scars at this point. Any pretense of actually washing long abandon. Venom on the other hand was thoroughly shampooing Kaz's hair. He hated to admit it was the most his hair had been cleaned since he lost his arm.

He leans his head against Venom's shoulder, looking up through the slight mist of the shower. Venom was taking most of the stream, leaving no water for Kaz. His hair was down, which was different. Even wet it barely brushed below jawline, much longer than Boss or even the medic had ever kept it. Kaz couldn't help but wonder if the change in length was a result of one of his phantoms. Or maybe it was Venom's own choice.

Either way it looked good on him. Venom shifts, pulling Kaz closer to the water and rinsing the soap out of his hair. Quietly and meticulously. He had recently gotten a haircut before his two week torture retreat in the desert and his hair had grown out a bit more than he usually liked in the bangs. But he hadn't actually styled it in months, hard to do with only one hand. Hard to do most upkeep with only one hand.

He feels the warm metal of Venom's hand on his chin, tilting his head up for a small kiss.

"Is that safe to bring in the shower?" Kaz asks after they pull away. Giving Venom's yellow stun arm a wary look. He really didn't want to die of electrocution naked in a shower with his boss.

"Probably."

"Probably?"

Venom looks at the arm, clicking the wrist in that really loud way he shouldn't be able to do but insisted on doing to attract enemy attention.

"Probably," He says again with much more confidence. Case closed apparently.

Kaz looks at the watch and sighs, Venom had to leave in an hour. He reaches past him and shuts the water off. Venom wordlessly helps him out of the shower and Kaz leans against the sink to dry himself off before passing the towel to Venom. Kaz reattaches his leg and tugs on his boxers before grabbing his cane and returning to his room to get dressed. It's still a mess from last night, his clothes scattered everywhere and all of Venom's equipment in a pile by the door.

"You should get fresh fatigues from your room," Kaz says as he begins the arduous task of dressing himself. Venom just grunts from the bathroom. Eventually he pokes his head out and looks around.

"You see where I put my hair tie?"

"No."

Venom grunts again and returns to the bathroom to look around. It probably fell off in the night. And Kaz wasn't about to let him tear his room apart any more.

"You can always borrow one from Howling Turkey."

"All of hers have those little balls on them and they hurt."

Kaz snorts. A guy that enjoyed putting himself in the line of fire and was literally stabbed with a flaming machete complaining about the balls on hair ties?

"But her purple one would go so well with you stun arm." Kaz teases, buttoning up his dress shirt and tugging on his jacket. He looks back to see Venom emerge from the bathroom and helplessly look around at the room, trying in vain to find his elastic.

"Just get another one."

"It's not the same."

The sound of dejection in his voice shouldn't be so damn funny to Kaz. Venom was obviously suffering, or being dramatic.

Kaz ignores the 6 foot manchild rooting around for his hair tie and begins tying his tie. It's always an obnoxious struggle to get it tied. Even on good days, and without a mirror. He sighs after failing the knot again and turns to go to the bathroom for mirror assistance only to run into Venom's chest. He put a shirt on. Unfortunately.

"Boss?"

Venom's hands undo the failed knot, he holds to ends almost delicately for a moment before moving them in an achingly familiar way. Kaz doesn't even have to look down to know what Venom has done. But he does anyway, a faint and melancholy smile on his lips.

"Sorry, I'm not very good with ties," Venom says with a playful smile.

Kaz looks at the limp hermes bow. Tie material wasn't made to hold a flowery bow.

"I can't wear this all day, Venom."

"I know."

They stand in silence for a moment. Kaz looks up to Venom. Searching the man's blue eye for anything. A stirring of memories. A flash of recognition. Anything at all.

There's nothing, only a clear calm sea. Unaware, in the moment, of all the things he has lost. He's found his island, he doesn't need to worry anymore.

Kaz unties the bow. Nine years and he's still lost. Venom being near didn't stop his pain. It didn't erase those years of loneliness, of fear. Venom was the sum of his parts yes, but those parts are still gone forever in their individuality. There was no more medic. There was no more Boss. A loss is a loss, no matter how much you gain. Kaz knows, deep down, that it would never truly stop hurting.

Venom's hands, scared and missing, slowly and carefully tie the fabric into a Windsor knot.

The same, but different.

"Thanks,"

"Anytime,"

Venom steps away, looking at his watch and wincing. He had to get going.

"See you at the RV,"

Kaz nods, and watches Venom gather his stuff and leave. Closing the door quietly.

Everything has gone off without a hitch. Venom and D-Horse have made steady progress up the mountain despite the pouring rain and thunder. The weather should be clearing soon on the upside.

Truth be told he's only been half paying attention to Venom, focusing on the reevaluating the R&D teams budget and financing the new Intel platforms development. Ocelot had been kind enough to do the bulk of the observing. Tapping the table obnoxiously whenever he needed to look at something.

"What are you gonna do, jump off a waterfall? Go around,"

Kaz looks up, noticing the wry smile and faraway look in Ocelot's eyes before glancing at the monitor. Sure enough Venom was precariously close to the edge of a slow moving waterfall. He can't hold back a small laugh as Venom dutifully crawls away and up the hill. He sets the papers aside and leans back to watch boss approach the industrial Zone. The place was eerily quiet, no guards, not even the sound of birds. Just cold deadly silence.

Venom moved slowly through the area, walking to the doorway. Kaz squints and pushes his sunglasses up a bit.

"Is...that blood?" He asks Ocelot softly, staring at the rusty dried trails of fluid all over the ground and wall of the entrance.

Ocelot is uncharacteristically silent, face twisted in disgust.

Venom enters the building and paused to let the cameras shift into low light mode. Kaz feels his stomach twist, he's seen a lot of things in his life and this hallway was right out of a King novel. The building was a makeshift hospital. Unused cots and IV stands pushed against the wall, cabinets of unclean tools and medicines standing stoic in corners. Blood, fresh and dried, had drenched and stained the concrete floors entirely. Kaz could hear the squelch of Venom's boots on the wet floor.

Venom was moving slower, cautious of anything that would jump out at him as he rounded the corner. He pushes the curtains aside to reveal a man laying on a dirty table. A patch on his throat and cover on his chest.

As Venom shines the light on the wilted frame, Kaz can’t decide what is worse: the damage done to the body, or the fact that he was still alive.

Venom removes the bandage on the man’s throat, revealing a gorey slit with a wire sticking out. He tugs the wire out, revealing an earbud, and holds it up to his ear. Kaz turns up the sound receptors, and can faintly hear Spanish from the headphone. The earbud is plugged into a tape player, hung mockingly from an IV drip.

The man coughs weakly, and Venom removes the cloth from his chest. Two lung shapes tumors, purple and pinkish in color, like a bruise rose from the man's chest. They had the texture of an orange, and every breath the man took thick clear fluid leaked from the pores. Kaz could see the veins through the thin swelled skin undulate with the man's heartbeat.

Venom's yellow robotic fingers touch the bloated skin, and he examines the viscous fluid for a moment before turning away. The poor soul was doomed. They had to find Shabani.

At this point, Kaz hopes the kid is long dead.

Venom turns and pushes the curtain aside, and for once in his life Kaz doesn't regret skipping lunch.

Two equal rows of cots, each on holding a human of similar decay. All breathing softly as a cacophony of small barely audible noise emits from the mockery of an IV. It's a scene from hell, right here on earth.

Venom walks down the isle, thousands of voices all yelling at him. But he's only here to save one.

He turns into a room, the isolated body on the table was smaller than the rest. Fragile.

Venom looks down at the child, barely even 14. He's as emancipated as the rest, with whites spots above his ribs. Im his hand a small wooden necklace.

"Shabani," Venom whispers to the child, "Your boys sent me."

The boy responds with a raspy breath as Venom cuts his restraints, "Kill me,"

The sound of footsteps is heard, and through the curtains they can barely make out a suited figure, standing over a victim on a table. Skull Face.

Skull Face says something in a language Kaz doesn't understand.

"What was that?" He's whispering for some reason.

"A Slavic language, maybe Finnish? Or from that area. I'll get Intel on it," Ocelot whispers back.

Skull Face shoots the other in the head. Kaz can't help but see it as a merciful act. Shabani begins to struggle. Venom tries to hold him but the child is panicking.

"Kill me, kill me," He begs.

Skull Face points his shotgun at Venom.

"You,"

There's a long pause, and Skull Face turns away.

"Burn with the rest of them," He says, as the floating child appears behind him.

There's a loud crash and a roar as Venom is tackled by flames. Venom pushes him off, and Kaz is looking a demon from hell. A wall of flames and fire, covered in molten bullets.

The beast grabs Venom, melting the wires that recorded audio inputs, but stops. Venom crawls back as the demon seems to solidify. The floating child is hovering above Shabani as the child draws his final breath, before turning back to the pair.

Cold fear gripes Kaz's heart. Venom could die. Right here, right now. Burned alive in the hell hole along with the other poor souls. How could he fight that thing. Bullets wouldn't hurt it, and the rain had stopped an hour ago.

It was ironic, really. That Venom were to die by fire again, no one to lift him from the wreckage and bring him to shore.

The monster roars, flames shooting out of it.

No.

Venom would not die. Not today. Not again.

"Get the fuck out of there, Boss!"

If Venom replies Kaz can't hear it, the output relay was melted. But the Man turns, and runs for his life. The camera shakes, fuzzy from heat damage as Venom weaves through the burning building. Thundering flames behind him. Ocelot is already furiously giving orders to the landing zone.

"Run Boss, it's him again you can't let him catch you!"

Venom bursts out of the building. Low light mode turns off as he races down the hill and through the dilapidated shed. Only to see a collapsed tunnel.

"Fuck," Kaz curses.

"I'm moving the LZ closer, try to immobilize him," Ocelot says, much calmer than how Kaz feels.

He takes a breath, trying to calm himself. This wasn't the end.

The footage is getting worse by the minute, cutting out at time and flickering. Made worse by the audio transmission failing. It's surreal, to see the monster slowly advance on Venom. To see his vitals fluctuate. To see doom coming, but only hear dead silence.

Venom runs into the building, turning in time to shoot out a boiler, dousing the flaming man with water. The man stops, and Venom calls the chopper. No time to waste. He jumps in just as flames burst out the windows of the old shed. Pequod takes off faster than Kaz had ever seen, and just like that they were safe.

Kaz lets out a sigh. Well, mission complete.

"The kids won't be happy to hear that," Ocelot says softly.

"Yeah...better let Boss break it to them. We can clean up the fall out,"

Ocelot nods, and gets to his feet. They had a few hours before Venom got home, enough time to check the audio and footage the could save.

Ocelot leaves, closing the door behind him. Kaz takes off his sunglasses, and cries.

Venom broke the news as well as he could. Jumping off the helicopter, and giving the necklace he took to the oldest child. They knew.

Kaz could see them from where he stood. Quietly sitting on the edge of base, looking out toward the sea. A few were reading books, using their new skills.

He walks toward them, loud as always. They eye him warily, as they should. He did hit their leader with a cane. He stands in front on the small group, and painfully kneels down, setting the came in front of himself. He pulls a candy bar from his pocket, kept cold so not to melt in the heat. He offers it to the oldest boy, an apology of sorts, but mostly his condolences.

The child takes the candy bar with a soft thank you. Kaz nods, and gets back to his feet. Limping away. It was the best he could do.


	18. Pretentious to the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super short chapter, and the time skip. Ive been working on my jetstream sam cosplay for indy pop con and it has taken all of my energy lmoa r ip.
> 
> But as you can see we're winding down on this arc. Still plenty of story left to tell, but soon well be in yummy non canon territory where kojima can pull my headcanons from the cold dead hands of my corpse

The White Mamba had been captured only a few days ago. And he had made life on base a living nightmare.

They had gotten reports about the kids wreaking havoc in africa, and sent Venom in to deal with it. It seemed like Diamond Dogs was turning into a orphanage. The child leader was easily captured with a well placed tranq dart and brought to base, along with a few severely injured and sick kids Boss had lifted out. Unfortunately that's where all the ease stopped.

"Kid wants to talk to you now," Ocelot's annoying holier thou drawl was especially bitchy today.

"We really letting a child push us around?" Kaz shoots back.

Ocelot doesn't reply, but if looks could kill. He sets down a small file on the boy. Everything they already knew, and whatever they had gotten from

via interrogation.

"Eli hasn't told you his name yet?" Kaz asks as he skims through the information he already knows. The blood work was still going through tests to prove Eli was the left overs of Les Enfants Terribles, but he knew it would come up negative. Unless Ocelot would try to doctor the results, proving that he knew Venom was a fake and he was in on concealing it.

A delicate tower, about to collapse in on itself. All because of one kid.

"No. Hasn't said anything. Refuses to talk to anyone that isn't the doctor or Big Boss," Ocelot looks visibly annoyed to have his authority disrespected by another stuck up blond, "Although he has shown interest in talking to you, second in command,"

Kaz really should be more respectful of Ocelot's plight, but he deserved it.

"I guess I could go see him," Kaz says thoughtfully as he gets to his feet, room 101 was a bit much for a child. So he was having the interrogations go on at the medical platform so Eli could keep an eye on his tropes. 

Ocelot rolls his eyes, and is nice enough to give him a ride over to the medical bay. He wanders off to "talk" to Quiet while Kaz makes his way slowly to the makeshift holding cell. He had nixed any attempts at standard interrogation methods Ocelot enjoyed such as sleep deprivation, drugs, torture, and the Reid technique. He has allowed pride-and-ego down methods, but the results weren't anything substantial. He was the leader of an organized militia force, but he was still a kid. No need to fuck him up more.

He knocks on the door politely, waits a few moments before unlocking and entering. He decided it would be safer for him to leave his weapons in the car. This kid was Big Boss's clone after all. He may be no more than 13 but he could no doubt over power a double amputee.

He passes the keys to the guard as he enters, and makes his way to the small table and chairs in the room. Eli is seated on the bed shoved in the corner, glaring at him.

There was no doubt in his mind, that kid was a son of Big Boss. His hair was a light blond, but his eyes were that same cool dark blue he remembered. So unlike Venom's bright electric eyes.

"Hey kid, I'm Kazuhira Miller," He says as he takes a seat. Eli's face remains impassive and angry, "The XO. Ocelot said you wanted to see me,"

Eli’s eyes widened a bit, surprised his request was actually met.

"You can call me Miller if you want. What's your name?"

"Nyok-"

"No," Kaz cuts him off quick and stern, "your real name,"

Eli's mouth clamps shut and he glares wordlessly.

"I gave you my real name," Kaz offers, trying not to be overly kind. But he doesn't answer. Kaz holds in a sigh, might as well get right to the point.

"Listen, Elijah, we wanted to at least give you the privileged of telling us your name. But I'm not letting you yank our chain,"

Eli clenches his fist, and Kaz can see him grit his teeth in rage.

"Elijah we-"

"Its Eli." He snaps, "If you're going to use my name just use Eli,"

Kaz raises his eyebrows, didn't expect him to actually use such a cute nickname. He and Ocelot were just using it to mock him. 

"Alright, Eli. Do you know why we took you in?"

The kid huffs, but seems to relax. Kaz was at least getting somewhere with him.

"No,"

He spends the next few minutes having a surprisingly pleasant conversation with the kid. He was angry of course, but after a bit of explaining he seemed to understand the reasons behind picking them up. How Diamond Dogs worked, and the plan they had for the kids in custody. Eli even gave him information to find other children in need of assistance. No matter how bratty and stuck up Eli was he did seem to care about the children who followed him.

"Miller..." Eli asks, after a few minutes of silence while Kaz took down notes of their conversation.

"Yeah?"

"Can...can I see Snake?"

He pauses his writing, and looks up. Eli had moved to sit across the table from him, and was demurely looking at his hands. Kaz can't help but feel a pang of sadness. He knew what Eli and his brother David was going through. Not having a dad around, but hearing constant stories about him. Feeling abandon.

"What do you want with him? I'll see what I can do,"

Eli thinks a moment, "I want a rematch. He took me down without a fight and I want to prove to him I'm his son,"

There's a real passion burning in his eyes. A fire he so rarely saw in Snake. A drive to prove himself to the adults in his life who always doubted him, really touched Kaz's heart.

"I can't promise you anything right now, but I'll talk to him. Reserve a platform. Until then I'm ok with releasing you into the barracks with the others. As long as you'll behave."

Eli nods, excitement clear on his face. He was one hell of a stuck up brat, but he would go places. Kaz gets to his feet and starts to leave.

"Miller one more thing. How did you lose your arm?"

Kaz can't help but smile to himself as he starts to limp out, no matter how series Eli acted he was still young and curious

"A ninja cut it off,"

 

Upon returning to the jeep Ocelot is visibly annoyed at the progress Kaz made with Eli, and the fact he was letting the kid out of solitary.

"Hard to believe he's probably Boss's kid when he looks just like you,"

Kaz rolls his eyes, typical.

"Our hair looks similar, our faces look nothing alike. Especially in the eye shape and nose, kid is Caucasian through and through" he hums thoughtfully, "Though if he put on sunglasses I don't think anyone could tell the difference,"

To his credit Ocelot laughs at that as he pulls into the command platform, "Let's keep him away from those. Wouldn't want him trying to order us around,"

Kaz sighs and feels a slight headache coming on as soon as he closes the door to his office. Venom would be home soon, which was good. They had to organize Eli's rematch and figure out what was going on with this sudden outbreak of sickness on base. He was excited to just...lay down with Venom and sleep.

He couldn't help but feel malaise. Something was coming. He knew this wouldn't last forever, this comfortable routine. Eventually it would crumble away. But god he wanted it to last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaz Miller: Professional Snake Charmer


	19. I'll never be whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kept you waiting, huh?

To say shit had hit the fan was an understatement. It was more like an entire damn sewage building had exploded.

That was exactly what these past few weeks had been like. Men dropping like flies to that illness, Eli and the kids acting out, leads going no where moral dropping. Everything felt so hopeless, Kaz was close to giving up and evacuating the base. But then they found him.

Code Talker. Might as well have been an angel of mercy. Venom liberated him from the skulls a few days ago, and since then things have been looking up. It wasn't an easy fight for him though. Not after the helicopter crashed and Venom had to fight off the parasite unite, but he did it. And even managed to avoid getting stabbed. And within days the man had helped them formulate a vaccine for the parasites, saving hundreds of the men and putting the base back im order. The casualties they took struck a blow to their forces, but Diamond Dogs was still standing. 

For now. They had one more threat to deal with.

Skull Face had pinned down, and he wasn't getting away this time. OKB Zero, it was an all or nothing push in. Venom couldn't get caught, or else it was over. 

So yes, Kaz felt very tense and he made his way to said mans room. With all the activity they had barely any time to see each other outside of meetings. Weird to say you miss your own boss but it was true. Kaz wanted to see him before they left. It always might be the last time.

He knocks on the door, only to be met with silence. He knocks again after a few minutes, before using his pin to open the door anyway. Only to see Venom standing in the doorway, about to open it, fully dressed for deployment. Minus the guns. 

"What's the point of knocking then?" He asks with a slight smile. 

Kaz shrugs and shuffles in when he steps aside, "You were taking too long,"

Venom laughs, then falls silent. Kaz tilts his head, watching the man closely. He seemed...preoccupied. Wasn't meeting his gaze.

They stand like statutes until Venom breaks first.

"I was in the bathroom," He says awkwardly. 

Kaz glances to the open door, noticing a glint on the ground. He frowns, and goes to peek into the room.

The mirror was shattered. Small fragments littered the ground and sink. It looked like it had been punched. Kaz can see Venom standing in the same spot in the tiny fragmented reflections, face stoic. His eyes look for any blood, only to see the tape player sitting on the edge of the sink. A few shards of glass had fallen onto it. Did Venom do this recently? 

Kaz enters slowly and picks up the tape player. Shaking the shards off before turning and walking back to Venom. 

"Wouldn't wanna forget this," He says casually as he holds the player out to Venom who slowly takes it back. Clipping it to his belt.

"Yeah..." 

Something was wrong with Venom. He couldn't place his finger on it however. Kaz tilts his head and Venom looks away, not meeting his eyes. 

"This is our best chance at getting Skull Face," Kaz says softly, looking away from Venom. He wanted to give him space without moving away. 

"You'll be coming with me?" 

Kaz nods, "I need to be there...I need this too..."

Venom reaches forward slowly, resting a hand on his shoulder before pulling Kaz into a hug. Kaz can't help but relax into his arms, and let out a shaky sigh. It was time to end this all.

Kaz pulls away first, "I'll be with Queequag," 

Venom nods, and dutifully follows Kaz out of the room towards the helicopters. It was all or nothing now. Venom helps Kaz into the helicopter wordlessly. Kaz tilts his head, trying to meet his eye.

Venom looks away, but his arm linger. 

"Be safe," Kaz whispers to him, over the roar of the blades. And Venom nods, almost imperceptibly, and leaves. 

Kaz sighs, and takes his seat. He had a long flight. 

\---

Kaz was glaring at Eli and Emmerich behind his sunglasses. The downside of coming with meant he couldn't see what Venom was doing, he could only wait and listen to Ocelot advise him. It was incredibly nerve wracking. 

And the little stow away didn't even have the dignity to pretend to be guilty. He sat there pouting and fiddling with his gloves. If someone had told him three months ago he would be holed up in a helicopter with Big Boss' clone and Huey Emerich he would have sent them to tbe brigg. 

Eli looks up at him suddenly, a strange expression on his face. He didn't take the news that he and Venom were not genetically related very well. Kaz felt bad for the kid, all he had ever known was that he was the son of Boss and apparently that was a lie. 

But it wasn't. He was a son of the boss. Just not this boss. Kaz wanted to tell him. Pull him aside and reassure him of his lineage. But what good would it do? His real dad was dead and a ghost was in his place. And thats assuming the kid would believe him. No, better to spare him that. 

That brought him to another question. Ocelot didn't bother hiding the results of the blood test. No relation what so ever. Kaz frowns, tapping a gloved finger on his cane. Why did he not try to hide it? Wouldn't it raise suspicion that Venom wasn't the real boss? Eli was toe to tip the spitting image of Boss, and passed as a son to Venom. What was that cats game plan? Did he really not know?

Kaz hated to admit it, but Ocelot knew Boss better than he ever did. The only reason Kaz was able to figure out Boss was dead was because he knew the medic so well. Ocelot had to know Venom was just a phantom, right?

He lets out a frustrated sighs and rubs his eyes, this didn't make any sense. 

"He made contact with Skull Face," 

Speaking of the devil, Kaz perks up a bit. Ocelot was back on base with video feed, keeping him updated on Venom's movements. He was surprisingly understanding about all this. 

"Hes...just talking?"

"Who? Venom or Skull Face?"

There's a brief pause, "Skull Face. He's leading Boss somewhere. No one's shooting so I guess its ok for now,"

Kaz hums thoughtfully and switches to Venoms audio channel. Listening hard to catch snatches of their conversation. 

Conversation used lightly. Skull Face was really yammering on. He had lead Venom to a car, and started driving them back to where Emmerich had been held. Kaz doesn't really know how he feels about letting Boss go in there. Seems dangerous. 

He jerks a bit when he hears a loud thump on the line. It sounds like someone's hitting the mic on Venom's VOX. He listens closely to the taps. Morse code. 

"Won't shut up. Will be safe. Don't worry."

Kaz hides a smile behind his hand. Venom knew him way too well.

"Who said I was worried," He says softly as the car disappears into the mountain side. 

He hears some light commotion going on from the com, unable to keep from worrying as the helicopter slowly circles. He glances over at Eli, the boy had grown strangely quiet. He was breathing slowly, eyes closed and no longer moving. After a moment he opens his eyes. The bright blue seems oddly glazed over, and unseeing. 

"Hey, Venom....there's something wrong with Eli," Kaz whispers into the com. He wishes they could drop the kid off somewhere, he didn't need to see this. 

He listens to the random gunfire and footfall nervously. He wish he could see what was going on. There was a building of commotion outside the entrance of the cave, something must be going on. 

Then he hears it. Loudly in the com and faintly from the mountains. The awful death shriek of the metal gear that makes his blood run cold. Be watches the hulking metal monster emerge from the cave in shock. This was his first time seeing it for real, and it made him shake. It wasnt the first time he had seen one of these of course. But this was nearly twice the size of Peace Walker, and was able to hold a human pilot. 

"There's a uh, POF anomaly? I'm leaving the AO for now," Queequag announces uncomfortably as he flies off. Kaz rolls his eyes a bit, eventually Pequads professionalism would rub off. 

He watches the figures shrink and bites his lip nervously. Only able to get a vague idea of what's going on. 

"Boss, get out of there!" He finally says when the metal gear stills for a moment. 

"If the world finds out about Sahelanthropus skull face will have won!" Kaz says quickly, trying to keep the panic out of his voice, "His plans will become reality. He won't even need to use nukes! That things mere existence will be enough to enslave humanity to the fear of nuclear armageddon! It will tear the world apart!"

Kaz watches the car Venom's in speed down the road, his worst fears flashing in his mind as the car swerves, and us enveloped by a wave of dust.

"Boss!"

A few moments later the empty car rolls out, and the dust dissipates. Venom slowly looks over to see Sahelanthropus staring him down. Kaz shudders as a sudden thought comes to mind. 

"Its after you..." He says fearfully, then grips his cane, "you need to stop it boss! Destroy Sahelanthropus!"

The creature roars, and the battle begins. 

 

\---

Kaz feels his heart racing as the helicopter touches down. Venom, a single man on the ground had just taken down a fucking metal gear. Sure, Boss did it with the AI pods but...this was a field Medic. 

Venom hops out of the chopper, and offers Kaz his arm. He takes it without hesitation. Following Venom to the body wheezing weakly on the ground. 

This was his first time off base since Venom brought him back from the dead. There was a nice breeze, only ruined by the acrid smell of burning chemicals.

It was a truly beautiful day.

Skull Face reaches for his gun as Venom kicks it away. Now this was a sight. The once proud leader on the dusty ground covered in blood. Exquisite.

Venom kneels and opens the silver container. Two vials of the English parasite strain tucked inside. 

"There were three. Where's the other?" He asks the choking soon to be corpse.

"Very close....to you,"

Kaz rolls his eyes. Figures.

Venom takes one out, examining it curiously before casually tossing it into the fires behind him. Shattering on the ground before making a popping noise. He takes the other one, checking it over before tossing it away. 

"Finish me.." Skull Face wheezes pathetically as he points to his gun, "Kill me,"

Kaz hits his hand away with his cane, scowling. Fucker wanted the easy way out. No. He didn't deserve it. 

Venom steps beside him, easily picking up the discarded weapon and glancing it over. Then pointing it at the monster in the dirt. 

Venom stands there for a few moments, Kaz watches him from the corner of his eye. Wishing he was on he other side, able to see the emotion in his bright eye. 

A shot rings out.

Kaz can't begin to fathom what Venom is thinking as he pulls that trigger. Was he thinking of Paz? Did he even realize she was dead?

A shot rings out.

Maybe he was thinking of Chico. The poor kid, he died in that helicopter. Ripped apart by a wayward scrap of metal. 

A shot rings out.

Was he thinking of his loss? Could he even fathom the extent if what Skull Face stole from him? The body on the ground had taken everything. It had taken Venom's comrades, his body, hell even his life. He made that man in the helicopter, the saint who cried at night over the ones he lost, the man who wanted nothing but to protect others, wanted to love and to live in a peace he could no longer attain. 

It killed that man. And now the mans ghost was here to kill it back a thousand times over. 

Kaz takes Venom's wrist. He can feel his pulse through the glove. Strong. Alive. Beating and burning with the hate and rage and sorrow of a thousand seas. 

He points the gun at its leg. The left one. 

Venom pulls the trigger. Four times in quick succession. Until the fuckers leg is servered. Just. Below. The. Knee. 

He jerks the gun to the arm. The right arm. 

One.

Two.

Three.

Every shot feels exhilarating. He grips Venom's wrist, and the pain. The ever present burn of his loss. The weight of death that presses down on him. Its gone. He can feel the sun on his face, the breeze. He can almost hear water lapping at steel struts. He feels himself smile.

Venom points the gun at the figure, and pulls the trigger. 

A click.

Well. Life's a real bitch isn't it?

Venom drops the gun, and turns away. Leaving the corpse to rot.

"Kill me...."

Kaz turns the gun with his cane, grip facing it. And pushes a single bullet toward it. 

"Do it yourself," He hisses. 

Skull Face reaches for the gun, and Kaz turns away. Finding himself face to fave with Venom. 

"Mission complete...Boss," 

Venom glances at Skull Face, and looks back at Kaz. There's a glimmer in his eye that Kaz hasn't seen in a long time. 

They walk away, its cries slowly fading. And Kaz feels a peace settle over him. 

A shot rings out, and he turns. Emmerich drops the gun and looks at his hands. The fact that he could even load a gun was impressive. 

"I-I did it!" he raises his hands triumphantly, "Revenge!"

Kaz feels sick at the sight. What a petty, sad man. He was happy to kill that leech, but he knew as well as any it wasn't going to fix him. He was still broken, and Venom still a phantom. Nothing gained but a few seconds of solace. At least he could admit it.

He looks at Venom, and they return to the helicopter. Kaz watches the sea out the window. Eli isn't even glaring at Venom, just glancing to a spot up and next to him. Huey is annoyingly giddy. 

His arm hurts again, so does his leg. But he expected that. He glances at Venom and slowly, carefully reaches over to take his hand, entwining their fingers. 

He squeezes gently, and after a few moments Venom squeezes back. 

Its not over. Its never over, not really. But this is nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probs one of my fave cut scenes, and inspired a lot of this fic! 
> 
> Also this isnt over.


	20. Shining lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u packed ur lunch bags bcs we're going on a feel trip

The thing about an all consuming goal is often when you achieve it, you have nothing left. 

Skull Face is dead, blood paid with blood. The world moves on. Malaise sets in, and it almost makes the final act not worth it. 

Almost. That monster being dead wouldn't be spoiled by any petty human moral. 

Kaz looks out onto the sea from his perch on the top of the main strut with a sigh. Venom had been avoiding him. It was easy to tell, he went in more missions. Didn't appear in his doorway as soon as he got home to spend the night. 

He was different, ever since they got Code Talker. Something had changed in him, and Kaz couldn't place it. It was like Venom knew something. Something that was pushing him away. 

There's a rustling noise behind him, and Kaz turns to see DD walking toward him. Flopping down by him with a yawn. Her fur was pushed down where she had been wearing a tactical vest. Someone just got home. 

Kaz pets DD, ruffling the fur and scratching behind her ears. If Boss were here, he would have already tried to eat her. 

He leans onto the safety rail, the sun had gone and small stars dotted the horizon. He missed Snake. The easy banter and weird feelings in his chest whenever he saw him. The mixture of love and anger at him for being such a goddamn freak.

Boss, he realized, liked him too. Why else could he have acted the way he did, possessive and mildly creepy. But it was too late now. It was too late nine years ago when he was fucking medic one room over. 

"Go get Venom," He says softly to DD, sliding his sunglasses off to see the stars better. She gets up and shakes off before trotting away. 

Nine years...almost ten by now. Revenge was taken. Sahelanthropus stood proudly on the R&D platform, a testament to those struggles. He hates it. Looking at the monster made him sick. It reminds him of ZEKE, the biggest fucking mistake of his life was putting a nuke on that thing. Thinking that those objects could do anything but kill.

Deterrence is a fucking joke, nothing will stop the inevitable. World War Three will be fought with sticks. And in a way its his fault.

War as a business. What kind of idiot is he? Pain like this will never bring about peace. The world is doomed.

There's a movement to his left, and Kaz pulls himself out of his thoughts enough to look at Venom taking a quiet seat next to him.

"Venom,"

"Kaz,"

DD sniffs at his pocket, and he feeds her a treat as the two sit silently. Watching the moon rise. 

"Do...do you think we can ever move on?" Kaz asks softly, turning to look at Venom. Who was staring pensively out to sea.

"No longer dogs of war, but men with names. Men who can find peace in other ways, instead of being a glorified gun?"

Venom turns to look at Kaz, single eye meeting his. He was lost again, Kaz could tell. 

"I can't go back, Kaz. Peace...isn't something I can have,"

Kaz swallows back a lump, and forces a smile, "You have me,"

Venom looks away, regret flashing in his eyes for a moment.

"I can get us out, Venom. If you..." Kaz pauses, letting out a breath and looking back towards the sea, "If you ever want to leave and try to be free, give me the word," 

A heavy silence falls over them, before Venom takes a deep breath.

"I will,"

Kaz slowly leans his head on Venom's shoulder. The other man stiffens, and after a few long minutes, relaxes. 

"Hold out your hand," Kaz says, "And don't peek," 

Venom lets out a small huff and opens the palm of his robotic hand expectantly. 

Kaz fishes the dog tags out of his layers of clothing. He looks at the warped and burned metal that had once belonged to Medic, and thinks of the man's last words. 

He died, declaring his love for Kaz. His love for peace. 

It wasn't fair. 

Life isn't fair.

Kaz runs his finger over the familiar pattern that once spelled a name for the last time, and he takes the tag off. Gently placing it in Venom's hand with a click.

"Kaz..."

"Take it," His voice cracks, and he closes his eyes. Trying to stop tears from falling, "You gave it to me. I'm giving it back,"

Venom is silent, and still. Slowly he loops the chain over his neck, and lets it fall against his chest.

They don't talk. They don't need to.

\---

Three weeks after that night there's a problem. A big one. 

The base is on red alert and Pquad turned himself right the fuck around to bring boss back.

A new outbreak of parasite. Immune to the Wolbachia treatment that someone brought to the base. Someone had to have brought it. 

Venom landed on the Quarantine base, he was standing in front of the tent. Kaz remained in the control room with Ocelot and Code Talker. He was desperate. Antsy. But he knew going to the Quarantine zone wouldn't help. It was better that he stayed here and kept an eye on Venom.

"We're...We're going to have to close the tent behind you. Don't think the infection is airborne but..."

Venom straps the gas mask on, voice coming out muffled now. He pauses suddenly, not opening the door yet.

"What is it?" Kaz asks, trying to push back worry.

"Something sweet. I can smell it through the mask,"

Kaz frowns, "The rescue team reported that too. Said it smelled like ripe fruit,"

"We cannot let the infection spread," Code Talker breaks in, "If anyone shows symptoms you must put them out of their misery,"

Kaz bits his lip and looks away. He doesn't want to think about it. About that. 

"That includes me," Venom says so softly it almost doesn't pick up. 

Anything. Anything but that. Kaz can't lose him. Not again. 

The door opens, and it's chaos. The once pristine medical halls look like a bomb went off. Tables thrown everywhere. Blood everywhere, bodies on the ground.

Kaz swallows, and remains as professional as he can, "Don't touch him. He's covered in blood,"

Venom turns and walks back down the hall into the adjacent one. As he walks they can hear distant sounds of voices, a scuffle? Venom peeks into an empty room before continuing down the hall, towards the sound of two muffled gunshots. 

A man stumbles out of a room, fearfully jerking away.

"Stay back! Stay back!" He yells, shooting off a few more shots before running down the hall.

Kaz looks at Ocelot, to see him staring at his hands. That man was on the intel team. 

Venom walks into the room the other left, a body was on the ground. 

"He's got a mask. He's with the rescue team,"

A garbled transmission comes in, more of the original message. He sends it over to get cleaned up while Venom kneels next to one of the researches laying at the foot of the steps. Trying to calm her. She's too hysteric, and with a sigh he continues up the steps. 

The second floor is worse. Blood, and gore. People laying on the floor and moaning to themselves. Everyone's afraid, no one wants to die.

Venom walks through the rooms, most staff members are too far gone to recognize him. But those that da are relieved to see him.

Kaz hopes they make it out. Prays they don't die on his orders. On his base. 

"I have analysed the data they sent back. It appears those who barely spoke became symptomatic. This must be some kind of mutation,"

Kaz nods, eyes glued to the carnage Venom was walking through. He didn't want this. He didn't want any if this. 

There's more gunshots. More death. And nothing he can fucking do about it. 

Venom reaches the third floor. Its seemingly empty, deathly quiet. He turns the corner to the roof access. A researcher is lying there, breathing heavily and fearfully. All is quiet. 

Venom approaches the unresponsive man slowly. He doesn't react immediately, even when Venom kneels next to him. He's wearing night vision goggles. 

"Boss..."

"What the hell happened?"

Kaz notices that there's a knife in his gut. His name is Canary. 

"At least your ok..." Canary says weakly as he pulls the goggles off, "I win! I'm no snail,"

Canary goes limp, final breath leaving him.  Venom looks down, next to the discarded goggles is a radio. 

"So he sent the transmission?" Kaz frown as Venom examines the googles, "Seems he had a way of ID'ing who's symptomatic...but what was he trying to say?"

"Snail....yes of course," 

Kaz and Ocelot turn to Code Talker in unison, and confusion. 

"It all makes sense now. Do not let ANYONE showing symptoms get outside!"

Kaz feels ice cold dread creeping into his heart.

"As infection progresses, it triggers an overwhelming urge to get out into the open. That's the parasite controlling them. Once outside the birds will feed on the infected bodies. Spreading the parasite on land,"

Even in death, Skull Face was still working. Still haunting him like a phantom he can't exorcise. 

There's a crash, and Venom turns. Walking down the small steps to look out the door. 

"The whole world will be infested,"

The door is kicked open, and two members of the rescue team rush in. They're obviously dazed, infected. Venom stops one, but the other runs past. Desperate to get out. 

"No!" Kaz yells, getting to his feet in a panic. 

Venom shoves the first to the ground, and takes a shot at the man on the steps. More men start filing in, the grab Venom. Kaz can see their eyes, the dazed milky looks of men who no longer are in control. 

The roof access door creaks open. And Venom has no choice. He fires at the men holding him. 

Not parasites. Men. With names.

He shoots again, hitting another. 

Kaz takes his seat, he feels sick. He feels defeated. 

He's tired. So, so tired. 

"Light em up," Ocelot yells, and on cue the support team drops the bomb onto the men.

His men. 

Venom stands still, and they watch the men writhe in pain as the flames burn away the parasites. Three more file in.

Three more comrades. Three more humans. 

"You have to shoot,Boss," Kaz says, pushing down his feelings. Pushing away the fear and panic. They were not human. They were not HUMAN, "We can't let them outside,"

There was no compassion. No remorse. 

Venom fires into their heads. Quick, and clean. 

Kaz feels every shot, every bullet. 

"That's it....that's good," Code Talker says before swallowing, "do you still have those goggles? If you see a glow in their throats that means they are infected. All you can do...is give them a quick death,"

Kaz watches Venom leave the room, and he wishes he could be in there. To help him carry the burden. The pain. 

Venom puts the goggles on, and walks down the stairs. Two men, infected. 

He points his gun, and cuts of the plea of Kangaroo with one quick bullet. 

Cardinal doesn't even whimper. 

"I'm sorry," Kaz whispers. 

Venom walks into the next room, and shoots Sandhill.

"You're...you're kidding right?" Bull asks, staring up into the muzzle of Venoms gun. 

"Snake!" 

Kaz glares at Emmerich. Who the fuck let him in here? 

"You just killed your...?"

"Emmerich? What the hell, nobody asked for your opinion!" Kaz snaps, wishing he could knock that mans teeth out. 

"You expect me to just stand by and watch this?"

Kaz hears a gunshot, and can't even see who dies. Can't even mourn their final breath. He clicks off the radio.

"Get out,"

"What? I-"

"If you don't want to watch. Get. Out," There's a mettle in his own voice he hadn't heard in years. 

Emmerich stands still, and Kaz looks back to see Venom shoot Howling Turkey in the face.

"So you are here to kill us!" Rhino cries as Venom shoots Armadillo. Then him. 

"Why?"

Kaz wonders that himself. Why. Why. Why. 

Why can't it ever stop? 

"Boss, you came?" The hope in that voice hurts. 

"You're insane Snake! He was one of your own men!"

He shoots again.

"You yourself said we're a family! Or was it all lies. You're not the Big Boss I know!"

Kaz throws his mug on the ground, and Emmerich shuts the fuck up. 

"You're not family. You're nothing," Kaz says quietly. Watch Venom stand in the doorway to the outside. Unmoving. For once, phased. 

"Get out of this room. Before I put a bullet in your skull," 

Emmerich leaves, and Venom turns around to finish his job. 

"Let go of me! I'm going outside!" Kaz wishes he recognized the voice. 

"No!"

"We're dead anyway!"

Venom kneels, and picks the lock. Slowly. He pushes open the door. 

Jay turns, and his eyes light up, "Boss! Hey, lets let the Boss decide!"

"We live, and die by your order boss!" Jay says, and he salutes. 

They all salute. All eight of them in that room. 

Kaz wants to look away, but he can't. He can't look away from these soldiers. These men. These brothers in arms. They were everything to him, to Venom. Loyal to the end, loyal to Big Boss. To his phantom. 

Kaz feels tears come to his eyes, and he sniffles slightly. 

Venom stands there, unmoving for a few minutes. The goggles are on, he knows. 

He fires, eight shots to the men standing before him. Clean, easy shots to the head. 

Kaz wonders if it hurts, to be shot like that. Is it really painless? Is any death painless? 

There's one more in the back of the room. Venom raises his hand to shoot. 

"Hang on, Boss. Is he wearing a mask? He might not be infected," 

Venom kneels next to him, and Kaz can hear a soft sigh of relief. 

"Carry him to the exit," 

Venom lifts the man easily, onto his shoulders. Just like he did to him those long months ago. 

"Thank you....Boss," Crow says weakly through the mask.

They step over bodies on the way to the exit. 

"Got a survivor, unlock the door," 

"Wait..."

No.

"I don't think I made it after all.."

No. No. No. No.

"You just checked him!" his voice is shakey, and almost cracks.

"Could it have progressed this quickly?" Code Talker asks. 

"Venom...take another look,"

Venom turns, and gently sets the man down on the ground, kneeling next to him. 

"He is infected," 

Kaz feels more tears coming on, and bites his lip, "I don't believe it,"

"Maybe...it got in through my wounds," Crow says, staring up at Venom from his spot on the floor. He reaches out, and takes the others hand, "They're waiting now. All of them,"

Kaz knows Venom is squeezing back. This mans job was to heal, to give life. Do no harm.

"Do it,"

Venom leans forward, and pulls Crow into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, Crow," 

Venom pulls back, and draws his pistol. He shoots Crow without hesitation.

"I'm sorry B-Venom," Kaz says, knowing his words wont help. 

Venom remains kneeling, looking at the limp hand of the comrade he killed, before getting to his feet. 

 

\---

Cleanup was hell. They burned all the bodies, sent the letters to the family. Scorched the platform. It was tedious work.

Venom wasn't doing well. No body was. He put on a brave face for everyone, but Kaz knew he was not ok.

But it was time, to give these good men their burial. The sun was setting against the pale blue sea, and the sound of water hitting steal struts was faint from below. 

Venom was staring out at the water, mind far away. And Kaz can't blame him. 

"Its your fault! They're dead because of you!"

No rest for the wicked, huh?

"What?" Kaz snaps, turning to probably beat Emmerich with his cane. 

"He's right," Venom says, "I killed them with my own hands,"

"They were on your side! I'm on your side! And you turned them all to ashes!" 

Always all about himself. Pathetic. 

Ocelot rests a hand on Emmerichs shoulder, a warning. And the wench of a human backs off. 

Ocelot had been strangely..mournful. Kaz never expected him to care for the other soldiers. He was here for Big Boss. But there was a sadness in those eyes when he prepared the funeral pyres. 

"They wanted you to shoot," Kaz says, trying to comfort Venom as best he can, "It was that or be burned alive,"

He gives the signal for them to bring the ashes over to be scattered. Not the most glamorous, but it was tradition. Its what Kaz wanted done to himself. 

"Wait," Venom raises his arm. Stopping the procession. 

He takes the jar, holding it delicately. It was the world to him. He kneels at the edge, and unscrews the lid. 

Kaz wonders what he's thinking as he stares into the jar. Moments away from tipping it over. How do ghosts mourn?

"I won't scatter your sorrow to the heartless sea," his voice is shaking with a life time of grief. 

Venom dips his fingers in, and licks them. Which is a bit gross, Kaz can't ignore that. 

"I will always be with you," its soft, almost breathless, "Plant your roots in me,"

Venom smears the ashes into his face, and Kaz can't even judge him. 

"I won't see you end as ashes. You're all Diamonds,"

Kaz watches him, he can't see the mans face but he knows there's a universe of feeling and thought going through his mind. 

"What then?" Kaz asks softly. 

Venom turns, his face pale even more ghost like. He passe the jar back to the soldier. 

"We make diamonds of their ashes. Take them into battle with us,"

Not even death, can free those that fight from the battlefield. But death at sea is no easier way to go.

"Shinning light to our brothers in arms," Kaz nods, stepping towards Venom. His own shinning light, "Even in death,"

Venom's lip twitches, a slight smile. And he looks out to the pale sunset. 

"We are Diamond Dogs," He says, as if reminding Kaz of a simple fact. 

\---

Three days later and one less Emmerich, they pass out diamonds like candy. Kaz is happy to wear his on his patch. And even Ocelot looked surprised when he handed the man his own. He may be a shitty Russian spy but he was still a Diamond Dog. 

After passing them out, Venom flags him down. He seemed to be doing better, but he was still avoiding Kaz. 

"I need you to listen to this," Venom says while placing a single tape in his hand, "Alone if possible,"

Kaz looks at the tape, written in...familiar clean writing was The Man Who Sold The World.

"Venom I've already-"

"Kaz, trust me on this,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skipping a few heavy hitter scenes with eli and emerich. I killed quiet so tbh i dont even know what he scenes are so hmmg sorry! They're important to the plot but not this one you feel?
> 
> Next chapter: to hell with the boss ft outer heaven


	21. On the bones of the fallen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tend to make fun of ppl who get too purple prose in their writing but this is hnng kinda purple??

He almost forgot about the tape. Almost set it on his desk and went to bed. 

Almost escaped the cold truth. 

Almost walked away, put it off for a few blissful months. 

But he listened to it. He could only get through four tracks. 

Big Boss was alive. That...monster. He was alive. Sitting pretty in the real Outer Heaven while he and Venom rot in the fucking ocean distracting Skull Face. 

Kaz slams his cane on the ground, and knocks on Ocelots office door. 

Of course the cat was behind it all along. Working with Boss to keep Venom and him in check. Make sure he doesn't figure out.

How much money was spent to make Venom a perfect copy? How many american dollars were wasted because they can't program love out of a man heart. 

They can't make a man into Big Boss. Not when Big Boss isn't even a fucking human. 

Ocelot opens the door, and Kaz pushes his way in. 

"How long has Big Boss been awake?" Kaz bites out as he leans against the mans pristine desk. 

"You know he's been out ever since he res-"

"No you fuck. Not Venom, the real Big Boss. How long has been awake,"

Ocelot raises he eyebrows, and glances around the room. Plotting an escape perhaps. 

"Miller are you ok? I know the...the parasite incident was hard on us but-"

Kaz stops listening, what was it Ocelot was yammering about it the tapes? Double think? Knowing Venom is fake, but knowing him as real without even noticing. How to snap him out of it, however...

"I don't know what weird theories you have but you should see a counselor om the medical pla-"

"Big Brother is watching you,"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ocelot's getting annoyed. 

"Not that huh, 1984? No too obvious,"

"Miller I'm calling a medic you need psychological help I can't give you,"

"Two plus two equals five,"

Ocelot stops, and frowns. He has a look of a man that walked into his office to find his desk gone.

"How...did you...did the phantom tell you?"

"I read that book too, fucker. And his name is Venom,"

Ocelot shakes his head, as if to clear his thoughts and new memories. He looks at Kaz with a certain fire in his eyes. One Kaz hasn't seen since getting back. Its the look of a man who's found a cause to die for, a reason to live.

"So what was it all for?" Kaz asks, the last few months reeling through his mind, "If the Boss has some plan, what is it?"

"The real Big Boss is working separately from us. To create his new nation," Ocelot begins, tone even and firm. 

"New nation...?"

"A military nation above and apart from all- A true Outer Heaven,"

Kaz gripes his cane tight, was Boss really still clinging to that stupid dream of the past? No army can survive without a united backing, and no man was immortal. 

"Something created to maintain world balance. Independent of the struggles for supremacy, for personal profit. The cycle of revenge between countries. It'll be an army all right, but more. Big Boss is building a nation," 

A place for men like them, war dogs. Men who need no name, no backing. Men who only care to fight. Why give them a heaven when others die for their cause? Give their life for honour? Men without names shouldn't fight wars.

"But...until its complete we support the other Big Boss. The phantom caries on his legend. His ideals. That, is Big Boss plan,"

Venom, he was left with nothing. They shoved Boss...that monster onto him. Forced him to take that....demons name. And for what? A floating deathtrap in the sea while Big Boss creates his army of monsters? 

"So that's the way it is..." Kaz says softly. Shaking his head. All this....all this pain to create nothing, "Nine years ago, I thought everything had been taken from me,"

His home,  his friends, hell even his enemies. The Big Boss he would follow into the pits of hell. And the man who would take his hand and bring him out of it. 

They all died in that fire. Every. Last. One.

"Now I really have lost it all. The Boss....the future we were building together..."

Big Boss should have died, he should have let him drown with the rest of him. Built the future he wanted with Medic. 

Better a dead legend than a living monster. 

"One day the age of Big Boss' sons will arrive, they'll likely wanna settle the score with him," Ocelot says, a delicate balance of nonchalance and threat, "We have to shape that age. We'll each have roles to play,"

Why drag them into it, they were just kids. 

"Building the foundation for a revolution lead by both Big Bosses- the true one, and the phantom,"

"No..." 

He wasn't going to play their games. He wasn't going to be strung along while Big Boss sat in his Outer fucking Heaven safe while Venom did the wet work. He was tired of being a puppet, a secretary. And he wasn't going to let Venom be dragged down with these demons on the way to their stupid fucking place in the inferno.

"Big Boss can go to hell," He puts ever ounce, every fucking piece of hate and rage and pain into those words. This ends now, "I'll make the phantom and his sons stronger to send him there,"

Kaz wont let them hurt those three. They deserve more than a gun and pain. He was going to protect them from Boss with his life. 

"For that...I'll keep playing my role,"

"Heh.. Y"know...." Ocelot pauses, watching him carefully as he leans against the closed door, "Sooner or later there will be only one Boss. There's only room for one. His sons are fated to face each other someday too,"

Kaz glares at him, what's his angle here?

"If the day ever comes that you go back to Cipher, I'll aid the other son,"

Kaz rolls his eyes, he was done with that. He was young and dumb and greedy back then. Willing to sell his own friends off for resources. Not anymore. 

"And then you and I will be enemies, too,"

There's a long pause as Kaz stares at Ocelot. He can't be serious?

"One of us will have to kill the other,"

Kaz doesn't look away from those eyes. Sharp as ever, cunning and bold. He remembers what it was like, to be so enamored by Big Boss he would risk almost anything. But Ocelot...he was gone. There was no being of free will behind that man. There was no doubt that Ocelot would kill him, and that inevitably Ocelot would die with Bosses name on his lips. 

"Fine by me,"

Kaz pushes off the desk, and Ocelot steps aside, letting him pass without trouble. He had work to do.

\---

Kaz played his part for a few months, Venom avoided him. And it hurt, it hurt so much more than anything else. 

But he finally finds a way out. An excuse to leave this island. 

He had a child. The woman, she was a spy of some sorts. They had a fling, he used a condom but hey, 99% isn't definitive. She had the kid early in 83' and needed help. 

Spy's are a tricky bunch, but he understood. And he wanted to see his daughter, more than anything in the world.  So he was resigning, and putting someone else in charge of this hell. 

He loved his comrades more than anything, he wore his diamond with pride. But he couldn't look at them without knowing just what they meant to Big Boss. A diversion. A distraction. 

He was tired of this, he spent so long fighting this endless war he was ready to tap out. The Boss would met his own end in time. Kaz was going to make the phantom and his sons stronger yes, but not the way Ocelot wants. 

He was going to save them. He was going to give them a chance at a real life. 

He flexes his new arm, a domestic prosthetics. R&D went ahead and made it after they got the news he was resigning. It was nice, very life like, but the pain was still there. And he still needed his cane. 

He knocks on Venom's door, they had seen each other in the meeting, but they hadn't talked in weeks.

The door opens, and there he is, dressed down for once in just fatigues and a standard issue shirt. 

"Can I come in?" 

Venom eyes his new arm, and steps aside. Kaz was leaving tomorrow, it was now or never. He walks into the room, and waits until the door closes before pulling Venom into a hug. He wraps both arms around him, and squeezes as hard as he can, burying his face in the crook of the other neck. 

He smelled like soap and disinfectant. It was familiar, it was everything. 

"Kaz..." Venom says in a soft uncertain voice. He can feel the others hands hover awkwardly above his back. He knows Venom wants to. 

"Venom...come with me," He whispers, almost without thinking. It would be so easy. Diamond Dogs might hold out for a bit, but they would disband. Be free from the real Big Boss. And he and Venom could be happy.

"I'm not Venom, Kaz..."

Kaz gripes the back of Venoms shirt tighter, and closes his eyes. 

"Venom Bat...he died on Militaries Sans Frontiers nine years ago...I'm," His voice falters, and he lowers his hands, hugging him back. 

"I'm Big Boss,"

No. No. He's not. Venom can't be.

"Please I...I knew you weren't him. You'll never be him, Venom!" Kaz says frantically, trying to form some sort of plan, "They brainwashed you! If- if you leave with me you'll start to remember you'll-"

"No...no," Venom pulls away. He gripes Kaz's shoulders and pushes him back. He's lost, a storm of emotion and fear on his face, "I...memories...they come in bits in pieces. But its all wrong. They're mixed up, and grainy. The colors aren't right they..."

Venom trails off, squeezing his eye shut and taking a deep slow breath before looking back at Kaz.

The blue is so familiar. So bright. But its wrong. There's something missing. 

"Medic is dead, Kaz. I'm not him anymore. Nothing you do will change that. I'm Big Boss,"

He has to say something. He has to bring him back from the edge. Somethings wrong with Venom. Why can't he see he's being used?

"Venom please just come with me, we can leave and go..." Kaz wracks hos brain, every hour spent with medic running through his mind. Every word, every dream that passed their lips.  Anything, everything, "We can live,"

Silence. Cold hard silence as Venom looks at Kaz. His eyes are far away, a hallucination probably. The hands gripping Kaz's shoulders are firm, but without force. He reaches up, a places his flesh hand over Venom's. 

"Please...Bat,"

His eye snaps back to Kaz, and he glares. Venom shoves Kaz away, putting distance between them as his cane falls to the floor.

That hurt so much more than anything he had been through. Kaz stumbles, his weak knee buckling. He falls to knees, and he stares at the cane next to him.

So that's the way it is, huh? 

He looks at Venom...Snake...Boss. The man has turned away, staring into a corner at his own phantoms.  

He can't pretend anymore. He can't keep clinging to ghosts like this. There was nothing left here for him.

Would medic have gone with him? 

Kaz gets to his feet, and leaves his cane. He takes a small step to the door, then another. Stumbling slightly, but still upright. 

We walk with missing limbs, and hold our guns in our missing hands. Something like that. 

He takes the door handle, and stops. 

"If you change your mind, I'm here until tomorrow,"

The man is silent, and Kaz stares at the door. He should say it, those things he never said to Medic or Boss. But he can't. You can't talk to ghosts, no matter how realistically they walk.

"Goodbye...well, whoever you are,"

He doesn't wait for a response. He stumbles out into the hall. Past his own quarters, and up to the roof. To the faint sound of water lapping at steel beams. The sun had already set, but that's ok. 

He never wants to see another sunset again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only about 3 chapters left! The next are all gonna be big timeskips, but we all know where its going.


	22. The sensation lingers.

Kaz did the only thing he could do after that. He got on with his life. He met his daughter, held her in his arms and swore that he would protect her with his life. 

And he does. He spends five years running a small dine in drive through restaurant, he dotes over his kid and for a little bit he's happy. 

Some nights his arm still burns with a pain so fierce and hot the word phantom mocks its presence. Some days he gets lost in his thoughts, staring out into the distance as better and worse times float through his mind.

He thinks of him, but that's a given. 

And he gets restless, something is always itching in the back of his mind. The thing that pushed him to surge forward with a passion and fire that changed worlds, that killed. 

That restlessness pushes him to accept a job offer. Train young tropes in survival, with Foxhound. He and Cathy move across the United States and he starts a new life. 

Its not war, not really. Its a ghost of his old life, at MSF. Putting already seasoned soldiers through worse and worse hells. But he tries to keep his lessons the same no matter what. 

Its ok to have regrets, and not to forget your name. 

He meets David there. He had to do a double take when that kid walked through the doors. He looked like Eli more than anything, parts of the more mature looking Boss poked through. But he was still a kid. 

Kaz still remembers his promise to himself. To protect this kid, to give him a better life.

He tries, he really does. It helps that David is a good kid, they get along easily. And he has him over for dinner, lets him play with Cathy.

Shows him a life that's not behind a gun when he can. It's not much, but its the best he can do. Maybe one day it'll help him. 

And before Kaz even realizes, twelve years have past since he abandon Venom to the boss. 

Twenty one years since he lost everything. 

Not a day goes by where his arm doesn't sting a bit, where his leg doesn't throb. But time heals all wounds, until eventually only scars and memories remain. 

Venom, Medic, Boss. Whoever that man was, he missed him still. 

Kaz looks over at the two pictures he keeps on his desk. There's a picture of Cathy, obviously. But that was a happy photo. 

He picks up a small, water stained Polaroid. It was a picture of him, a happier and younger him. But that's not why he kept it, he wasn't that conceited. 

It was the words on the back. 'Commanded Miller, 1974'

Medics cursive was slightly sloppy, the mark of a doctor, but pretty in a way. 

The other photo was a familiar one. He ripped it off the helicopter on his way off base the last time. He hated the way Venom covered up the Medics face. Hiding his own truth from himself. 

It was the only photo he had of the man. Kaz wasn't petty enough to rip Boss out of the picture, but he made a point to not look at him whenever he felt like perusing painful memories. 

With a sigh, Kaz looks away from the two face down photos. He was done with work today, he stayed late since Cathy was at a friends house. Never felt safe all alone, something to do with cats. 

He reties his ponytail before getting to his feet with a multitude of pops. Getting old sucks and he recommends it to no one. He tugs on his old fatigue jacket, making sure he has his keys before heading to the door. 

The codec rings. 

He frowns at the device, and puts on the earpiece. David was out on a mission, and he had specifically requested not to work as support. He was done with Snakes. He wasn't expecting any calls and this frequency was different. 

"Miller speaking,"

"Kaz,"

He feels his breath stop in his chest. Covering his mouth with a hand to keep any noise from coming out, only managing a shuddering breath. 

"Its ok...you don't have to talk," Venom's voice is ragged, and he takes a heavy breath, "Just...stay on the line. I don't have much time left,"

Kaz nods, even though the other can't see.

"It's...its been a long time, Kaz. Too long. I...god I don't know where to start. You know how I am with words," Venom laughs softly before coughing. Kaz can faintly hear alarms blaring in the background. 

"I wish I went with you that day, Kaz. It's my biggest regret, staying on that base. A new life, to be men with names. To be happy....to have peace. I let it slip away so easily," 

Kaz realizes he can hear a faint strumming of guitar in the silence between his words. 

"My memories of who I used to be come back sometimes. They're...so fuzzy. Flashes and feeling, smells and colors. But you, Kaz, you are so...clear. So bright,"

Venom coughs, and Kaz can hear him spit out something. He feels his knees grow weak, and falls to the floor. 

"I don't remember everything, I wish I did. But I remember enough. I remember the sunsets we watched, the music you made. I remember thinking it was so ironic you could play like a bell, but sang like a wet cat,"

He laughs softly at his own joke, falling momentarily silent. 

"I remember your pick up lines, the way you smiled when you thought I couldn't see. You're stupid question about the duck. Those memories mean....everything to me Kaz. They are, were, my light in the dark,"

Kaz takes a shuddering breath, tears leaking out if his eyes. He wants to say something, anything to him. But he can't. He can't speak. 

"David...Snake...he was trained well. Surpassed both me, and Ishmael's expectations. He's going to do great things, Kaz. Please...don't let him fall into despair. Don't let him lose his name,"

Venom takes another breath, "I can hear the bombs...this is the end, huh? I died a long time ago, on that day. And now I'll die again, a different man. Sorry, you have to be here for both...Tell Ishmael its not his fault, I forgive him," Venom pause for a moment, to breath.

"Tonight I die my own man," he sounds so happy, so elated. A man free of his shackles. 

No longer a phantom, a man. With a name. 

The line crackles, and almost cuts off. Kaz can hear the sound of a distant explosion. 

"Kaz...I remember my last words to you, in that life time. So long ago. I love you, Kazuhira Miller. In every life I've lived, I love you,"

More explosions sound off, and Kaz swallows hard. 

"I...I love you," Kaz whispers, barely even able to force the words out. He can't see him, but he knows Venom is smiling. 

The line cuts out, and a searing pain shoots through his arm and leg. Its not real pain, its psychosomatic. 

He's dead. He's really dead. 

His hand falls away from his face, and he leans back against the desk. He feels the tears on his face, leaking out of his eyes as he stares at the roof. Every memory, faded with time but so clear runs through his mind. From the meeting in the tent, to his medical examination, the day before the fall, Afghanistan, Skull Face, the shining lights. All of it. 

Is it so hard to wish for peace? 

Through the fog he hears the codec ring, and he answers it. 

"Miller Speaking," His voice is steady. 

"Hey Master Miller I uh...Well I'm in transit back and they told me I could tell you this stuff,"

Its David. The man who killed Venom moments...no...how long ago was it?

"But uh I just destroyed Outer Heaven and well...Big Boss was the leader I...I killed him,"

Kaz closes his eyes, "Really now? The leader was Boss?"

"Yeah I nearly couldn't believe it! I...why aren't you more surprised?"

Kaz takes his pony tail out. He stares at the hair tie Venom left in his room years ago. After they made love. 

"I had my suspicions, how are you doin kid?" Kaz replies, changing the subject. 

"I'm ok! Just saw the medic and I'm flying back to base now. The shock hasn't really hit me, but I'm sure it will,"

Kaz hums in agreement. David didn't kill Venom, no this kid was used. Boss Finally decided to cut his losses, there's only room for one Big Boss and one Snake. 

"Are you ok Master Miller? You don't sound too good,"

"It's nothin' kid. Hey when you get back and settle down why don't you come over for a night or two? Cathy misses you,"

Its silent on the other end for a while, and Kaz knows that David is more shaken up than he's letting on. 

"I'd like that," He finally replies. 

Kaz falls silent for a moment, finally wiping the half dried tears from his eyes. Maybe now, he can finally move on. 

"Hey David, what would you rather fight, one Metal Gear sized duck, or one hundred duck sized Metal Gears,"

David laughs softly at the question, "I guess the Metal Gear sized duck,"

Kaz smiles, and gets to his feet, "Whys that?"

"I could probably get you to cook it for me,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres only two more chapters left teens so please stick around! Next chap is out bbq and after that well, we all know how this ends. 
> 
> Venom deserved so much more than what he got, one like = one prayer


	23. Not until the day you die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no
> 
> Whats this?

Kaz takes a sip of his drink, glancing towards the door of the surprisingly not seedy bar he was waiting at. 

It had been two long years since that day, and life pushes on. But he can't forget the man, not really. He toys with the hair tie on his wrist, wondering if he got the address wrong. He wasn't that old yet, was he?

The door of the bar opens quietly, almost imperceptibly, and he looks over to the figure standing there. It had been 23 long years since he saw that man. The one who sold the world.

His hair was graying, once deep brown now light but still full. He had a salt and pepper beard and a noticeable lack of scars and horn.

He really shouldn't look so good in that biker jacket. Its not fair.

The man joins Kaz at the table, and they stare at each other. Kaz had always been good at getting out of Foxhound meetings with Big Boss. Avoiding him at all costs. It was common knowledge on base that they had some sort of history. It was easier after everyone thought he was dead. 

For a long time, Venom was the phantom. The ghost of a man. But now as Kaz looks at Snake after so long, he only sees Venom. The faint traces of Medic in the set of his jaw a crook of his nose. It brings fresh waves of pain down his fingers. 

"You cut your hair," He finally says, the first thing in two decades to him after they died on the raft. 

He doesn't want to reply, he didn't want to come. But these things only came once.

"Yeah," Is all he can grit out. Even he can hear the hate in his voice, and Snake looks down. 

"Why do you want to talk to me," Kaz asks, deciding to get to the point. 

Snake leans back in the seat, and Kaz notices a faded Diamond Dog logo on the jacket. It makes him disgusted. 

"I...it's been a long time, Kaz. I figured we might as well," Snake waves a hand, "Talk,"

His voice is still a his deep growl, but older more raspy. 

"You go first," Kaz replies, keeping his voice even and angry, "You have a lot to talk about,"

Snake sighs and looks at his hands, neatly folded on the table. Hands that took more lives than Kaz could imagine. 

"Before Ahab- Venom died he made a call. It was a closed line, one he requested be unmonitored. It only contracted you,"

Kaz clenches his fist, and takes a sip of his drink. He knew the question.

"He said "Tell Ishmael I forgive him, and its not his fault" thats all you need to know,"

A series of emotions passes over Snake, and that dark cold blue fills with relief. 

"Medic...he..." Snake swallows and clears his throat. As if in grief, "He gave his life for me. If he hadn't jumped in front of the fire I would have died,"

"A real shame that would have been,"

Snake has the decency to not look hurt by that, "I don't remember anything from the crash, Kaz. They told me you saved us but...to me I woke up nine years later and..."

Kaz can't breath. He feels like he's being tricked, duped at what Snake is implying. 

"I...I didn't want them to do that, Kaz" Snake's voice is shaking with decades of shame "I woke up and they showed me what they did to him. It wasn't human,"

Kaz can feel all those years of rage and hatred at Snake start to chip. He feels the foundations of his life start to shift. All the rage and anger and blame he pinned on the Boss for Venom....was it wrong?

"They wanted to send him to Outer Heaven, and me to Afghanistan. And I wanted to go. I wanted to see you," 

Kaz glares at him, and Snake clears his throat. 

"But I didn't deserve to be with Diamond Dogs. They wanted me to kill Skull Face but I didn't deserve that honour. Skull Face too MSF from me. It took nine years away, took you away. But Bat, he lost everything to Skull Face,"

Kaz bites down on his cheek to keep the tears back. He wishes he never came here. 

"I didn't deserve to kill that man. I didn't lose a damn thing to him. But Bat...Skull Face took things from him that no man should ever lose,"

Kaz lets out a shuddering breath. Everything Snake was saying was true, but he didn't want to believe it. To believe that Snake was anything but a monster. 

"I wanted Medic to kill Skull Face. I wanted him to be with you he...you two were in love. I wanted him to have the revenge he deserved,"

Kaz bangs his fist on the table, anger bubbling over. 

"Then why? Why didn't he come with me," Kaz hisses, glaring at the man in front of him, "Why couldn't you let him go?"

Snake shakes his head, "I don't know anymore than you, Kaz,"

They fall silent again. It almost feels like the old times. 25 years ago. 

"The only thing worse than killing a man,is killing him twice," Kaz says, almost to himself, "You can't outrun Foxhound. They'll find you soon, and you'll have no more bodies to throw in front of you,"

"I know,"

Kaz finishes his drink, and gets to his feet. He was done here. 

"I found this, among his things," Snake says, pulling out a cassette tape and setting it on the table, "And this was on his body" He sets a hunk of warped metal next to the cassette. 

Kaz takes the metal, his dog tag, and puts it in his pocket. He picks the cassette up and reads the front. 

'To Kazuhira Miller; Love Deterrence.'

"I didn't listen to it," Snake adds, as if that makes him feel better about any of this, "Goodbye, Kaz. I..."

"Don't,"

Snake nods, and looks down at his hands. And Kaz walks out of the bar to his truck. He gets in and stares at the cassette before putting it in and starting his long drive to his cabin. 

The first song that plays is a recoding of Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen. It makes Kaz smile, Medic always had bad tastes. 

The second song is True, and in the background Kaz can make out Venom humming along. The third song is, of course, Diamond Dogs. He remembered how sad Medic had been when he first heard the song but didn't have his mixtape with him to record it. Most of the tape is like that, old love songs with sounds of Venom, or the bark of DD in the back. 

The last song makes his heart race, and he pulls over. The familiar chords of his guitar, the wear of an old tape played many times had made it impossible to make out the waves in the background. But that's not the important part. 

Its Venom, he's singing softly Love Deterrence. Kaz had forgotten half of the lyrics himself, but it all came flooding back as Medic sang. 

The man forgot so much, but that song was perfect. 

He sits, listening to the track over and over until he sees the sun rise over the horizon. He watches the light crest over the snow covered pines, and he can almost pretend he's still here with him. That he left with him that day, so many years ago.  Maybe in another life, another time, they could have been happy. 

\--

Two more years pass, and its over. Snake is dead, burned in a fire that should have killed him a long time ago.

"That mans a monster, Snake"

Even monster's can have regrets, but that will never excuse what they did. Boss could have saved Venom anytime, Kaz clung to that with all be had. 

He looks over at David in the passenger seat, the kid wasn't doing to well. In a final act of inflicting more pain Boss told David he was his father. 

It had been two weeks, long enough for David to get debriefed, and for Kaz to convince him to stay at his place for a bit and relax. He wasn't going to let him lose his humanity, to complete Big Boss' disgusting cycle. 

He can't save Eli, he couldn't save Venom, but he was going to save David.

He pulls into his garage, and he can hear his sled team start going wild from the back. David perks up a bit, the guy loves dogs. 

"Cathy's gonna pester you to play that new pokemon game with her, she's obsessed with it,"

David nods, as he exits the truck and starts removing his layers, Kaz watches him for a moment before opening the door to the house and doing the same. 

"We can talk about the mission later, after dinner,"

He hearst the sound of socks running on the floor and opens his arms as Cathy barrels into him, game boy in hand. 

"Hey dad! Oh nice you brought Dave!"

He had let her know before hand to be nice to him, he was going through a time. She was always good with Snake like him. 

"You have to come see out to the back, Queen had puppies and they are so cute!"

He can hear the two talking about dogs as they start walking towards the shed to see the puppies. He watches them from the window as he makes dinner too, just playing with the dogs and talking. David is already looking at lot better. 

And when they come in after a few hours for supper he can hear Cathy talking his ear off about how she needs his help to complete her dex.

"You have to trade me the blue exclusive pokemon so I can have a full dex and complete the game!"

"Why can't you just do that if you have two systems,"

"Its not the same,"

The conversation continues like that for a while as they eat. With Kaz interrupting every now and then to call his kid a loser. After dinner David helps him clean the dishes, something he never does. 

"Somethin' on your mind, David?"

He's silent, looking down at the plate in his hand. His face was so similar to the Boss, as it should be. He had the same dark blue eyes, but there was so much humanity behind them. 

"It's...Boss. And the Outer Heaven incident I just..."

"Its ok to have regrets, David," Kaz says softly, taking the plate from his hands. 

"Can you...tell me about Boss? Since he was my...dad and all,"

Kaz must have made a face, because David starts backtracking. 

"I mean, I know you didn't like him but I just...I never thought I had a father. I mean obviously I did but I never thought I'd know him and I wanna...learn,"

Kaz sighs and dries his hands. He can't say he didn't understand David. He was the same way once. 

"Alright I'll get my photos,"

Kaz shoos David to the living room, and grabs a small box from his closet. That's what happens with memories, they get tucked away so they can't hurt as much. He returns to find Cathy has joined him on the couch, and he takes a seat between the two. 

"Alright a lot of Boss is highly classified, so I'm only telling you what I legally can,"

Kaz says as he opens the box, setting the cassette tape and warped dog on the table. 

"I met him in Costa Rica. We used to be...well I didn't hate him. Be has a way with people, makes naive blond twenty somethings fall head over heels," Kaz says, digging out a few blurry photos of the old MSF beach parties and pointing out Big Boss. 

"He was different, then. Still had some...humanity,"

David nods, and they go through the pictures together. Kaz tells him as many stories about Boss as he cares too. Ignoring Cathy's jabs at him. Its weird, think of Boss in the past tense like this. 

He's almost done with a story of how he convinced Boss that watermelons were once used for transporting weapons, when Cathy pics up a envelop. He watches he reach in and pull out the only photos he has of the man he loves. 

There's the one Morpho had taken, its damaged from wear, but the men in it are happy. 

The other is one of Medic holding Nuke. A NSF veteran gave it to him a few years back. 

There's the one Medic took of Kaz, and finally tucked away is a picture of Venom. About to jump off the helicopter with DD. 

"Dad, who's this guy?" Cathy asks curiously, as David grows deathly still. 

"Oooh that guy," Kaz coos in a Grossing out his daughter way, "That was my boyfriend, we were gonna get married but then I had you!" 

Cathy laughs and slips the photos back in the envelop.

"Don't be weird dad!" She is about to say something else, but falls silent as David abruptly stands, and makes his silent way to the back porch. 

"...is he gonna be ok?" She asks softly. 

"I'll talk to him but....he's been hurt pretty badly," 

Cathy nods and packs up the photos, "Go talk to him. I don't think pokemon can fix this alone,"

Kaz smiles, and ruffles his daughters hair. She was one of his greatest gifts. He gets to his feet, ignoring the pops of his joints and follows David out. Grabbing two blankets on the way. 

David is sitting on the swinging chair staring off towards the tree line, unlit cigarette in his mouth. Kaz takes a seat next to him, and drapes the blanket over their laps. He sets the other one in David's shoulders as the other sits still as a statue. 

"The person I killed in Outer Heaven...you knew him," David states, cold and factual. 

"I did," Kaz replies, he keeps his tone gentle despite the pain of the reality. 

"I never mentioned it during the debrief...but when I was there when I saw his I thought...that can't be Big Boss. He was covered in scars. I thought it was a trick of the light, but he-"

"He had a horn,"

"No...well yes but...his eyes. They looked different. A brighter blue,"

Kaz nods, leaning back and gently rocking the swing. 

"Were...you two really married?"

Kaz snorts, and shakes his head, "Nah, we couldn't. Not then or now. But he's to important to me to write off as a friend,"

David nods, finally pulling a lighter out and lighting his cigarette, "Why did he look like Boss?"

"Long story, but some people in power decided that having two Boss's was better than one, so they made a phantom,"

"Tell me about him,"

"Hm? Boss?"

"No...no I know what I need to about him. Tell me about the other guy, the Phantom,"

David blows a drag of the cigarette out, deep in thought. Kaz watches the stars shine overhead as memories dance across his eyes. Well, that was one hell of a request. Where to begin with that story? The story of Medic, of Venom. The forgotten soldier who died twice. 

"It's not a very fun story. A long one too. Sure you wanna know?" Kaz asks gently. 

"Yeah. I wanna know about the man I killed, or the man he used to be,"

Kaz smiles, and closes his eyes. Its not the beginning exactly, but its his favorite part.

"Alright, but if I start crying you can't say anything,"

"I won't. I promise,"

"It started one Costa Rican evening. There was a soft breeze and I could hear water lapping at steel struts. I was late for an appointment,"


	24. Vaut son Prix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was orginally gonna be a stand alone part but i think it fits better here
> 
> Also if u dont wanna google translate
> 
> Amor sans frontieres literally translates to love beyond borders, a pun on msf
> 
> L'appel du vide means call of the void, can loosely be localized as the want or impulse to self sabotage
> 
> Vaut son prix means worth its pricel

"Just...give me a moment,"

There's silence, and Kazuhira thinks.

He thinks back Japan. The warm waves on the beach as his neighbors nippon terrier chased him. He thinks of his mother, smiling at him as she cleans his skinned knee. He thinks of dagashi after school, the cry of a Japanese bush warbler.

He thinks of America. Of his father, a spitting image of him. Of the brother he never truly met. He thinks of fast cars, good food, and sunsets spent playing guitar with his father. Music needed no language.

He thinks of college. Of the quick fucks of the nights spent studying. Perfecting his accent. 

He thinks of the JSDF. How useless he felt, how underappreciated.

He thinks of Columbia. Of his first students. The first men he trained, and how they died for him that day.

He thinks about his grenade. About how he really did die that day. Hand in hand with Snake. The death of his old life. The death of peace.

He thinks of Military Sans Frontieres. He thinks of all the beach parties. The drunken nights laughing with Snake. The painful missions. He remembers every soldiers name.

He thinks of Bat. The whirlwind romance that never left him. The burn of a love so sweet and tender he was too afraid to touch it. He thinks of the man who could pull a trigger with the coldness of an Alaskan night, yet kiss as soft as winter snowfall. He thinks of the man who would cry himself to sleep remembering all the lost souls he failed. Who blamed only himself.

He thinks about death, and fire, and water. And how the men he loved died that day.

He died twice, that was his second death. On the raft, staring at two men. Two different paths to peace.

He thinks of those nine long years. The painful nights where all he had were memories and shame. Like all life and joy has left him. Thirty is too young to be broken like that.

He thinks of Diamond Dogs. He thinks of Venom Snake. The phantom. The man out of body, the ghost of two men.

Everyone on that boat died. They all just kept on living in different ways.

He thinks of those bright blue eyes. The gentle smile. The soft touch. The same burning painful tenderness soothed the phantom pain. The same desire for revenge. The demon possessing the body of his lover.

 

He thinks about Foxhound. About the truth. About David, poor kid. He deserved a better life. Not the hell that was Big Boss.

He thinks about Outer Haven. About hearing that voice after so many years. He would know it anywhere. He would know it deaf, blind, he would hear it in his dreams. In his nightmares. In every waking hour, an after mirage.

He thinks about Venom Snake's last words, echoing his past life like a cruel joke as the bombs dropped.

Big Boss was destined to die in a fire, so it seems.

And finally, at the end if it all, Kazuhira thinks about himself.

Did he do it? Did he find peace? What has he left on the world?

He left his mother to die alone. His father to die alone.

He left behind two burned out war machines in the ocean.

He left a path of pain, fire, war, and loss behind him. 

Was this peace? Was this what he was named for? Did he ever truly do it?

No. 

He didn't. He left a legacy of pain. A cycle of revenge. Kazuhira Benedict McDonnell Miller had left behind nothing but what he stood against.

He spent his life searching for peace in the wrong man. He should have died that day in Columbia. For real. For good.

But despite all that, he can't forget the days of shocking splendor. Despite all the pain he remembers what made him walk on, without legs. What made him hold on without arms.

The strings of a guitar.

Costa Rican Sunsets.

His daughter.

All American burgers at a diner.

Cold Alaskan nights.

Waves hitting steel struts.

Soap and disinfectant.

Warm hands, warm looks, soft kisses, slow fucks.

Kazuhira could hate his legacy. But he could not hate his life.

And here, right now, with the death at his back, Kazuhira felt it.

Peace.

It was over. He was done fighting. He had been done for a while. There was nothing left for him here. 

The most he can want right now, is freedom. And that maybe.

Just maybe.

There's a place beyond the black nothing that marks the end of a burning life.

And that maybe.

Just maybe.

He's there.

Venom Bat. Venom Snake. The last man Kazuhira ever loved fully. His one way ticket to peace that was never punched.

If there was more to death than nothing, he would find him. No matter what.

And if there was nothing beyond this, well, he would still find him. His hunt for peace was not over until he was in that mans arms.

To hell with the Boss. To hell with the world. Kazuhira was making his exit.

He had already died twice. In Columbia. In Costa Rica. He's ready for his final death.

And there would be someone waiting for him.

"Whenever you're ready,"

The revolver hammer clicks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a long wild ride, thank you for sticking around and for all the support! Kaz is honestly my fav character and his relationship with bb and venom is something that makes me cry every day
> 
> And i guarantee that no matter how much this fic mightve made you cry, i cried more


End file.
